Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
As there are increasingly more female leaders around the world, some people believe that this would lead to a more peaceful world, as opposed to the past violence allowed by male leaders. I disagree with this since the problem is not so much an issue between genders, but rather an issue of power; more specifically, power is what corrupts people.
Many are quick to point out that in the past, the aggressiveness of many male leaders is what has led to war and conflicts. In order to display their masculinity, and To keep up an image of a patriarchal society, male leaders might act tough in order to gather the support of the populace. Female leaders, on the other hand, might display more sympathetic and diplomatic gestures and are less likely to resort to violence if disputes are to arise. In this way, they can garner public support by providing for their needs and wants in a more peaceful manner.
On the other hand, if we look closely at history, we can see that this is not true. This suggests that it is not gender, but rather power, that drives aggressive behavior. Throughout history, for example, it has been shown that queens were statistically more likely to wage war than kings. A drive to secure resources is universal, and it could be argued that women might even be more observant in these sorts of situations to know when to wage war. As such, simply changing what sex a leader is will not lead to a safer world - rather, it is important to ensure that there are avenues of cross-country collaboration.
Overall, therefore, it could be argued that since power is what drives conflict, gender does not matter, and even if society was governed by all-female actors, the result would likely look the same when compared to a world led by men.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural quantity phrase Original: increasingly more Suggested revision: an increasing number of Why it matters: This phrase expresses growth in the number of leaders more naturally.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: this would lead Suggested revision: this trend would lead Why it matters: Naming the trend gives the pronoun a clear antecedent.
- 3. Choose a precise verb Original: allowed Suggested revision: caused Why it matters: “Caused” expresses the intended responsibility more directly than “allowed.”
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: an issue between genders Suggested revision: an issue of gender Why it matters: This is the more natural phrase for describing a gender-based issue.
- 5. Avoid category overlap Original: war and conflicts Suggested revision: wars and other conflicts Why it matters: War is a type of conflict, so “other” makes the coordination precise.
- 6. Fix coordination Original: , and To Suggested revision: and to Why it matters: The coordinated infinitives need neither this comma nor a capital letter.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: keep up an image Suggested revision: maintain an image Why it matters: “Maintain an image” is more concise and appropriately formal.
- 8. Use academic register Original: act tough Suggested revision: project toughness Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same idea in a more formal register.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: display more sympathetic and diplomatic gestures Suggested revision: adopt more sympathetic and diplomatic approaches Why it matters: People adopt approaches, whereas “display gestures” is awkward in this context.
- 10. Simplify the condition Original: if disputes are to arise Suggested revision: if disputes arise Why it matters: The simple present is the natural tense in this conditional clause.
- 11. Clarify the pronoun Original: providing for their needs and wants Suggested revision: meeting the public's needs and wants Why it matters: The replacement makes clear whose needs female leaders would meet.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: A drive to secure resources is universal, and it could be argued that women might even be more observant in these sorts of situations to know when to wage war. Suggested revision: The drive to secure resources is universal, and women might even be more perceptive in these situations and therefore know when to wage war. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward “observant ... to know” construction while preserving the comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- increasingly more an increasing number of
- this would lead this trend would lead
- allowed caused
- an issue between genders an issue of gender
- war and conflicts wars and other conflicts
- , and To and to
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and offers a thoughtful contrast between gender-based explanations and the corrupting effects of power. Its main limitation is that several supporting claims are speculative or insufficiently substantiated, which weakens the depth of the argument. The highest-priority improvement is to replace broad historical assertions with a more carefully explained example that directly demonstrates why political incentives outweigh gender.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully engages with the opinion, sustains a clear position, and develops both a concession and a rebuttal.
Support the central claim with a specific, well-explained example rather than relying on broad statistical or behavioural assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and generally cohesive, though the reference in 'this is not true' is momentarily ambiguous.
Use more precise referencing when shifting from the opposing view to the rebuttal so the logical relationship is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, but phrases such as 'past violence allowed by male leaders' and 'all-female actors' sound unnatural.
Choose more idiomatic wording and avoid abstract expressions when simpler terms would communicate the argument more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, while a few punctuation, capitalisation, and conditional-form slips remain.
Proofread sentence openings and embedded clauses, especially the capitalised 'To' and the conditional phrasing in the conclusion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.