Heathcare and education are two important aspects of a nation and its population. Therefore, some people suggest that education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that a country's growth largely depends on how educated and healthy its citizens are, and therefore some people suggest a free and state-provided healthcare and education system. The burgeoning population and the lack of funds, however, often make it harder for the authorities to bear the expenses. Therefore, I disagree with the opinion stated and believe that an effective solution, in this case, would be to divide the expenditures between the government and the individuals.
To begin with, education, nowadays, plays a vital role in the development of society. Not only does it create job opportunities but also helps people become aware of the socio-economic issues of the country. Making education free till the age of 18 would encourage pupils to finish at least their secondary education. For instance, the percentage of student enrollment in schools in 2020 in my country increased by 35% more than that in 2015, and it was because the government exempted fees for students in these classes.
Moreover, the healthcare system can also be improved by providing either health insurance or schemes that cover a minimum of 50 per cent of the cost. Thus people would not feel that healthcare is expensive, and the government would not need to bear the expenses alone. A healthier nation can help the country achieve greater heights as citizens in such countries are more productive. Consequently, economic growth will be bolstered and the government will be able to become self-reliant.
To conclude, with the implementation of shared measures to support education and treatment, there would be no burden either on the government or individuals. Both the government and individuals can go hand in hand to cope with this and build an enlightened and healthy nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove mismatched article Original: a free and state-provided healthcare and education system Suggested revision: free, state-provided healthcare and education systems Why it matters: The singular article does not fit the two coordinated systems.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: authorities to bear the expenses Suggested revision: authorities to cover the costs Why it matters: Cover the costs is a more natural collocation for paying public-service expenses.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the individuals Suggested revision: individuals Why it matters: The general plural noun does not need the definite article.
- 4. Remove unnecessary commas Original: education, nowadays, Suggested revision: education nowadays Why it matters: The adverb does not need to be enclosed by commas here.
- 5. Use formal wording Original: till Suggested revision: until Why it matters: Until is more appropriate than till in formal academic prose.
- 6. Use precise verb Original: finish Suggested revision: complete Why it matters: Complete is the more precise verb for finishing a stage of education.
- 7. Add linker comma Original: Thus people Suggested revision: Thus, people Why it matters: A comma should follow this introductory linking adverb.
- 8. Match singular reference Original: citizens in such countries Suggested revision: its citizens Why it matters: The pronoun should refer consistently to the singular noun nation.
- 9. Clarify vague reference Original: cope with this Suggested revision: share these costs Why it matters: The revision states clearly what the two groups would handle together.
- 10. Soften absolute wording Original: It is irrefutable Suggested revision: It is widely accepted Why it matters: The revision avoids an unnecessarily absolute claim while preserving the point.
- 11. Use precise wording Original: The burgeoning population Suggested revision: Population growth Why it matters: Population growth states the pressure on public finances more directly.
- 12. Remove redundant phrase Original: in this case, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The phrase adds no necessary connection because the solution already refers to the stated issue.
Suggested Rewrites
- a free and state-provided healthcare and education system free, state-provided healthcare and education systems
- authorities to bear the expenses authorities to cover the costs
- the individuals individuals
- education, nowadays, education nowadays
- till until
- finish complete
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear, consistent position, supported by separate discussion of education and healthcare and relevant practical examples. Its main limitation is that some reasoning is asserted rather than fully examined, particularly the financial feasibility of the proposed cost-sharing arrangements; the highest-priority improvement is to explain more precisely why these arrangements are preferable to fully state-funded provision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both services, maintains a clear cost-sharing position, and develops its main ideas with relevant explanation and examples.
Develop the financial comparison further by showing why shared funding is more workable than fully government-funded provision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with generally effective cohesive links.
Make connections within paragraphs more precise so that each consequence follows explicitly from the preceding claim.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, although a few combinations and quantitative expressions are awkward.
Refine collocations and comparative phrasing, especially when describing expenditure, enrolment changes, and economic outcomes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, despite occasional coordination and punctuation errors.
Check parallel structures carefully, particularly constructions such as not only...but also, to eliminate the remaining grammatical slips.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Heathcare and education are two important aspects of a nation and its population. Therefore, some people suggest that education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.