In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? Write no less than 250 words.
Sample Response
These days many educated and highly skilled people are struggling to get a decent job. Migrated people in developed countries are facing this same problem in many cases. In my opinion, there are three main reasons for this including economy instability, scarce of job positions and discrepancy in salary. To begin with, economy recessions are the leading reasons why plenty of highly skilled professionals prefer to leave their country and live in a developed country. Clearly, as economy condition deteriorates, many of governmental or private corporations are more likely to lay off their employees or quit their hiring. For example, in the Middle East, the last economy challenge occurred in 2008, caused a multitude of doctors or engineers emigrated from their country and resided in Europe or North America. Had their country had a better financial situation, the number of immigrants would not have grown so fast. As a consequence, the scarcity of jobs for such professionals is common in many parts of the world.
Another reason is insufficient career opportunities applicants have faced. Obviously, as the population of poor nations rose, the number of job-seekers boomed phenomenally, and companies and factories had fewer job positions for the ones were looking for a job. In particular, only in India, during the last two decades, thousands of medical graduates have not found enough fortunes for practising in their home country.
Lastly, there is a far considerable gap between the salary of weak and powerful countries. Non-surprisingly, highly qualified workers are paid far more significant in rich countries than the amount they receive in their home country. For instance, the minimum wage in Canada is just above ten dollars per hour, nearly ten times higher than a simple worker obtains in Iran. Therefore, it can be a perfect motivation the latter becomes more interested to live and stay the lifetime in Canada. However, these migrated professionals are suffering to secure related jobs in many cased both in their home and migrated countries.
To sum up, job scarcity in many countries are increasing rapidly. In my opinion, economy, job and payment issues are the three factors which induce people with better educational background and skills to remain unemployed.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct noun Original: Migrated people Suggested revision: Migrants Why it matters: “Migrants” is the correct noun for people who have moved to another country.
- 2. Use the adjective form Original: economy Suggested revision: economic Why it matters: The noun “economy” must be changed to the adjective “economic” before “instability.”
- 3. Correct the noun phrase Original: scarce of job positions Suggested revision: a scarcity of jobs Why it matters: “Scarcity” is the noun required after the article, and “jobs” is more natural than “job positions.”
- 4. Use a natural plural Original: discrepancy in salary Suggested revision: salary disparities Why it matters: “Salary disparities” clearly expresses differences in pay across countries.
- 5. Use the adjective form Original: economy Suggested revision: economic Why it matters: The adjective “economic” is required before “recessions.”
- 6. Fix form and agreement Original: as economy condition deteriorates Suggested revision: as economic conditions deteriorate Why it matters: The adjective form and plural agreement are required for this general statement.
- 7. Remove the faulty determiner Original: many of governmental or private corporations Suggested revision: many governmental and private corporations Why it matters: “Many” directly modifies the plural noun, and “and” includes both types of corporation.
- 8. Use the standard phrase Original: quit their hiring Suggested revision: stop hiring Why it matters: “Stop hiring” is the conventional expression for ending recruitment.
- 9. Clarify the plural reference Original: Had their country had Suggested revision: Had their home countries had Why it matters: The plural noun clearly connects the professionals to their different countries of origin.
- 10. Repair the noun phrase Original: insufficient career opportunities applicants have faced Suggested revision: insufficient career opportunities available to applicants Why it matters: The revised modifier forms a grammatical noun phrase and preserves the intended meaning.
- 11. Use consistent present tense Original: rose Suggested revision: rises Why it matters: The surrounding argument describes a general current relationship, so the present tense is needed.
- 12. Use natural academic wording Original: boomed phenomenally Suggested revision: increased dramatically Why it matters: “Increased dramatically” is a natural formal collocation for rapid growth.
Suggested Rewrites
- Migrated people Migrants
- economy economic
- scarce of job positions a scarcity of jobs
- discrepancy in salary salary disparities
- economy economic
- as economy condition deteriorates as economic conditions deteriorate
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay identifies several plausible labour-market pressures and attempts to illustrate them with international examples, so its discussion of causes has some substance. Its decisive limitation is that it never answers what should be done, leaving half of the task unaddressed; several causal links are also unclear. Prioritise replacing one cause paragraph with specific solutions from governments, universities, and employers, each linked directly to graduate unemployment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Several causes are proposed and illustrated, but the required discussion of what should be done is completely omitted and some causes focus more on migration than unemployment.
Add developed solutions such as aligning university places with labour demand, expanding graduate placements, and encouraging employers to create entry-level roles.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is divided into factor-based paragraphs and has broad progression, but causal chains are sometimes confusing and the conclusion merely repeats the introduction.
Give each paragraph one clear cause–effect chain and reserve a full paragraph for solutions before summarising both task parts in the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant labour-market vocabulary is attempted, but frequent word-form and collocation errors make many statements awkward and occasionally difficult to follow.
Use accurate phrases such as ‘economic instability’, ‘scarcity of jobs’, ‘migrant professionals’, ‘employment opportunities’, and ‘salary disparity’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in clauses, agreement, articles, verb forms, and comparisons sometimes strain comprehension.
Build shorter complete sentences and correct structures such as ‘the recession caused doctors to emigrate’, ‘applicants face’, and ‘higher than a worker earns’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? Write no less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.