Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Sample Response
The world has seen an increase in crime levelsan elevation in the levels of crime over the last few decades. The overall severitydegree and nature of crime have also worsened to a point where the general safety of no one can be guaranteed. Finding a solution to this problem has been a challengeThe potential solution to this problem has been a dilemma for quite some time now. Many believe that laws should be made stricterlaws should be made more stringent whereas others surmise that even tighter laws will be of little benefiteven tighter laws will do little benefit. I am strongly in favour of the latter viewa strong supporter of the latter belief. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the topic from both perspectives and justify my viewviews with relevant examples.
Today,As we all know, today expenditure on correctional facilitiesthe correctional facilities for the rehabilitation of offendersfor rehabilitation of criminals is a serious responsibilitytask for the authorities. A majority of the public believes that the treatment of offenders should be even harsher so that fear of punishmentso that a fear of punishment is instilled among potential lawbreakers. Moreover, even petty thieves are known to have improved their behaviourshown improvement in actions after being incarcerated for a short amount of time. Thus, in order to bring about a change in the behaviour of offendersthe nature of criminals on a mass scale, spending on correctional institutionsthe expense on correctional institutions is mandatory.
That being said, a large segment of the population also does not acceptdoes not put stock in the notion that correctional services have a positive effect on an offender's mindsetsignificant impact on the mind of a felon in a positive way. Since the way of life behind bars is immensely different from civilian life, some feel that such harsh conditionssuch rough experiences further damage the psyche of an individual, driving them to do greater damage to society. Therefore, once a person resorts to lawbreaking, they fall prey to a vicious cycle that is difficult to break out of and be part of society again.
To sum up, there is a need for government intervention for the addressing criminal conductcorrection of offensive conduct and misdemeanour. Although there will be instances of crime no matter how strictly the laws are enforceddevised, it is important to fosterspread a sense of security among the citizens.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is coherently organised and demonstrates a strong ability to construct complex sentences and discuss opposing perspectives. Its main limitation is task focus: the discussion narrows crime prevention to punishment and correctional facilities, while the stated support for the view that little can be done becomes inconsistent in the conclusion. The priority is to compare the two precise positions directly and sustain one clear opinion throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are considered, but the discussion is narrowly framed around correctional treatment and the writer's final position is inconsistent.
Address preventive action versus its limitations explicitly and restate the same clear opinion in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraph sequence, and the contrasting viewpoints are linked smoothly.
Make the conclusion follow directly from the two body arguments rather than introducing a partly conflicting recommendation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often sophisticated, although several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as do little benefit and improvement in actions with more natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and generally accurate, with only occasional awkward constructions that do not impede meaning.
Improve control of articles, prepositions, and parallel phrasing in the few cumbersome sentences.