Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
People learn throughout their livesthrough their entire lives. Curiosity has always beenCuriosity was always a basic characteristic of human beingsthe basic characteristic of a human being. We always want to push boundariesbreak limits and learn more. In this debateAt this point some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and spend most of their time on school studies. This will help them to succeed in the future. However, for several reasons, which I will explain belowbellow, I think that children should not study at a very early age.
Of coursecause, children who begin to study at a very early age have a greater chance of succeedinghave more chances to succeed in the future. They gain more knowledge and experience which are valuablepriceless and valuable. In addition, studying more now they will give them the opportunity to perfect their knowledge in the future and become better professionals.
However, I think that every child must have his or her childhood. Children should learn through playplaying and communication with their friends and parents. I think that such basic qualities as kindness, self-confidence and just a good sense of humor can not be gained from studying. Children should spend more timeChildren should more time spend with their family, playing and learning with their parents. Imagine that a child instead of playing with his friends does his homework and feel exhausted and tired. Another important aspect of this is that children at an early ageat their early ages need more exercise because at this age their physical development is essentialthe development of their body is a very essential aspect. Above all, childrenChildren first of all must be healthy.
To sum up, I think that children should have their carefreecareless childhood with no responsibilities. Moreover, I am sure that playing helps them develop not only their bones and muscles but also their abilitybut their ability to make decisions, analyze things, drawmake conclusions, which is beneficial for their futurevery good for their future.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear preference for play and develops that view with relevant points about social, physical, and decision-making development. Its main limitation is the brief, generalized treatment of early formal education, while recurring awkward phrasing and grammar errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to explain both views more evenly with specific cause-and-effect support, then proofread sentence structure and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both views and maintains a clear position, but the case for early formal education is only briefly developed.
Develop the first view with a specific reason and example before comparing it directly with the benefits of play.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the argument clear overall progression, although some linking is repetitive or imprecise.
Use more precise referencing and logical links within paragraphs instead of relying mainly on broad contrast markers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and sometimes varied, but spelling errors and inaccurate collocations recur.
Replace unnatural phrases with standard collocations and proofread carefully for spelling before submission.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but recurrent word-order and agreement errors weaken control.
Check subject-verb agreement and standard English word order, especially in longer sentences.