Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies.
Sample Response
Instead of being conducted by private companies, important scientific research must be managed and administered by the governments, according to the opinions of many. I personally believe that private companies should be given their own freedom in doing research, but with sufficient and proper monitoring from the government. On one hand, it is true that scientific research should not be only conducted by the government. The main reason is that the scope of scientific research is diverse and wide, and private companies could cover up some research which is not carried out by the governments. Many private institutions or individuals' discoveries are useful for the humanity, as we can learn from the past. For example, Thomas Alva Edison was an individual inventor who has greatly contributed to the world with his inventions such as the bulb light, motion pictures, phonograph and so on. We should notice that the invention was not the main focus of the government’s research during that time, and thanks to Edison we have electric light today. On the other hand, although private companies are given the right to do scientific research, they must be strictly monitored by the governments. They must be controlled, as some of them might be doing it for their monetary gain or for destructive weapons. For example, some companies might focus on developing biochemical weapons, and it could threaten the world peace. It is the governments’ job to prevent and block these kinds of research. In conclusion, I do not agree that scientific research should only be conducted by the governments. It is a fact that the scope of scientific research is huge. Therefore private companies should be allowed in doing research. However, I do agree the research that is done by private companies must be reviewed, and monitored by the governments in order to avoid any misappropriation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix verb construction Original: given their own freedom in doing research Suggested revision: allowed to conduct research Why it matters: The natural construction is “allow someone to conduct research,” not “give freedom in doing research”.
- 2. Complete paired connector Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard paired transition is “on the one hand … on the other hand”.
- 3. Place only clearly Original: should not be only conducted Suggested revision: should not be conducted only Why it matters: Moving “only” makes clear that government should not be the sole research provider.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: diverse and wide Suggested revision: broad and diverse Why it matters: “Broad and diverse” is the natural collocation for the range of scientific research.
- 5. Use correct phrasal verb Original: cover up some research Suggested revision: undertake some research Why it matters: “Cover up” means conceal wrongdoing, whereas the intended meaning is to conduct research.
- 6. Clarify possession Original: private institutions or individuals' discoveries Suggested revision: discoveries by private institutions or individuals Why it matters: The original coordination makes the possessive relationship grammatically unclear.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: for the humanity Suggested revision: for humanity Why it matters: “Humanity” takes no article when it means humankind generally.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: an individual inventor Suggested revision: an inventor Why it matters: An inventor is already an individual person in this context.
- 9. Use correct noun order Original: the bulb light Suggested revision: the light bulb Why it matters: The standard English term is “light bulb,” not “bulb light”.
- 10. Fix pronoun reference Original: biochemical weapons, and it Suggested revision: biochemical weapons, which Why it matters: The relative pronoun correctly refers to the development of biochemical weapons.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: the world peace Suggested revision: world peace Why it matters: The fixed expression “world peace” does not take the definite article.
- 12. Clarify plural possession Original: the governments’ job Suggested revision: the responsibility of governments Why it matters: The replacement avoids the awkward singular “job” attached to multiple governments.
Suggested Rewrites
- given their own freedom in doing research allowed to conduct research
- On one hand On the one hand
- should not be only conducted should not be conducted only
- diverse and wide broad and diverse
- cover up some research undertake some research
- private institutions or individuals' discoveries discoveries by private institutions or individuals
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with two relevant lines of argument that progress logically. Its main limitation is that the examples remain somewhat general, and the Edison example concerns an individual rather than a private company, reducing its precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each claim with more directly relevant reasoning while replacing awkward collocations with natural academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the issue directly, maintains a clear qualified position, and develops relevant reasons with supporting examples.
Develop the examples more precisely by explaining how private-company research, rather than individual invention, supports the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced across clear paragraphs, with effective overall progression despite some mechanical signposting and repetition.
Use less formulaic transitions and strengthen the links between each example and the central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response shows sufficient range for the topic, but several awkward or inaccurate collocations reduce lexical precision.
Replace expressions such as “cover up some research,” “bulb light,” and “allowed in doing research” with natural academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, though article, preposition, agreement, and punctuation errors recur.
Improve control of articles and prepositional patterns, especially with references to government, humanity, and permission to conduct research.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.