Heathcare and education are two important aspects of a nation and its population. Therefore, some people suggest that education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
It is widely acceptedIt is irrefutable that a country's growth largely depends on how educated and healthy its citizens are, and therefore some people suggest free, state-provided healthcare and education systemsa free and state-provided healthcare and education system. Population growthThe burgeoning population and limited public fundsthe lack of funds, however, often make it harder for the authorities to cover the costsauthorities to bear the expenses. Therefore, I disagree with the opinion stated and believe that an effective solution, Deletein this case, would be to share the costsdivide the expenditures between the government and individualsthe individuals.
To begin with, education nowadayseducation, nowadays, plays a vital role in the development of society. Not only does it create job opportunities but also helps people become aware of the socio-economic issues of the country. Making education free untiltill the age of 18 would encourage pupils to completefinish at least their secondary education. For instance, the percentage of student enrollment in schools in 2020 in my country increased by 35% more than that in 2015, and it was because the government exempted fees for students in these classes.
Moreover, the healthcare system can also be improved by providing either health insurance or schemes that cover a minimum of 50 per cent of the cost. Thus, peopleThus people would not feel that healthcare is unaffordableexpensive, and the government would not need to bear the expenses alone. A healthier nation can help the country make greater progressachieve greater heights as its citizenscitizens in such countries are more productive. Consequently, economic growth will be strengthenedbolstered and the government will become more financially sustainablebe able to become self-reliant.
To conclude, with the implementation of shared measures to support education and treatment, there would be no burden on either the government or individualsno burden either on the government or individuals. Both the government and individuals can work togethergo hand in hand to share these costscope with this and build an enlightened and healthy nation.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear, consistent position, supported by separate discussion of education and healthcare and relevant practical examples. Its main limitation is that some reasoning is asserted rather than fully examined, particularly the financial feasibility of the proposed cost-sharing arrangements; the highest-priority improvement is to explain more precisely why these arrangements are preferable to fully state-funded provision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both services, maintains a clear cost-sharing position, and develops its main ideas with relevant explanation and examples.
Develop the financial comparison further by showing why shared funding is more workable than fully government-funded provision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with generally effective cohesive links.
Make connections within paragraphs more precise so that each consequence follows explicitly from the preceding claim.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, although a few combinations and quantitative expressions are awkward.
Refine collocations and comparative phrasing, especially when describing expenditure, enrolment changes, and economic outcomes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, despite occasional coordination and punctuation errors.
Check parallel structures carefully, particularly constructions such as not only...but also, to eliminate the remaining grammatical slips.