Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Write an essay either for or against this position.
Sample Response
Some people believeA group of people believe that the existence of organizations or groups is an essential part of their lives. There are various reasonsThere various reasons why organizations are important to many peopleimportant for several people and the following essay will discuss this statement in detaildiscuss in details regarding the statement.
To begin with, it is true that people have different professions. Some people decide to become entrepreneursdecide to be an entrepreneur, while others prefer to work in an institution or an organization. As for those who choose to work as employeeschoose to be a professional worker, the existence of corporations or companies is an essential part of their lives. They relyThey are relying on their employers for income, benefits, and workplace facilitiestheir employer for the income, benefit and facilities, and they also believe that their workplace is the place where they cancould develop their skills and talentstheir skill and talent. In additionBesides that, the workplace also serves as a placecan also be used as the place for interaction, communication, and socialisationinteraction, communication and socialization as well.
From a humanitarian perspectiveFrom the humanity's point of view, many people believe that the existence of a non-profit organization is important. There are various kinds of non-profit foundations and institutions such as the World Health Organization, the World Wide Fund, the Salvation Army, and UNICEFsuch as World Health Organization, World Wide Fund, Salvation Army or UNICEF. These organizations helpare helping people livingmankind who live in poverty, under threat of war, or facingin poverty, threats of war or those who are facing natural disasters such as tsunamis or earthquakestsunami or earthquake. These organizations haveAnd the existence of these organizations has saved tens of millions of people all over the world, as they supply food, clothing and medical supplies. It is obvious that their existences are vital for the struggle and survival of some people.
In conclusion, it is believed that organizations or groups play an important part infor some people's liveslive. Some people who become professional workers think that the existence of their company is crucial for them, as they are financially dependent on their company. While from the social perspective, it can be seen that many people who live in poor condition or suffer from wars still depend on non-profit organizations.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its relevant division between workplaces, which provide income and development, and non-profit organisations, which support vulnerable communities. Its main limitation is language control: frequent grammatical and collocational errors make several explanations awkward, while the writer’s own position is expressed impersonally. Prioritise stating a direct position and revising each body paragraph around one clearly phrased reason supported by a precise example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response supports the stated position with two relevant, extended reasons about employment and humanitarian assistance, though the personal stance remains indirect.
State explicitly in the introduction that organisations are essential and explain how each example proves their importance to individuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is logical and the two main ideas are distinct, but repetitive references to ‘the existence of organisations’ and some faulty links make cohesion mechanical.
Use concise topic sentences and pronoun referencing to avoid repeating the same long noun phrase throughout.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for employment and humanitarian topics, but frequent imprecise forms such as ‘professional worker’, ‘humanity’s point of view’, and ‘their existences’ reduce flexibility.
Use precise terms such as ‘employees’, ‘from a humanitarian perspective’, and ‘these organisations are vital’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear and some complex structures are attempted, but errors in missing verbs, articles, plurals, agreement, and sentence completion recur.
Correct basic clause structures such as ‘There are various reasons’ and avoid fragments beginning with ‘While’ or ‘And’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Write an essay either for or against this position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.