Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
All around the globe, governments allocate a significant amount of moneyfunds towards public celebrations such as national holidays, religious observances, national days, and traditional festivalsreligious and national days and traditional festivals. Some individuals argue that the government spends excessive amounts of money on these events and should instead allocate these funds to other useful purposesallocate it towards other useful purposes. In this essay, I will argue in favour of this statement.
Governments should not spendThe governments should not spend a considerable amount of money on public celebrations when many people, particularly those in developing nations, are poor, lack access to proper healthcare and education, and are unemployed. For example, in several countries, a significant proportion of the populationsignificant proportions of the population live below the poverty line and lack access to basic amenities, including food and shelter. Under these circumstances, spending a substantial amount on public celebrations is an unnecessary luxury.
Another reason why excessive spending on public celebrations may be unjustifiedmay not be rational is that it may create an unnecessary financial burden on the government, leading to other essential services being neglected. For instance, if a government allocates a significant portion of its budget toon national celebrations, it may end up underfunding critical sectors like education, social security, and infrastructure. This can result in a lack of essential services and facilitiesbasic amenities and facilities, which can negatively impact the overall well-being and progress of society.
In conclusion, governments, especially in developing nations like ours, should allocate a very small budgetfund for public celebrations and allocate a much larger budget toreserve a much bigger budget towards more pressing needs. I think that governments already spend too much money on public celebrations, and these funds should instead be used forthis budget should be better utilised on public health, education, social security, job creation and infrastructural development.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a consistently clear position and supports it through a logical discussion of social needs and competing government priorities. Its main limitation is that the two central arguments overlap and rely on broad, hypothetical examples rather than sharply differentiated evidence. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with a more specific consequence or illustration that adds distinct depth to the case.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed with a clear position and relevant, generally developed reasons, although the support remains somewhat general and overlapping.
Develop each main reason with a distinct, specific example or consequence instead of returning repeatedly to underfunded essential services.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally clarify the relationships between claims and examples.
Reduce repeated phrasing about significant spending and basic amenities to make the progression feel less mechanical.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied and appropriately formal vocabulary communicates the argument precisely, despite a few awkward collocations and repeated terms.
Refine collocations such as allocating money to services and reserving a budget for needs while varying recurring words such as significant and substantial.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentences is used with good control, and the few article, agreement, and preposition slips do not impede meaning.
Proofread noun phrases and dependent prepositions, particularly forms such as governments in general and allocate a portion of a budget to a purpose.