Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of giving international aids to poor countries.
Sample Response
There are many poor countries in this world and they are mostly located in the African and Asian regions, such as Liberia, Zimbabwe, Bangladesh, Myanmar and Sudan. It is a fact most of these countries are depending on the supports of the developed countries. These international aids have their own benefits and drawbacks, and the following essay will discuss them in details.
To begin with, giving supports to third world countries bring some advantages for both the giver and the recipient countries. It gives benefits for countries that could give international aids, as they have the opportunity show their kindness to other countries. Showing these positive attitudes could change the world into a better place and improve the world peace. As for the recipient countries, the help would positively affect the social economic conditions of their people. For instance, these financial supports could be used to purchase some foods for the starving residents.
On the other hand, despite the positive things of international supports, there are some negative things that arose as well. Firstly, these supports have made the recipient countries people become lazy and spoil. As they realise that they will be supported from developed and developing countries, they do not want to have changes and improvements in their lives. Secondly, many of the support funds are not strictly and properly monitored. As a result, most of the funds are being corrupted by local authorities.
In conclusion, providing international aids to third world countries has its own advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, as a social creature, people should help each other, though we might come from different races, ethnics or languages. Therefore, it is essential for advanced countries to help poor nations, but the support should be strictly monitored to ensure that the funds are allocated properly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing conjunction Original: It is a fact most Suggested revision: It is a fact that most Why it matters: A that-clause is required.
- 2. Stative verb Original: are depending on Suggested revision: depend on Why it matters: Use present simple for a general state.
- 3. Uncountable noun Original: the supports Suggested revision: the support Why it matters: Support is uncountable here.
- 4. Uncountable noun Original: international aids Suggested revision: international aid Why it matters: Aid is uncountable.
- 5. Fixed phrase Original: in details Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: The expression is singular.
- 6. Uncountable form Original: giving supports Suggested revision: giving support Why it matters: Support is uncountable.
- 7. Agreement Original: bring some advantages Suggested revision: brings advantages Why it matters: The gerund phrase is singular.
- 8. Topic term Original: the giver Suggested revision: donor Why it matters: Donor is the standard term.
- 9. Missing infinitive Original: opportunity show Suggested revision: opportunity to show Why it matters: Opportunity takes a to-infinitive.
- 10. Article use Original: improve the world peace Suggested revision: promote world peace Why it matters: World peace normally has no article.
- 11. Compound adjective Original: social economic conditions Suggested revision: socioeconomic conditions Why it matters: Use the established compound adjective.
- 12. Uncountable meaning Original: some foods Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Food is uncountable in this general sense.
Suggested Rewrites
- It is a fact most It is a fact that most
- are depending on depend on
- the supports the support
- international aids international aid
- in details in detail
- giving supports giving support
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay covers benefits and drawbacks of international aid and ends with a clear, relevant view that aid should continue under strict monitoring. The structure is easy to follow, but several claims are simplistic or insufficiently supported, particularly the suggestion that recipients become lazy. Develop causes and safeguards more carefully, avoid stereotyping, and correct frequent word-form, agreement, and countability errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both sides are addressed and a clear position is given, but advantages are thinly developed and the dependency claim is overgeneralised.
Use specific mechanisms such as emergency relief and infrastructure, then explain dependency risks without stereotyping individuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph progression is clear, though some ideas are linked by formulaic sequencing and weak referencing.
Use topic sentences that name the precise benefit or risk and connect examples directly to them.
Lexical Resource
Relevant topic vocabulary is present, but support, aid, food, peace, and socioeconomic are often used inaccurately.
Treat aid as uncountable and use precise terms such as donor, recipient, corruption, and accountability.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent agreement, article, infinitive, and word-form errors reduce accuracy, though meaning is generally clear.
Check singular uncountable nouns and ensure every verb agrees with its subject.