Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes of global warming and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue?
Sample Response
For the past few decades, we have observed a major shift in climatic conditions of planet Earth. Drift in the environmental system is largely due to global warming which has become an acute problem. This essay will analyse the root causes of global warming and will suggest remedies to lower the risk associated with this alarming problem.
There are many causes of global warming, but it is mostly due to the greenhouse effect. The greenhouse effect is a phenomenon where gases such as carbon dioxide trap heat from the sun which causes the global temperature to rise above optimal level. Activities of human beings contribute equally to the increase of global warming. Factories and vehicles result in the emission of carbon gases and fumes which are depleting the ozone layer surrounding the earth. Utilisation of fossil fuels and other hazardous chemicals are other reasons of global warming. Moreover, countries are becoming more industrialised and are dumping waste into the atmosphere without realising its harmful effects and severity of the issue. Rising temperatures due to global warming would result in melting of polar ice-caps which will trigger severe floods, droughts and other extreme weather conditions.
This critical issue which could potentially eliminate the human race should be death on government and individual level. Governments should enforce strict policies and regulations to control the emission of carbon gases from industries. More focus should be made on using alternative petroleum products that are environment-friendly. Industries that are certified green should be charged lower tax rate. Awareness programs should be organised to educate masses. Apart from government, individual members of the society should step forward and play their role. People should select green vehicles for their transportation requirement; they should dump the waste properly, prefer to work in green certified industries and educate others.
To conclude, global warming poses a serious threat to mankind, wildlife and ecosystem of the planet. Governments and civilians both share equal responsibility to overcome this issue and make planet earth safer for mankind and other inhabitants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: Drift in the environmental system Suggested revision: This shift in the climate system Why it matters: The original phrase is unclear and not standard environmental vocabulary.
- 2. Article needed Original: above optimal level Suggested revision: above the optimal level Why it matters: Use "the" before this specific level.
- 3. More accurate wording Original: contribute equally to the increase of global warming Suggested revision: contribute significantly to global warming Why it matters: "Equally" is unsupported, and "increase of global warming" is awkward.
- 4. Standard collocation Original: emission of carbon gases Suggested revision: emission of greenhouse gases Why it matters: This is the more accurate climate term.
- 5. Scientific accuracy Original: depleting the ozone layer Suggested revision: adding to the greenhouse effect Why it matters: Carbon emissions primarily intensify the greenhouse effect; ozone depletion is a different issue.
- 6. Natural phrasing Original: hazardous chemicals are other reasons of global warming Suggested revision: hazardous industrial chemicals can also contribute to environmental damage Why it matters: The original is broad and uses the wrong preposition.
- 7. Modal choice Original: Rising temperatures due to global warming would result Suggested revision: Rising temperatures due to global warming can result Why it matters: "Can" is more appropriate for general consequences.
- 8. Wrong word and preposition Original: should be death on government and individual level Suggested revision: should be dealt with at government and individual levels Why it matters: This appears to confuse "dealt" with "death" and needs a standard phrase.
- 9. Wrong phrase Original: alternative petroleum products Suggested revision: alternative energy sources Why it matters: The intended solution is cleaner energy, not alternative petroleum.
- 10. Article/plural Original: lower tax rate Suggested revision: lower tax rates Why it matters: Use plural "rates" for a general policy.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: educate masses Suggested revision: educate the public Why it matters: This is more idiomatic and less dated.
- 12. Article needed Original: Apart from government Suggested revision: Apart from the government Why it matters: Use "the" before government in this phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- Drift in the environmental system This shift in the climate system
- above optimal level above the optimal level
- contribute equally to the increase of global warming contribute significantly to global warming
- emission of carbon gases emission of greenhouse gases
- depleting the ozone layer adding to the greenhouse effect
- hazardous chemicals are other reasons of global warming hazardous industrial chemicals can also contribute to environmental damage
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses causes and measures by both governments and individuals, with relevant environmental ideas. Some statements are scientifically imprecise, such as linking carbon emissions to ozone depletion, and several solutions are listed rather than developed.
Keep the strong structure, but make causes scientifically accurate and expand the most important government and individual measures with specific mechanisms.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into introduction, causes, solutions and conclusion. Cohesion is generally effective, though the solution paragraph becomes a list of recommendations.
Group solutions into regulation, clean energy and individual behaviour, and add linking phrases that show which cause each measure addresses.
Lexical Resource
Lexical range is good for the topic, with terms such as "greenhouse effect", "fossil fuels" and "extreme weather conditions". Some word choices are inaccurate or awkward, including "death on government" and "alternative petroleum products".
Use precise climate vocabulary: "addressed", "renewable energy", "emissions", "incentives", "low-carbon transport" and "public awareness campaigns".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is usually controlled and the writer uses some complex sentences well. Errors with prepositions, articles, passive forms and word forms still appear and occasionally distract.
Proofread for preposition patterns and passive constructions, especially in recommendations and technical explanations.