Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Many governments around the world are increasingly concerned aboutAn increasing concern for many governments around the world is the declining health of their citizens due to a poor diet. While some people believe governments should be responsible for improving the health of their citizensnation, others believe it is up to individualsup to the individual. This essay will examine both sides of the argument.
There is no doubt that individuals must take some responsibility for their diet and health. This argument is supported by the fact thatThe argument to support this is the fact that adults have free will and make their own choices about what they eat and how much exercise they dothe exercise that they do. Children are also becoming less healthy. However, their parents are the ones who provide their children’s evening mealsprovide their evening meals so it is their responsibility to ensure these meals are nutritious and encourage them to avoid junk food and sugary snacks during the day.
Despite these arguments, there is also a case for advocating state interventionthe intervention of the state. People these days often have little choice but to relydepend on fast food or ready meals that are high in sugar, salt and fat due to the pressures of work. Governments could regulate the ingredients of such food. Some governments also spend huge amounts of tax money on treating their citizens’ health problemstreating health problems of their citizens in hospitals. It would be logical to spend some of this money on preventative measuresspend this on preventative measures such as campaigns to encourage exercise and a good diet.
Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that although individuals must take ultimate responsibility for what they eat, governments also have a role to play as only they can regulate a food supply that encourages poor dietary choicesthe food supply, which openly encourages a poor diet. It is only through this combination that we can improve people’s health.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, well-balanced discussion and reaches a nuanced position that assigns complementary responsibilities to individuals and governments. Ideas are relevant and logically developed, although some supporting points remain general and a few expressions are slightly awkward or imprecise. The strongest improvement would be to deepen one key argument on each side with a more specific consequence or example while refining occasional wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed with relevant explanations, and the conclusion states a clear, well-supported position.
Strengthen the analysis further by illustrating one individual and one government responsibility with more specific real-world consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively throughout.
Make the transition from parental responsibility back to the broader individual argument slightly more explicit for maximum continuity.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, with effective topic-specific expressions and only occasional awkward wording.
Refine phrases such as improving the health of their nation and the food supply which encourages a poor diet for greater naturalness and precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few minor lapses do not impede communication.
Polish punctuation around interrupters and check pronoun references such as spend this so that every complex sentence is fully precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.