Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Many are of the opinion that the maleof the opinion the male inclination towards violence is the root of many international conflicts and societies ruled by women might be more peaceful. In my opinion, this claim is likely truethis is likely true.
The reason that some oppose this seemingly sexist viewpoint is based on past examples of female leaders. The sample size is much smaller but leaders like Margaret Thatcher, Cleopatra, Hilary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice, Queen Elisabeth I, Joan d’Arc and countless others have started, maintained, and escalated violent conflicts. There are very few examples of peaceful female leaders and those that exist can be matched proportionally with male leaders. The claim that women are more peaceful is not supported by historical evidence. A major caveat is that these are the exceptions and women rulers have held power in a world otherwise dominated by a male hierarchydominated by male hierarchy. It is impossible to know how peaceful the world would be if women held the majority of powerful positions.
Furthermore, men are naturally predisposed towards aggression. This stems from both biology and society. Men produce more testosterone than women and this has been shown to increase aggressive tendencies and violent behaviour. Men can curb this instinct but it has the potential to override their better judgementundermine their better nature at any moment. There are also societal forces at work that play on men’s pride. From a young age, boys are raised to be tough, to not back down, to not compromise and to idealise violent heroes. The majority of male role models are violent, ranging from historic figures to action stars and even videogame characters. It is hard to clearly disentangle the roles of nature and nurturedisentangle the roles of nature and nurture clearly but the result of their interactionend product of their combination is evident in both males and femalesclear for both males and females.
In conclusion, males are more violent and women would likely be more peaceful given the opportunity to govern on a wider scalerule widely. The question of the desirability of ending all conflicts and its global impact is another matter.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay sustains a clear position while engaging thoughtfully with counterevidence, and its discussion of biological and social influences is detailed and logically connected. Some historical assertions are overgeneralised, and the final sentence introduces an undeveloped issue beyond the central question. The strongest improvement would be to qualify contentious examples more carefully and finish by synthesising only the argument actually established.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear opinion, a considered counterargument, and substantial support for the main position.
Qualify broad historical claims and remove the undeveloped final comment about whether ending conflict is desirable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from counterevidence to the writer's main reasoning, with effective paragraphing and referencing.
Create a tighter conclusion that synthesises the two body paragraphs without opening a separate line of inquiry.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and precise academic vocabulary flexibly, despite a few awkward or overly broad formulations.
Refine collocations such as male hierarchy and rule widely, and avoid absolute wording where the evidence is necessarily uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and mostly controlled, although a few article, complement, and phrasing errors remain.
Proofread constructions such as are of the opinion that and use more natural grammatical framing for comparative claims.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.