Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Others, however, think that it is a waste of valuable school time and has no value. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The power of global media to educate today's youth and shape their views is significant. While some opine that the global media and international news, as part of secondary education, have no value, others believe that international news should be studied by those pupils. This essay attempts to examine the issue by diving deep into both views. However, I believe that international news, as part of the secondary education syllabus, is important.
On the one hand, many critics of the inclusion of global media in secondary education argue that teenagers would be negatively affected by the global media’s focus on negative issues of international events like wars and civil unrest. This is because exposure to violence often leads to depression, and the youths may grow an apathy towards our history and global politics. For example, a few recent surveys explain that despondent teenagers usually cite the dismal state of the world as a source of their depression. Since mental health is an important objective of secondary education, it is, therefore, questionable whether the study of international news would benefit young students.
On the other hand, global media enriches young people's understanding of contemporary affairs and broaden their knowledge and horizons. This is because international affairs, as part of education, both make them conscious and knowledgeable and connect global youths on the same platforms. For example, a study run by Oxford sociologists showed that the media heavily influences teenagers’ knowledge of contemporary affairs which has a highly positive impact on making them aware of the world. This awareness makes them global citizens and encourages them to share ideas.
In conclusion, clearly, there are arguments for and against the study of global news in secondary schools. However, educators and authorities can make it more useful by adopting proper policy and teaching methods, and reap the benefits of teaching young students international news as part of their secondary education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is more natural and direct in this academic context.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: those pupils Suggested revision: secondary-school pupils Why it matters: Those pupils has no clear nearby referent, while the revision identifies the group precisely.
- 3. Avoid informal idiom Original: diving deep into Suggested revision: examining Why it matters: Examining is more concise and formal than the idiomatic phrase.
- 4. Use natural curriculum term Original: the secondary education syllabus Suggested revision: the secondary-school curriculum Why it matters: Secondary-school curriculum is the conventional term for the subjects taught at this level.
- 5. Use natural group noun Original: the youths Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: Young people is more natural than the youths when referring generally to adolescents.
- 6. Use correct collocation Original: grow an apathy Suggested revision: develop apathy Why it matters: Develop apathy is the standard verb-noun combination.
- 7. Keep reference consistent Original: towards our history Suggested revision: towards history Why it matters: The first-person possessive is inconsistent with the general discussion of young people.
- 8. Use evidence verb Original: explain Suggested revision: indicate Why it matters: Surveys indicate findings; they do not themselves explain them.
- 9. Remove unnecessary commas Original: it is, therefore, questionable Suggested revision: it is therefore questionable Why it matters: Therefore functions within the clause here and should not be enclosed by commas.
- 10. Use measured adjective Original: dismal Suggested revision: troubling Why it matters: Troubling expresses concern in a less emotive register.
- 11. Clarify objective Original: an important objective of secondary education Suggested revision: an important concern in secondary education Why it matters: Mental health is more naturally described as a concern than as an educational objective.
- 12. Use research collocation Original: run Suggested revision: conducted Why it matters: Conducted is the conventional verb for carrying out a study.
Suggested Rewrites
- opine argue
- those pupils secondary-school pupils
- diving deep into examining
- the secondary education syllabus the secondary-school curriculum
- the youths young people
- grow an apathy develop apathy
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay discusses both views in a clear structure and maintains the position that international news can build awareness and global citizenship when taught appropriately. Its main limitation is that several claims, especially the link between news exposure and depression, are broad or weakly evidenced, while some language is unnatural. The priority is to propose specific teaching safeguards and support each side with more credible, precisely explained evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views and a clear supportive opinion are addressed with relevant reasons, though some evidence is general and the proposed teaching solution is not developed concretely.
Explain how age-appropriate source selection, media-literacy teaching, and limited timetable allocation could preserve benefits while reducing distress and wasted time.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and contrast between the two views are easy to follow, although some explanation-example links are formulaic and repetitive.
Use each example to demonstrate a precise causal claim rather than repeatedly introducing support with 'This is because' and 'For example.'
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range for education and current affairs, but phrases such as 'grow an apathy,' 'surveys explain,' and 'global youths' are unnatural or imprecise.
Use accurate expressions such as 'develop apathy,' 'surveys indicate,' 'young people worldwide,' and 'international-news literacy.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex forms is used with generally clear meaning, but agreement, articles, coordination, and modification errors recur.
Maintain agreement in phrases such as 'global media enriches and broadens' and ensure relative clauses clearly modify the intended noun.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Others, however, think that it is a waste of valuable school time and has no value. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.