The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? What is your view?
Sample Response
The predictions show that the birth rate in industrial nations will decline over the next half of the century. Estimates indicateEstimations have reported that over 30% of technologically advanced societies will be aged 65 or overget 65 years old and over by 2030. This alarming trend leads to a declining populationdecreasing population, tax revenuesincomes and the active workforceactive labour. A falling birth rateFalling birth rate yields a plethora of hurdles. FirstAt first, the low rate of pregnancy among women results in a decline inresults in declining the population of the country. Furthermore, this problemhitch causes a reduction in tax revenuethe reduction of taxable incomes, so the government must allocate a large share of its budgetspend a huge amount of budget for medical care and social services in order to support old people. Finally, the third obstacle of this condition is a sharp decline in the active workforcethe plunge of an active workforce. To address these problemsOn the other hand, economic experts have suggested a host of solutions for this upheaval. The first effective solution is strengtheningfortifying incentive policies to raise the fertility ratefor rising fertility rate among young couples. As a prime example, the government can pay a subsidy for each newborn childany newborn kids. In addition, a second approach to this problemthe second technique of problem-solving that can reform this dilemma is facilitating the immigration ofexpediting immigration of young skilled workers and experienced engineers from less developed countries. Nowadays, many countriesa wide spectrum of states implements this policy. As an outstanding instance, Australia has facilitated the entryentrance of migrants. Thus the government publishes a list of needed occupationsrequired labour in certain fields based on specific criteria annually. In conclusion, the drop of birth rate escalates a number of challenges such as shortage of labour forces, the peak of old age group and the exacerbate of social services and health cares. These disastrous crises can be modified by executing beneficial methods like the financial support of couples for raise of fertility and accelerating of immigration processes.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies several important consequences of population ageing and proposes two relevant policy responses, including fertility incentives and skilled immigration. Its main limitation is that the requested personal view remains implicit, while many ideas are expressed through strained or inaccurate wording and the whole essay lacks paragraph divisions. The highest-priority improvement is to state a clear view and develop the effects and solutions in separate paragraphs using direct cause-and-effect explanations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The effects and possible responses are relevant and reasonably developed, but the writer does not explicitly present the personal view requested by the task.
State a clear opinion on the seriousness of the trend and which policy should be prioritised, then justify that choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses recognisably from consequences to solutions and conclusion, but the single-paragraph format and mechanical sequencing weaken organisation.
Use distinct paragraphs for the demographic effects, fiscal and labour effects, policy responses, and final position.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a broad policy and demographic range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'an ageing population', 'tax revenue', 'a shrinking workforce', 'fertility incentives', and 'facilitate skilled immigration'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures conveys the main ideas, although errors with articles, verb patterns, countability, and noun forms occur regularly.
Revise forms such as 'results in a population decline', 'allocate a large budget', and 'financial support to raise fertility rates'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? What is your view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.