The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? What is your view?
Sample Response
It is predicted that the natality of most advanced countries will drop in the next 50 years. It is forecasted that by the end of 2030, more than 30% of the population in those countries will be aged 65 and above. The following essay will discuss what will happen if the prediction is true, and some of the solutions that can be done immediately to address the issue. Many experts are predicting that in the next 50 years about one-third of the people in developed countries will be the elderly generation. For a number of reasons, the ageing population and scarcity of working class population will become a serious problem for those countries. Firstly, they will face a lack of productive people problem which is important for economic development. With the shortage of productive labourers and professionals, it will be difficult for them to boost the economic sector, as factories will face difficulties in recruiting productive workers. Secondly, as the number of the senior people will be increasing each year, it means that the government will be spending more. The government will need additional funds for their pension plan, retirement house and medication facilities. Consequently, the government might increase the tax rate which will become a burden for the young generation. There are some soluble solutions that governments could consider to prevent the negative consequences of this issue. One of them is that by providing additional facilities for their residents to have children at an earlier age. It is a fact that most of the people in advanced countries have children in their late thirties or early forties. By having children in their mid-twenties, it will shorten the time gap between the senior and the young people. Another solution is by giving subsidies and tax exemptions for families that have young children. It is hoped that it will trigger families to have more children in their young age. Lastly, these countries could also accept young and productive immigrants from other countries who are qualified and well educated. Many advanced countries have done this, such as Australia, New Zealand and Canada and the immigrants have had a positive impact on the economic growth of these countries. In conclusion, many people are predicting that most developed countries will face ageing problem in the future. It is obvious that the ageing problem might become a serious treat for them, especially in their economic sectors and in the social formation. However, there are some solutions that governments could consider, and some of them are by persuading their people to have more children in the young age and accepting qualified immigrants from other countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard term Original: the natality of most advanced countries Suggested revision: the birth rate in most developed countries Why it matters: “Birth rate” is the standard demographic term, and countries are normally described as developed here.
- 2. Fix passive form Original: forecasted Suggested revision: forecast Why it matters: The conventional passive construction is “it is forecast that.”
- 3. Correct verb choice Original: done Suggested revision: implemented Why it matters: Solutions are implemented rather than done.
- 4. Fix complement Original: will be the elderly generation Suggested revision: will be elderly Why it matters: People can be described as elderly, but they cannot collectively “be the elderly generation” in this construction.
- 5. Clarify workforce shortage Original: scarcity of working class population Suggested revision: shortage of working-age people Why it matters: “Working-age people” identifies the relevant population more accurately than “working class population.”
- 6. Use precise collocation Original: boost the economic sector Suggested revision: sustain economic growth Why it matters: “Sustain economic growth” states the intended economic effect more naturally.
- 7. Use natural noun phrase Original: the senior people Suggested revision: older people Why it matters: “Older people” is the natural and neutral expression in this context.
- 8. Simplify future trend Original: will be increasing each year Suggested revision: will increase each year Why it matters: The simple future is clearer for a predicted recurring increase.
- 9. Use plural provision Original: their pension plan Suggested revision: pension programmes Why it matters: The sentence refers generally to publicly funded pension provision, not one personal plan.
- 10. Correct care term Original: retirement house Suggested revision: care homes Why it matters: “Care homes” is the standard term for residential facilities for older people.
- 11. Correct service term Original: medication facilities Suggested revision: medical services Why it matters: “Medical services” accurately names the healthcare provision governments fund.
- 12. Avoid wrong collocation Original: soluble Suggested revision: viable Why it matters: “Soluble” describes something that can dissolve, whereas “viable” means workable.
Suggested Rewrites
- the natality of most advanced countries the birth rate in most developed countries
- forecasted forecast
- done implemented
- will be the elderly generation will be elderly
- scarcity of working class population shortage of working-age people
- boost the economic sector sustain economic growth
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses the predicted effects and offers several practical solutions, with its strongest feature being a clear problem–solution progression supported by relevant examples. Its main limitation is recurrent awkward phrasing and imprecise collocation, while the writer’s personal view is more implied than directly articulated. Prioritise stating the position explicitly and expressing each cause, consequence, and proposal in more natural, concise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response covers the economic and fiscal effects, proposes several relevant measures, and conveys that population ageing is a serious problem.
State the personal view directly and evaluate which proposed measure would be most effective rather than mainly listing solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The problem–solution sequence is easy to follow and linking is clear, but the entire response lacks effective paragraph divisions and some transitions are mechanical.
Divide the response into an introduction, effects paragraph, solutions paragraph, and conclusion, with one controlling focus in each.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurring unnatural combinations such as “soluble solutions” and “serious treat” reduce lexical precision.
Prioritise accurate topic collocations, especially for labour shortages, welfare expenditure, incentives, and demographic change.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures successfully, though recurring article, preposition, agreement, and clause-construction errors remain noticeable.
Edit systematically for articles and noun phrases, especially expressions such as “an ageing problem,” “at a young age,” and “a shortage of workers.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? What is your view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.