It is impossible to help all people around the world in need, so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is argued that supporting masses all over the world, who really need help, is not possible for governments, so the regime should focus on indigenous people of their own native land. I agree with this statement, aa it is the prime responsibility of any government to assist it’s a citizen first then others.
First and foremost, native people pay a tax to the government of their country, and they help in generating income. Thus their contribution to the development of a country is immense. Moreover, it is a moral obligation for the rulers who rule the country to provide a healthy living standard to its countrymen. So, the upliftment of a nation’s people is an indispensable task for the government. For instance, if developing countries support their people to raise their living conditions like creating employment, free education, reservation for downtrodden in various sectors, then people will flourish, and they can give an utmost contribution in making their country stand on foot and also in the line of developed nations. Afterward, that country can assist a lot of other nations in many ways.
In addition, it is impossible for a single nation to assist people all over the world due to the scarcity of funds. It is a shared responsibility. So, every government is liable to their masses in order to create harmony in the country and for shaping their country in a new world. Besides, there is no use in helping other people by depriving one’s people and making them handicapped to lead a life full of miseries. Thus people will experience trial and tribulations. So, people must be assisted by their own government.
In conclusion, serving people worldwide in supporting them in times of difficulties is impossible. It is because every government has its own responsibilities for its citizens. If any government fails to do so, then there will be anarchy in a nation, and a feeling of hatred will develop in the minds of people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: supporting masses Suggested revision: helping people Why it matters: Masses is impersonal and unnatural for people who need assistance.
- 2. Choose neutral term Original: the regime Suggested revision: each government Why it matters: Regime has an unnecessarily negative political connotation here.
- 3. State the group clearly Original: indigenous people of their own native land Suggested revision: people in its own country Why it matters: Indigenous and native land do not accurately express all domestic citizens.
- 4. Fix possessive form Original: it’s a citizen Suggested revision: its citizens Why it matters: Its is possessive, and a government is responsible for multiple citizens.
- 5. Clarify the sequence Original: first then others Suggested revision: before helping others Why it matters: Before correctly expresses the intended priority after the verb assist.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: pay a tax Suggested revision: pay taxes Why it matters: The general activity is conventionally expressed with the plural noun taxes.
- 7. Use precise phrasing Original: help in generating income Suggested revision: contribute to national income Why it matters: This collocation expresses the economic contribution more directly.
- 8. Remove repetition Original: rulers who rule the country Suggested revision: national leaders Why it matters: The original wording repeats the same idea unnecessarily.
- 9. Fix the collocation Original: a healthy living standard Suggested revision: a good standard of living Why it matters: Standard of living is the established English collocation.
- 10. Fix preposition and reference Original: to its countrymen Suggested revision: for their citizens Why it matters: Provide takes for in this construction, and their agrees with leaders.
- 11. Use correct collocation Original: raise Suggested revision: improve Why it matters: Living conditions are improved rather than raised.
- 12. Make the list parallel Original: like creating employment, free education, reservation for downtrodden in various sectors Suggested revision: by creating jobs, providing free education, and reserving opportunities for disadvantaged people in various sectors Why it matters: Parallel verb forms make the examples grammatically consistent and clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- supporting masses helping people
- the regime each government
- indigenous people of their own native land people in its own country
- it’s a citizen its citizens
- first then others before helping others
- pay a tax pay taxes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops two relevant reasons for prioritising domestic citizens, with a generally logical progression. Its effectiveness is reduced by frequent awkward or inaccurate word choices and recurring grammatical errors, although the meaning remains clear. The highest-priority improvement is to use simpler, more idiomatic language while checking articles, agreement, pronouns, and sentence structure carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question, sustains agreement, and develops relevant arguments about governmental duty and limited resources.
Make the support more precise by explaining how domestic priorities can coexist with realistic international assistance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into purposeful paragraphs and follow a broadly clear sequence, though some linking is mechanical.
Reduce repeated sentence openings such as So and connect supporting points through their logical relationships more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonable vocabulary range, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prefer accurate terms such as citizens, government, and improve living standards over strained alternatives such as masses, regime, and stand on foot.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex sentences are attempted successfully, but errors in articles, agreement, possessives, and phrasing recur.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement, correct pronoun forms, and complete grammatical patterns before adding complexity.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
It is impossible to help all people around the world in need, so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.