"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Every day, people are dying from various health-related complexities and diseases due to the lack of proper health education and preventive actions. In many cases, those are preventable diseases. This is why the government should allocate a sum of money from the health budget for health education and preventive measures. I believe that it would offer a substantial number of benefits, and this essay will prove it by analysing the economic point of view of a country and the health aspects of people.
To commence with, many nations spend an enormous amount of money to treat their citizens who are already sick. This staggering cost would reduce if the state commences effective healthcare education by spending money on the health teaching system. As an example, if the administration explains to their citizens that smoking and drinking are so bad for humans through this educational programme, many people will end up quitting the bad habits. As can be clearly seen from this illustration, the idea may bring colossal economic benefit to the government.
Secondly, many governments treat patients with several serious diseases like diabetes and heart diseases, and it takes up a large portion of the healthcare budget. However, before these health problems assault citizens, some preventive measures can prevent them. For example, exercise, sports, and proper diet plans can decrease the chances of such diseases to a great extent. Building parks and playgrounds can influence people to do exercise more often which can protect people from developing these diseases. This can be achieved by investing in preventive measures.
In conclusion, the government should spend money on health education and preventive measures from the health budget because it helps prevent such diseases to become widespread while also reducing the cost of treating sick people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate noun Original: health-related complexities Suggested revision: health problems Why it matters: Complexities does not naturally refer to illnesses or medical conditions here.
- 2. Improve collocation Original: actions Suggested revision: measures Why it matters: Preventive measures is the standard collocation in a public-health context.
- 3. Clarify reference Original: those are preventable diseases Suggested revision: many of these diseases are preventable Why it matters: Those has an unclear reference, whereas these diseases links directly to the preceding sentence.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: allocate a sum of money Suggested revision: allocate funds Why it matters: Allocate funds is more concise and idiomatic in a budget discussion.
- 5. Remove wordiness Original: a substantial number of benefits Suggested revision: substantial benefits Why it matters: Benefits can be modified directly without the wordy number of construction.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: the economic point of view of a country Suggested revision: a country's economic perspective Why it matters: The original noun phrase is awkward and obscures the intended economic focus.
- 7. Choose precise term Original: the health aspects of people Suggested revision: public-health outcomes Why it matters: Public-health outcomes expresses the intended idea more precisely.
- 8. Use natural transition Original: commence Suggested revision: begin Why it matters: To begin with is the conventional transition for introducing a first point.
- 9. Correct verb pattern Original: reduce Suggested revision: fall Why it matters: An intransitive verb such as fall is needed when the cost itself is the subject.
- 10. Correct collocation Original: commences effective healthcare education Suggested revision: introduces effective health education Why it matters: Introduce education is natural here, whereas commence does not take this object idiomatically.
- 11. Use standard term Original: health teaching system Suggested revision: health-education system Why it matters: Health-education system is the established term for the intended programme.
- 12. Use academic wording Original: smoking and drinking are so bad for humans Suggested revision: smoking and drinking are harmful to health Why it matters: The revision is more precise and appropriately formal.
Suggested Rewrites
- health-related complexities health problems
- actions measures
- those are preventable diseases many of these diseases are preventable
- allocate a sum of money allocate funds
- a substantial number of benefits substantial benefits
- the economic point of view of a country a country's economic perspective
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear supportive position and organizes two relevant benefits into an easy-to-follow argument. Its main limitation is that it does not fully examine the proposal to divert a large proportion of funding or the consequences for treatment, and several awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to engage directly with the scale and trade-off in the question while refining sentence-level control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear agreement and develops relevant economic and health benefits with suitable examples, but it only partly addresses the proposed funding trade-off.
Explain why diverting a large proportion of the budget is justified despite the continuing need to treat people who are already ill.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices make the relationship between the two main reasons easy to follow.
Use less mechanical signposting and make the transition from prevention to budget allocation carry more of the logical connection.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows a good range of topic vocabulary, but recurring unnatural combinations such as descriptions of health education and disease reduce precision.
Prefer natural collocations such as public health education, reduce treatment costs, and develop a disease rather than choosing inflated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures and remains clear, although errors in agreement, verb patterns, and clause control recur across paragraphs.
Proofread especially for government-pronoun agreement and verb patterns such as reduce costs, encourage people to exercise, and prevent diseases from spreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.