Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
As there are an increasing number ofincreasingly more female leaders around the world, some people believe that this trend would leadthis would lead to a more peaceful world, as opposed to the past violence causedallowed by male leaders. I disagree with this since the problem is not so much an issue of genderan issue between genders, but rather an issue of power; more specifically, power is what corrupts people.
Many are quick to point out that in the past, the aggressiveness of many male leaders is what has led to wars and other conflictswar and conflicts. In order to display their masculinityand to, and To maintain an imagekeep up an image of a patriarchal society, male leaders might project toughnessact tough in order to gather the support of the populace. Female leaders, on the other hand, might adopt more sympathetic and diplomatic approachesdisplay more sympathetic and diplomatic gestures and are less likely to resort to violence if disputes ariseif disputes are to arise. In this way, they can garner public support by meeting the public's needs and wantsproviding for their needs and wants in a more peaceful manner.
On the other hand, if we look closely at history, we can see that this is not true. This suggests that it is not gender, but rather power, that drives aggressive behavior. Throughout history, for example, it has been shown that queens were statistically more likely to wage war than kings. A drive to secure resources is universal, and it could be argued that women might even be more observant in these sorts of situations to know when to wage war. As such, simply changing what sex a leader is will not lead to a safer world - rather, it is important to ensure that there are avenues of cross-country collaboration.
Overall, therefore, it could be argued that since power is what drives conflict, gender does not matter, and even if society was governed by all-female actors, the result would likely look the same when compared to a world led by men.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and offers a thoughtful contrast between gender-based explanations and the corrupting effects of power. Its main limitation is that several supporting claims are speculative or insufficiently substantiated, which weakens the depth of the argument. The highest-priority improvement is to replace broad historical assertions with a more carefully explained example that directly demonstrates why political incentives outweigh gender.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully engages with the opinion, sustains a clear position, and develops both a concession and a rebuttal.
Support the central claim with a specific, well-explained example rather than relying on broad statistical or behavioural assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and generally cohesive, though the reference in 'this is not true' is momentarily ambiguous.
Use more precise referencing when shifting from the opposing view to the rebuttal so the logical relationship is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, but phrases such as 'past violence allowed by male leaders' and 'all-female actors' sound unnatural.
Choose more idiomatic wording and avoid abstract expressions when simpler terms would communicate the argument more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, while a few punctuation, capitalisation, and conditional-form slips remain.
Proofread sentence openings and embedded clauses, especially the capitalised 'To' and the conditional phrasing in the conclusion.