It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Countless people today have recommended that governments should prioritise supporting their own people over donating overseas. I strongly agree with this statement as global involvements generally do more harm than good, and governments get better control regarding national help.
First, foreign help could be a bit difficult for every nation to acquire. Amidst the ones that are facilitated by external relief, a majority of nations either end up misusing the contributions or become overly reliant on them. A good instance of this would be the assistance sent to numerous African countries during times of public chaos. Certain dishonest governments would often control the aid, whether food supplies or financial support, to preserve their autocratic position. Even in the occasional cases where help reaches its planned targets without intrusion from governments or non-governmental organisations, there is a strong probability of establishing a dependency. People usually profit more long-term from developing features related to self-reliance rather than becoming submissive in a dependent relationship.
Furthermore, governments can impact their own population better. There is an array of techniques that these authorities can choose, for example, subsidizing a comprehensive social government assistance net, letting individuals keep a greater amount of their tax money, and more. A good illustration of this would be in China where the public authority has colossal influence over both public and private elements. This guarantees that their help isn’t abused and that it upholds really weak fragments of the populace. Their oversight and information on their own nation means a more productive allotment of assets, and this applies for the most part to governments all around the world.
Although contributing to the global economy periodically is acceptable, it’s better if it does not become a habit.
All in all, governments can mediate most successfully in their own countries. Consequently, unfamiliar assistance ought to be restricted to situations of outrageous emergency.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use reporting verb Original: have recommended Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue naturally introduces a widely held position, whereas recommend usually proposes an action directly.
- 2. Name aid precisely Original: donating overseas Suggested revision: providing aid overseas Why it matters: Providing aid states the type of overseas support more precisely.
- 3. Use natural term Original: global involvements Suggested revision: international interventions Why it matters: Global involvements is an unnatural collocation for government action abroad.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: get better control regarding national help Suggested revision: have greater control over domestic support Why it matters: Have control over is the correct grammatical pattern, and domestic support is more precise.
- 5. Clarify recipient group Original: Amidst the ones that are facilitated by external relief Suggested revision: Among countries that receive external aid Why it matters: The original noun reference and passive construction are unclear and unnatural.
- 6. Use precise term Original: public chaos Suggested revision: civil unrest Why it matters: Civil unrest is a more precise expression for widespread public disorder.
- 7. Name recipients clearly Original: planned targets Suggested revision: intended recipients Why it matters: Aid reaches recipients rather than targets in this context.
- 8. Remove vague wording Original: developing features related to self-reliance Suggested revision: developing self-reliance Why it matters: The abstract phrase features related to adds vagueness without changing the meaning.
- 9. Express dependency directly Original: becoming submissive in a dependent relationship Suggested revision: becoming dependent on continued aid Why it matters: The revision states the intended dependency clearly without the inaccurate word submissive.
- 10. Use precise verb Original: impact their own population better Suggested revision: support their own populations more effectively Why it matters: Support expresses the intended beneficial action more accurately than impact.
- 11. Use standard term Original: social government assistance net Suggested revision: social safety net Why it matters: Social safety net is the established term for a system of public assistance.
- 12. Choose measured wording Original: colossal Suggested revision: considerable Why it matters: Considerable is more appropriately measured for this academic claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- have recommended argue
- donating overseas providing aid overseas
- global involvements international interventions
- get better control regarding national help have greater control over domestic support
- Amidst the ones that are facilitated by external relief Among countries that receive external aid
- public chaos civil unrest
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear, consistent position and supports it with two logically developed arguments about the risks of foreign aid and governments' stronger domestic oversight. Its main weakness is lexical precision: numerous elaborate substitutions sound unnatural or alter the intended meaning, despite generally strong sentence control. The highest-priority improvement is to retain the clear argument while replacing forced vocabulary with natural, exact academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained throughout and the two main reasons are relevant, extended, and supported with examples.
Qualify broad claims about aid recipients and strengthen the examples with more precise explanation of how they prove the central position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, paragraphs have clear purposes, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader effectively.
Integrate the brief concession into a developed paragraph so that it contributes more naturally to the progression of the argument.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary is attempted, but frequent unnatural collocations and unsuitable synonyms reduce precision and stylistic control.
Choose natural terms such as foreign intervention, social safety net, vulnerable groups, and emergency aid rather than elaborate substitutes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with generally good control, and the remaining errors rarely impede communication.
Polish agreement, article use, and comparative phrasing in longer sentences to make otherwise strong grammar consistently accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.