It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Same questionCompare 2 different answers (Band 6.5–7)
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Sample Response

1

Countless people today arguehave recommended that governments should prioritise supporting their own people over providing aid overseasdonating overseas. I strongly agree with this statement as international interventionsglobal involvements generally do more harm than good, and governments have greater control over domestic supportget better control regarding national help.

2

First, foreign help could be a bit difficult for every nation to acquire. Among countries that receive external aidAmidst the ones that are facilitated by external relief, a majority of nations either end up misusing the contributions or become overly reliant on them. A good instance of this would be the assistance sent to numerous African countries during times of civil unrestpublic chaos. Certain dishonest governments would often control the aid, whether food supplies or financial support, to preserve their autocratic position. Even in the occasional cases where help reaches its intended recipientsplanned targets without intrusion from governments or non-governmental organisations, there is a strong probability of establishing a dependency. People usually profit more long-term from developing self-reliancedeveloping features related to self-reliance rather than becoming dependent on continued aidbecoming submissive in a dependent relationship.

3

Furthermore, governments can support their own populations more effectivelyimpact their own population better. There is an array of techniques that these authorities can choose, for example, subsidizing a comprehensive social safety netsocial government assistance net, letting individuals keep a greater amount of their tax money, and more. A good illustration of this would be in China where the public authority has considerablecolossal influence over both public and private institutionselements. This guarantees that their help isn’t abused and that it upholds genuinely vulnerable segments of the populationreally weak fragments of the populace. Their oversight and knowledge of their own countryinformation on their own nation means a more efficient allocation of resourcesproductive allotment of assets, and this applies broadly to governments around the worldfor the most part to governments all around the world.

4

Although providing international assistance occasionallycontributing to the global economy periodically is acceptable, it’s better if it does not become a habit.

5

All in all, governments can mediate most successfully in their own countries. Consequently, foreign assistance ought to be restricted to situations of extreme emergencyunfamiliar assistance ought to be restricted to situations of outrageous emergency.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response gives a clear, consistent position and supports it with two logically developed arguments about the risks of foreign aid and governments' stronger domestic oversight. Its main weakness is lexical precision: numerous elaborate substitutions sound unnatural or alter the intended meaning, despite generally strong sentence control. The highest-priority improvement is to retain the clear argument while replacing forced vocabulary with natural, exact academic phrasing.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

7.0
Scoring rule

A clear position is maintained throughout and the two main reasons are relevant, extended, and supported with examples.

Next step

Qualify broad claims about aid recipients and strengthen the examples with more precise explanation of how they prove the central position.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0
Scoring rule

The essay is logically sequenced, paragraphs have clear purposes, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader effectively.

Next step

Integrate the brief concession into a developed paragraph so that it contributes more naturally to the progression of the argument.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.0
Scoring rule

A broad vocabulary is attempted, but frequent unnatural collocations and unsuitable synonyms reduce precision and stylistic control.

Next step

Choose natural terms such as foreign intervention, social safety net, vulnerable groups, and emergency aid rather than elaborate substitutes.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0
Scoring rule

A wide range of complex structures is used with generally good control, and the remaining errors rarely impede communication.

Next step

Polish agreement, article use, and comparative phrasing in longer sentences to make otherwise strong grammar consistently accurate.