Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Write an essay either for or against this position.
Sample Response
A group of people believe that the existence of organizations or groups is an essential part of their lives. There various reasons why organizations are important for several people and the following essay will discuss in details regarding the statement.
To begin with, it is true that people have different professions. Some people decide to be an entrepreneur, while others prefer to work in an institution or an organization. As for those who choose to be a professional worker, the existence of corporations or companies is an essential part of their lives. They are relying on their employer for the income, benefit and facilities, and they also believe that their workplace is the place where they could develop their skill and talent. Besides that, the workplace can also be used as the place for interaction, communication and socialization as well.
From the humanity's point of view, many people believe that the existence of a non-profit organization is important. There are various kinds of non-profit foundations and institutions such as World Health Organization, World Wide Fund, Salvation Army or UNICEF. These organizations are helping mankind who live in poverty, threats of war or those who are facing natural disasters such as tsunami or earthquake. And the existence of these organizations has saved tens of millions of people all over the world, as they supply food, clothing and medical supplies. It is obvious that their existences are vital for the struggle and survival of some people.
In conclusion, it is believed that organizations or groups play an important part for some people's live. Some people who become professional workers think that the existence of their company is crucial for them, as they are financially dependent on their company. While from the social perspective, it can be seen that many people who live in poor condition or suffer from wars still depend on non-profit organizations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural quantifier Original: A group of people believe Suggested revision: Some people believe Why it matters: This is the natural way to introduce an unspecified section of the population.
- 2. Add missing verb Original: There various reasons Suggested revision: There are various reasons Why it matters: The existential construction requires the verb “are.”
- 3. Correct preposition and quantifier Original: important for several people Suggested revision: important to many people Why it matters: Something is important “to” people, and “many” is natural for this general claim.
- 4. Fix verb complement Original: discuss in details regarding the statement Suggested revision: discuss this statement in detail Why it matters: “Discuss” takes a direct object, and the fixed expression is “in detail.”
- 5. Match plural subject Original: decide to be an entrepreneur Suggested revision: decide to become entrepreneurs Why it matters: The plural subject requires a plural complement, and “become” expresses the career choice naturally.
- 6. Match plural reference Original: choose to be a professional worker Suggested revision: choose to work as employees Why it matters: The plural “those” requires a plural role, and the revised phrase is more natural.
- 7. Use simple present Original: They are relying Suggested revision: They rely Why it matters: A general habitual dependence calls for the simple present rather than the present continuous.
- 8. Correct number and articles Original: their employer for the income, benefit and facilities Suggested revision: their employers for income, benefits, and workplace facilities Why it matters: The plural group needs plural employers and benefits, while generic income takes no article.
- 9. Use present possibility Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The essay describes a current general opportunity, so “can” is appropriate.
- 10. Use plural abilities Original: their skill and talent Suggested revision: their skills and talents Why it matters: The plural forms fit the multiple abilities of multiple workers.
- 11. Use formal connector Original: Besides that Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: This connector is more natural in formal academic prose.
- 12. Use natural function phrase Original: can also be used as the place Suggested revision: also serves as a place Why it matters: A workplace “serves as” a place for interaction rather than being used as “the place.”
Suggested Rewrites
- A group of people believe Some people believe
- There various reasons There are various reasons
- important for several people important to many people
- discuss in details regarding the statement discuss this statement in detail
- decide to be an entrepreneur decide to become entrepreneurs
- choose to be a professional worker choose to work as employees
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its relevant division between workplaces, which provide income and development, and non-profit organisations, which support vulnerable communities. Its main limitation is language control: frequent grammatical and collocational errors make several explanations awkward, while the writer’s own position is expressed impersonally. Prioritise stating a direct position and revising each body paragraph around one clearly phrased reason supported by a precise example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response supports the stated position with two relevant, extended reasons about employment and humanitarian assistance, though the personal stance remains indirect.
State explicitly in the introduction that organisations are essential and explain how each example proves their importance to individuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is logical and the two main ideas are distinct, but repetitive references to ‘the existence of organisations’ and some faulty links make cohesion mechanical.
Use concise topic sentences and pronoun referencing to avoid repeating the same long noun phrase throughout.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for employment and humanitarian topics, but frequent imprecise forms such as ‘professional worker’, ‘humanity’s point of view’, and ‘their existences’ reduce flexibility.
Use precise terms such as ‘employees’, ‘from a humanitarian perspective’, and ‘these organisations are vital’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear and some complex structures are attempted, but errors in missing verbs, articles, plurals, agreement, and sentence completion recur.
Correct basic clause structures such as ‘There are various reasons’ and avoid fragments beginning with ‘While’ or ‘And’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Write an essay either for or against this position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.