All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty?
Sample Response
More than 70% of global resources and wealth are controlled by only 7% of the population and it shows the overwhelming disparity of the resource distribution throughout the world. As a result of capitalism and improper distribution of facilities and resources, the poor are becoming even poorer while the rich are amassing more wealth. This causes unimaginable problems to the human and some steps should be implemented immediately to reduce the discrimination of wealth distribution. To begin with, the inequality of wealth distribution increases delinquency. It is noticeable that the crime rate all around the world has significantly increased as the wealthier are getting more affluent and the poor are suffering to support their basic needs. The overall development of a country does not depend on a tiny portion of rich people, rather it depends on an active economy and fair wealth distribution. Moreover, when the discrimination between rich and poor increases, the political situation deteriorates and a country steps into the verse of corruption and civil war. To overcome the poverty problem the state must emphasise quality education. Education is the single most important answer to this problem. Moreover, the government should utilise the resources a country has and support the small and medium entrepreneurs by providing subsidies. Finally, very fundamental needs like education and treatment should be funded by the state. For example, according to a recent article in a research journal, most rich nations in the world have been successful due to their better education system and fair governance system. To conclude, the increasing gaps between rich and needy brings many predicaments to a country and quality education is the solution to the poverty problem. The government must ensure an active economy in the country to ensure fair resource distributions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the disparity phrase Original: disparity of the resource distribution Suggested revision: disparity in resource distribution Why it matters: Disparity takes the preposition in when identifying the unequal area.
- 2. Use precise inequality wording Original: improper Suggested revision: unequal Why it matters: Unequal directly describes the distribution problem discussed.
- 3. Use the natural noun phrase Original: inequality of wealth distribution Suggested revision: unequal distribution of wealth Why it matters: The revision is the natural way to describe how wealth is divided.
- 4. Use the crime collocation Original: increases delinquency Suggested revision: contributes to crime Why it matters: Contributes to crime is a more accurate and natural collocation for a social cause.
- 5. Use concise group wording Original: a tiny portion of rich people Suggested revision: a small wealthy minority Why it matters: The revision expresses the small affluent group concisely.
- 6. Correct the contrast punctuation Original: , rather it depends Suggested revision: ; rather, it depends Why it matters: A semicolon separates the independent clauses, and rather is followed by a comma.
- 7. Use precise economic wording Original: an active economy and fair wealth distribution Suggested revision: a dynamic economy and fair wealth distribution Why it matters: Dynamic describes a productive, functioning economy more precisely than active.
- 8. Add a concise transition Original: To overcome the poverty problem Suggested revision: To reduce poverty, Why it matters: The revision removes redundant wording and adds the comma required after the introductory phrase.
- 9. Use the solution collocation Original: single most important answer Suggested revision: most important solution Why it matters: Solution, rather than answer, is the natural noun for addressing poverty.
- 10. Use concise possession Original: the resources a country has Suggested revision: the country's resources Why it matters: The possessive form is clearer and more concise.
- 11. Name businesses accurately Original: the small and medium entrepreneurs Suggested revision: small and medium-sized enterprises Why it matters: Enterprises is the correct term for the businesses receiving subsidies.
- 12. Remove the redundant intensifier Original: very fundamental needs Suggested revision: fundamental needs Why it matters: Fundamental already means basic and essential, so very is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- disparity of the resource distribution disparity in resource distribution
- improper unequal
- inequality of wealth distribution unequal distribution of wealth
- increases delinquency contributes to crime
- a tiny portion of rich people a small wealthy minority
- , rather it depends ; rather, it depends
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both questions with relevant problems, including crime, political instability, corruption, and conflict, and proposes education, small-business support, public services, and fair governance. Its strongest feature is the breadth of workable policy directions. The main limitation is that all ideas appear in one paragraph and several are asserted rather than explained; the priority is to develop one causal chain for each problem and show how each proposed measure directly reduces poverty.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both problem and solution aspects are covered with several relevant ideas, but development and the supporting example remain somewhat general.
Explain precisely how education, business subsidies, and publicly funded healthcare increase income or reduce vulnerability, using one credible country example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves from causes and consequences to solutions and conclusion, but the single-paragraph structure and mechanical sequencing weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, social and political problems, education and employment solutions, public-service measures, and conclusion into focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently broad for inequality, crime, governance, education, and economic policy, though inaccurate word choices and repetition are frequent.
Use precise phrases such as 'wealth inequality', 'meet basic needs', 'brink of civil conflict', 'healthcare', and 'fair distribution of resources'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument, but agreement, articles, plurals, punctuation, and clause linking contain recurring errors.
Correct forms such as 'the widening gap brings', 'resources are distributed', and 'crime rises when people cannot meet their basic needs'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
All over the world, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. What problems does this cause? How can we overcome the problems of poverty?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.