Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is pretty conspicuous that the chariot of any country primarily (if not wholly) drifts on the wheels of the economy, and thence, many constituencies believe that rising on the economic front is the predominant aspect they need to focus on. However, some people argue that other developmental fronts should be taken seriously as well.
The monetary aspect is a quintessential pillar when it comes to the development stature of a country. The GDP, NNP, NI (National income), etc., are some of the deciding factors as to how a country has been doing. The government, as a result, moves forth with this prospect as indistinguishably, capital is the most prime thing that harbours other resources directly or indirectly.
Contrary to that, a significant pool of people also advocates the requirement of bolstering other purviews of development. They say that if other resources don’t exist, then consequentially, monetization to an extent wouldn’t be picturized to reality. Prominent facet as human resources, which is the most epitome treasure needs to be equally focussed on. The other subliminal aligned domains should also be thrown light upon. Taping right from the educational setup, research methodologies, laboratories, medical amenities, etc., in a way, corresponds to the overall enrichment of the lacuna.
In conclusion, it is not the money or monetary front on its own that makes a sovereign state a superpower. It may be a prominent and eminent dimension, but is not the sole determinant for development. A wholesome opulence of a country comes with all-round prosperity as could be inferred, and hence, accentuating on a monochromatic wavelength doesn’t flourish in an array of the gradient of a successful nation, single handedly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct noun Original: chariot Suggested revision: development Why it matters: The metaphorical noun obscures the intended reference to national development.
- 2. Remove mixed metaphor Original: drifts on the wheels of the economy Suggested revision: depends on the economy Why it matters: This metaphor is unnatural and makes the relationship less precise.
- 3. Use a clear connector Original: thence Suggested revision: therefore Why it matters: “Therefore” clearly expresses the intended cause-and-effect relationship.
- 4. Choose the right actor Original: constituencies Suggested revision: governments Why it matters: A constituency is an electorate or district rather than a national decision-making body.
- 5. Use precise phrasing Original: rising on the economic front Suggested revision: making economic progress Why it matters: This directly names the kind of progress discussed in the task.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: predominant aspect they need to focus on Suggested revision: main priority Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more naturally.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: development stature Suggested revision: level of development Why it matters: “Level of development” is the natural expression for a country's developmental position.
- 8. Complete the noun phrase Original: as to how a country has been doing Suggested revision: that indicate how a country is performing Why it matters: The relative clause now connects the indicators clearly to national performance.
- 9. Use a natural verb Original: moves forth with this prospect Suggested revision: pursues this goal Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic for describing government policy.
- 10. Show the reason Original: as indistinguishably, Suggested revision: because Why it matters: The replacement establishes the intended reason instead of using an unrelated adverb.
- 11. Avoid redundant degree Original: most prime thing Suggested revision: primary resource Why it matters: “Prime” already expresses the highest importance and cannot take “most” here.
- 12. Use an accurate verb Original: harbours Suggested revision: funds Why it matters: Capital finances resources rather than literally harbouring them.
Suggested Rewrites
- chariot development
- drifts on the wheels of the economy depends on the economy
- thence therefore
- constituencies governments
- rising on the economic front making economic progress
- predominant aspect they need to focus on main priority
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a recognizable discussion of both positions and reaches a consistent conclusion, with an ambitious range of language. Its main limitation is that the supporting ideas remain general and are frequently expressed through inaccurate or over-elaborate wording, which sometimes obscures the logic. The highest-priority improvement is to explain each view with one clear, specific reason or example using simpler, precise vocabulary and more controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear preference for broad-based progress are addressed, but the reasons are only generally developed and lack concrete support.
Develop each view through one specific causal explanation or example that clearly shows why that form of progress matters.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates a clear overall progression, although some links within paragraphs are mechanical or logically difficult to follow.
Use straightforward topic sentences and arrange each paragraph as claim, explanation, and example, with fewer forced linking expressions.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide vocabulary, but very frequent collocational and word-choice errors make several ideas unnatural or obscure.
Prioritize accurate common academic vocabulary and check that every less familiar word fits its intended meaning and collocation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, and meaning is usually recoverable despite recurring errors in sentence construction, agreement, and punctuation.
Build shorter complex sentences with clearly matched subjects and verbs, then proofread each clause boundary for completeness and punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.