Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
It is believed that when people fail, it means that theyhe did not have enough determination. I personally disagree with the statement, as I believe that failure is athe learning process in life and the following essay will discuss it in detaildetails. Some people think that when we fail at thingsfail in doing things in life, it means that we are not serious enough aboutin doing them. Many people think that when people are strongly determinedhave a strong determination, they will try their best in their work, and they will succeed. Failure should not occurFailure should not be an option if things are prepared well. However, many people do not realise that behind the great achievementsachievement of successful people, they also have experienced failureshave had failure moments. These people, however,But these people learnedhad learned from their mistakes and improved their work, and as a consequence, they got better results. For example, Michael Jordan was dropped from his elementary school basketball team since the coach believed that he had nonot talent in basketball. Michael thenBut then Michael consistently practised his shooting skillsability and worked harder than all other studentsall the other students. In the end, he became one of the greatestgreat basketball legends in NBA history. Another example isAnother exemplary case could be Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb. Doing so he had failed several times but these failures do not indicate that this one of the greatest inventors of all time had the lack of determination or desire. Rather he learned from his failures and finally invented a working lightbulb that was the basis for modern electric light bulbsthe base for the modern electric light bulbs we use nowadays. In conclusion, I do not agree when people think that failure is a result of less encouragement and a lack of motivation. I believe that failure is a moment in life, where we should inspect our life and try to improve things. Once we do that, I am certain that we will achieve more in the future.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two extended, relevant examples showing how failure can lead to learning and eventual success. Its main weakness is that some claims and expressions are imprecise, while the entire argument is presented without effective paragraph separation. The strongest improvement would be to organise the counterargument and supporting cases into distinct paragraphs and refine awkward grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, maintains a clear position, and develops relevant support through two detailed examples.
Strengthen the reasoning by explaining more precisely why determination can coexist with failure rather than relying mainly on famous examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses referencing and transitions effectively, although the lack of paragraph separation weakens the structure.
Divide the opposing view, the main argument, and each major example into purposeful paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of vocabulary for determination, achievement, and learning, but several collocations and word choices are awkward.
Replace imprecise phrases such as failure moments and less encouragement with natural, context-specific expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used and meaning remains clear, though agreement, article, tense, and clause errors recur.
Edit complex sentences for consistent pronouns, articles, and verb forms, especially when describing past events.