Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
All around the globe, governments allocate a significant amount of funds towards public celebrations such as national holidays, religious and national days and traditional festivals. Some individuals argue that the government spends excessive amounts of money on these events and should instead allocate it towards other useful purposes. In this essay, I will argue in favour of this statement.
The governments should not spend a considerable amount of money on public celebrations when many people, particularly those in developing nations, are poor, lack access to proper healthcare and education, and are unemployed. For example, in several countries, significant proportions of the population live below the poverty line and lack access to basic amenities, including food and shelter. Under these circumstances, spending a substantial amount on public celebrations is an unnecessary luxury.
Another reason why excessive spending on public celebrations may not be rational is that it may create an unnecessary financial burden on the government, leading to other essential services being neglected. For instance, if a government allocates a significant portion of its budget on national celebrations, it may end up underfunding critical sectors like education, social security, and infrastructure. This can result in a lack of basic amenities and facilities, which can negatively impact the overall well-being and progress of society.
In conclusion, governments, especially in developing nations like ours, should allocate a very small fund for public celebrations and reserve a much bigger budget towards more pressing needs. I think that governments already spend too much money on public celebrations, and this budget should be better utilised on public health, education, social security, job creation and infrastructural development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural money phrase Original: funds Suggested revision: money Why it matters: Money is the more natural uncountable noun after 'amount' in this context.
- 2. Avoid repeated category Original: religious and national days and traditional festivals Suggested revision: religious observances, national days, and traditional festivals Why it matters: This wording distinguishes the categories more precisely and avoids repeating 'national'.
- 3. Correct allocation pattern Original: allocate it towards other useful purposes Suggested revision: allocate these funds to other useful purposes Why it matters: Use 'allocate something to' and make the pronoun's reference to money explicit.
- 4. Remove general article Original: The governments should not spend Suggested revision: Governments should not spend Why it matters: A general plural noun does not take the definite article here.
- 5. Use singular proportion Original: significant proportions of the population Suggested revision: a significant proportion of the population Why it matters: The singular expression is more natural when describing one share of a population.
- 6. Use precise judgement Original: may not be rational Suggested revision: may be unjustified Why it matters: 'Unjustified' states the criticism more directly and precisely.
- 7. Correct allocation preposition Original: on Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The verb 'allocate' takes 'to' when naming the recipient or purpose.
- 8. Reduce vague overlap Original: basic amenities and facilities Suggested revision: essential services and facilities Why it matters: This replacement avoids the semantic overlap between 'amenities' and 'facilities'.
- 9. Correct budget collocation Original: fund Suggested revision: budget Why it matters: A government allocates a budget or funds, whereas 'a fund' usually denotes a separate pool of money.
- 10. Fix verb pattern Original: reserve a much bigger budget towards Suggested revision: allocate a much larger budget to Why it matters: 'Allocate a budget to' is the correct grammatical pattern for assigning money to needs.
- 11. Clarify fund reference Original: this budget should be better utilised on Suggested revision: these funds should instead be used for Why it matters: This wording clearly refers back to the money redirected from celebrations.
Suggested Rewrites
- funds money
- religious and national days and traditional festivals religious observances, national days, and traditional festivals
- allocate it towards other useful purposes allocate these funds to other useful purposes
- The governments should not spend Governments should not spend
- significant proportions of the population a significant proportion of the population
- may not be rational may be unjustified
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a consistently clear position and supports it through a logical discussion of social needs and competing government priorities. Its main limitation is that the two central arguments overlap and rely on broad, hypothetical examples rather than sharply differentiated evidence. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with a more specific consequence or illustration that adds distinct depth to the case.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed with a clear position and relevant, generally developed reasons, although the support remains somewhat general and overlapping.
Develop each main reason with a distinct, specific example or consequence instead of returning repeatedly to underfunded essential services.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally clarify the relationships between claims and examples.
Reduce repeated phrasing about significant spending and basic amenities to make the progression feel less mechanical.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied and appropriately formal vocabulary communicates the argument precisely, despite a few awkward collocations and repeated terms.
Refine collocations such as allocating money to services and reserving a budget for needs while varying recurring words such as significant and substantial.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentences is used with good control, and the few article, agreement, and preposition slips do not impede meaning.
Proofread noun phrases and dependent prepositions, particularly forms such as governments in general and allocate a portion of a budget to a purpose.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.