Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Superstars of television, film and other media are given a big amount of money and it has become a controversial issue in the entire world. I am also in agreement with it and I would suggest that skilled workers also should be paid more. They are also real heroes of our societies. In the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss some of the reasons why we should not give too much money to the stars only for their fame.
On the first place, in order to validate my thoughts, there are several reasons. The first one it is to be understood that if the government and public give more money to the cricketers or to film stars, it may happen that they can use that money on wrong ways. Secondly, the government should also understand that giving too much money to celebrities is good but whether they can use it for social good causes like education of children, charity works etc. For example, they can use it to ensure a good education for poor people. Thirdly, also that stars having good publicity and they have their own business so it is possible that they would have enough money. Individuals should create a fund where so many celebrities can donate their money to poor people's food or housing related issues and also they must ask to assist from that stars and also if developed countries do this so it can be beneficial to undeveloped countries. Another point of this essay is that to whom the government should give more salary? So I would mention that more and more skilled workers also should be given more money because they provide many facilities to the people. It has also seen that so many doctors, nurses and even teachers are migrating from undeveloped countries to developed countries to have a better life and earn more. That’s why it may affect the economy of a country. The government should give them good salaries so they don't have to migrate to other countries. To conclude, I would opine that celebrities should be given money but to some extent that should be restricted and they should be bound to take part in charity and social welfare related tasks so that we can use that fund on poor people as I have written above.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: big Suggested revision: large Why it matters: Use the standard collocation for a substantial sum of money.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: in the entire world Suggested revision: around the world Why it matters: This is the more natural phrase for worldwide scope.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: in agreement with it Suggested revision: in agreement with this view Why it matters: The demonstrative phrase clearly refers to the opinion in the prompt.
- 4. Correct adverb position Original: that skilled workers also should Suggested revision: that skilled workers should also Why it matters: The adverb normally follows the modal verb in this structure.
- 5. Use a general singular Original: our societies Suggested revision: society Why it matters: The general concept is more naturally expressed with the singular mass sense here.
- 6. Correct linking phrase Original: On Suggested revision: In Why it matters: The fixed introductory expression uses the preposition 'in'.
- 7. Use precise academic wording Original: in order to validate my thoughts Suggested revision: to support my view Why it matters: This phrase expresses the argumentative purpose more directly.
- 8. Remove faulty subject Original: The first one it is Suggested revision: The first is Why it matters: The phrase contains an unnecessary second subject before the verb.
- 9. Add the article Original: government and public Suggested revision: government and the public Why it matters: 'Public' needs the definite article when it refers collectively to people.
- 10. Remove general article Original: the cricketers Suggested revision: cricketers Why it matters: No definite article is needed when referring to cricketers in general.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: on wrong ways Suggested revision: in harmful ways Why it matters: The preposition and adjective combination is unidiomatic in the original.
- 12. Complete the condition Original: is good but whether Suggested revision: is appropriate only if Why it matters: This replacement creates a complete condition before the following clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- big large
- in the entire world around the world
- in agreement with it in agreement with this view
- that skilled workers also should that skilled workers should also
- our societies society
- On In
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a clear general view that celebrity pay should be limited and identifies socially valuable workers who deserve higher salaries. However, its supporting case is uneven, sometimes contradictory, and crowded into one long paragraph, while frequent grammatical and collocational problems reduce precision. The highest priority is to organise two or three distinct, well-explained reasons in separate paragraphs and express each through shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and the position is identifiable, but several reasons are unclear, repetitive, or only partly developed.
Develop one focused reason for limiting celebrity pay and one detailed explanation of why specific essential workers merit higher salaries.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the response, but nearly all supporting material is compressed into one paragraph with mechanical sequencing and weak referencing.
Separate the main arguments into logical body paragraphs and use referencing and transitions to show relationships rather than merely numbering points.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss pay, migration, and social welfare, though frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices limit clarity.
Use more natural combinations such as spend money in harmful ways, charitable causes, and higher salaries, while avoiding vague repeated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in clauses, articles, prepositions, and sentence boundaries sometimes strain comprehension.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then combine them with accurately controlled relative, conditional, and causal clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.