Some people think that students who do not take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, in this competitive world for success, knowledge and experience are very necessary. Therefore the students who get enrolled in a university directly from high school are less valuable and less contributive to the community as compared to those who take breaks during the study and take some experience through jobs and travelling. For these two different opinions, I am going to classify these two groups with names: group A and group B. Group A for those who do not take rest in studies up to university and group B for those who take a gap between school and university studies and get some practical experience in their lives.
As we know that study from high school to university studies will give us valuable theoretical experience only. Even in last year of the graduations university will send students to some of the companies for internships and apprenticeships to get training. But this is not enough for a practical job. A real job is something different and difficult from the training. When Group A students get jobs in a large company, they will face problems and they will not know how to handle the situations and how to deal customers and office staffs. Even some of their senior staffs will crush them hard and will tease them because fresh candidates do not know the work environment.
As compared to group A, group B students will be efficient and active and they will easily come across the problems and customers dealings. They will observe their senior staffs; what they are doing with them and they will response more professionally by using their experience and ability. The students from group B will be able to handle the corporate culture more appropriately only because they have better job understanding than the students of group A.
Group A students are less contributive also when a firm hires newcomers for a job. First, they have to train the newly hired staffs so more expenses are needed for that which comes from their salaries. And when they get experience, they are offer for better salaries. On other hand group B students from the beginning start earning more through their experience and work. This proves that group B is far more contributive to the new world economy.
So from the above discussion, it is concluded that Group A students are less efficient, less valuable and less contributive as compared to group B students. Hence in this modern era, we have to get a better education as well as better experience to become competent candidate everywhere. From this regards, taking a gap between the high school and university education to gain practical experience and understanding of the world is a better option.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove strained phrase Original: competitive world for success Suggested revision: competitive world Why it matters: “For success” does not naturally modify “world” and adds no clear meaning.
- 2. Use precise adjective Original: very necessary Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: “Essential” is the natural concise alternative to the awkward intensifier combination.
- 3. Fix enrolment phrase Original: get enrolled in a university Suggested revision: enrol at university Why it matters: The active form and preposition are natural for students beginning university study.
- 4. Correct contribution form Original: less valuable and less contributive to the community Suggested revision: less valuable and contribute less to the community Why it matters: “Contributive” is unnatural for describing how much people contribute.
- 5. Use experience collocation Original: take some experience Suggested revision: gain experience Why it matters: People gain experience rather than take it.
- 6. Refer to groups Original: For these two different opinions Suggested revision: To distinguish these two groups Why it matters: The contrast concerns two categories of students, not two opinions.
- 7. Use naming phrase Original: classify these two groups with names Suggested revision: refer to them as Why it matters: “Refer to them as” is the natural phrase for assigning labels in the discussion.
- 8. Fix degree-year phrase Original: in last year of the graduations Suggested revision: in the final year of their degrees Why it matters: The phrase requires an article, a singular time expression, and the correct noun for courses of study.
- 9. Add required preposition Original: deal customers Suggested revision: deal with customers Why it matters: The verb “deal” requires “with” before a person or group.
- 10. Use uncountable staff Original: staffs Suggested revision: staff Why it matters: “Staff” is normally an uncountable collective noun in this context.
- 11. Clarify harsh treatment Original: crush them hard Suggested revision: treat them harshly Why it matters: The original expression is not natural English for workplace mistreatment.
- 12. Use problem-solving verb Original: come across the problems Suggested revision: overcome problems Why it matters: “Come across” means encounter, while the intended claim is that experienced students handle problems successfully.
Suggested Rewrites
- competitive world for success competitive world
- very necessary essential
- get enrolled in a university enrol at university
- less valuable and less contributive to the community less valuable and contribute less to the community
- take some experience gain experience
- For these two different opinions To distinguish these two groups
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its sustained, clearly stated preference for gaining practical experience before university, with an orderly comparison of the two student groups. Its main limitation is that the reasoning is repetitive and almost entirely job-focused, while frequent language errors make several claims sound imprecise or exaggerated. The highest priority is to develop one balanced, realistic comparison using accurate grammar and natural employment-related vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear position and offers relevant reasons about workplace readiness, but its support is repetitive, overgeneralised, and neglects the travel aspect.
Explain one realistic work example in depth and add how travel or another gap-year experience could prepare a student for university.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs follow a logical comparison from definitions to the weaknesses of one group and strengths of the other, though repetition makes progression mechanical.
Replace repeated “Group A” and “Group B” labels with clearer topic sentences that advance a distinct reason in each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The essay has enough vocabulary to discuss education and employment, but frequent word-form and collocation errors substantially weaken precision.
Learn natural phrases such as “contribute less”, “deal with customers”, “respond professionally”, and “understand the workplace”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but frequent errors with articles, plurals, agreement, verb forms, and prepositions occur across the response.
Edit each sentence for a complete subject-verb structure and correct countable nouns and passive forms, such as “employees” and “are offered”.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that students who do not take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.