Groups or organizations are an important part of some people’s lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people?
Sample Response
Man, through the ages, has undergone many changes from the time when he lived in the caves to nowadays when he lives in a comfortable apartment. But one thing that remains the same is that people always lived in groups and organisations such as families, the smallest group, and tribes, the bigger group. I think that the reason why people live in groups is because we need communication and what is more important we need support to survive. So, from old times to nowadays people merged in groups because it made them stronger and helped to overcome many obstacles and difficulties. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons and examples to support my answer. First of all, people need to communicate with each other. We need to share out ideas and thoughts with each other. I think it is very important to know that someone thinks the same way one does and supports one. In addition, communication is one of the features of reasonable animals. All animals that can communicate with each other live in herds and support each other when one of them is in need. The second reason, why I think groups and organisation are important to people is because they make us stronger. For example, football team plays better than one player. Another example is the ancient hunters. At old times people gathered in order to get food and survive in severe conditions. It was impossible for one man to kill a big animal, but when people gathered in groups their chances increased. Scientists say that people survived because they lived together and supported each other. For the reasons, which I mentioned above, I believe groups and organisations play an essential role in our life. Moreover, people's evolution would not be possible without them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Form the comparison clearly Original: families, the smallest group, and tribes, the bigger group Suggested revision: families, which are smaller groups, and tribes, which are larger groups Why it matters: 'Smallest' and 'bigger' do not form a clear or parallel comparison.
- 2. Remove the double reason Original: reason why people live in groups is because Suggested revision: reason people live in groups is that Why it matters: 'The reason why' and 'because' duplicate the same causal structure.
- 3. Mark the sentence adverb Original: what is more important we need Suggested revision: more importantly, we need Why it matters: The sentence adverb requires a comma and a more natural form.
- 4. Use a natural time span Original: from old times to nowadays Suggested revision: throughout history Why it matters: The original time expression is unnatural and unnecessarily wordy.
- 5. Use the correct group verb Original: people merged in groups Suggested revision: people formed groups Why it matters: People form or join groups; they do not 'merge in' them.
- 6. Add the object Original: to Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The verb needs an object identifying who overcame the difficulties.
- 7. Correct the pronoun Original: out Suggested revision: our Why it matters: 'Out' is a typographical error for the possessive pronoun 'our'.
- 8. Use accurate animal terminology Original: features of reasonable animals Suggested revision: characteristics of social animals Why it matters: 'Reasonable animals' is not a natural or clear category in this context.
- 9. Remove the interrupting comma Original: The second reason, why Suggested revision: The second reason why Why it matters: A defining 'why' clause should not be separated from its noun by a comma.
- 10. Use matching plurals Original: organisation Suggested revision: organisations Why it matters: Both coordinated nouns should be plural.
- 11. Add the article Original: football team plays Suggested revision: a football team plays Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'team' requires an article.
- 12. Compare performance precisely Original: better than one player Suggested revision: more effectively than an individual player Why it matters: This states the comparison in clearer and more formal terms.
Suggested Rewrites
- families, the smallest group, and tribes, the bigger group families, which are smaller groups, and tribes, which are larger groups
- reason why people live in groups is because reason people live in groups is that
- what is more important we need more importantly, we need
- from old times to nowadays throughout history
- people merged in groups people formed groups
- to them
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s clearest strength is its direct explanation of two relevant reasons, supported by understandable examples from teamwork and survival. Its main limitation is that several points are repetitive or asserted broadly rather than developed with precise reasoning, while frequent awkward phrasing reduces polish. The highest-priority improvement is to build each reason through a focused explanation and a specific, credible example while editing collocations and sentence structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers why groups matter and develops communication and mutual support with relevant examples.
Develop each reason more precisely and replace broad assertions about animals or evolution with clearly explained evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a clear introduction, two-reason progression, and conclusion, although repetition and mechanical signposting reduce cohesion.
Use tighter topic sentences and remove repeated statements so each paragraph advances the argument more efficiently.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss social interaction and survival, but several word combinations are awkward or imprecise.
Improve collocational accuracy by replacing phrases such as “merged in groups” and “at old times” with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, despite recurring agreement, article, punctuation, and clause-construction errors.
Edit systematically for subject-verb agreement, articles, and cleaner complex-sentence boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Groups or organizations are an important part of some people’s lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.