Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time.
Sample Response
The importance of global media seems to increase every year, so much so to the point of introducing news channels into the classrooms. I believe this to be dangerous and potentially damaging due to the nature of the media.
Firstly, considering the importance of education in modern society, it is extremely worrisome and dangerous to consider substituting school subjects with international news. This is because there is no correct, balanced, unbiased news source. For example if a child spent their school days watching FOX NEWS, they would potentially have a skewed opinion of the world due to its unabashed right wing credentials. Therefore, changing a child’s information diet from traditional subjects such as music or geography to watching a potentially partisan news channel is an extremely risky idea.
Secondly, if international news were to become a new subject it could have a detrimental emotional impact on young minds. In general the majority of news is negative, hence the expression ‘if it bleeds it leads’. For example, studies by the EFE News Agency show that 85% of headlines are negative in nature, usually referring to natural disasters, war, famine, etc. The logic of having these types of stories beamed into a school, to those of an impressionable age has to be challenged.
Although a majority of people see it as an exposure to international standards for students, it is going to be nothing but a deterrent in a positive growth.
To conclude, due to the risk from political influences, and the harsh reality of global news, I am strongly in favour of maintaining the current curriculum.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: so much so to the point of Suggested revision: to the point of Why it matters: The two expressions convey the same degree of consequence, so using both is redundant.
- 2. Use generic plural Original: into the classrooms Suggested revision: into classrooms Why it matters: The generic plural noun does not need the definite article here.
- 3. Improve verb choice Original: substituting Suggested revision: replacing Why it matters: Replace is the more natural verb for describing one curriculum component taking the place of another.
- 4. Use precise adjective Original: correct Suggested revision: objective Why it matters: Objective precisely describes news that is not shaped by personal or political bias.
- 5. Use standard capitalization Original: FOX NEWS Suggested revision: Fox News Why it matters: The proper name should use its standard title capitalization in formal prose.
- 6. Separate the clauses Original: a new subject it Suggested revision: a new subject, it Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory conditional clause.
- 7. Add introductory comma Original: In general the majority Suggested revision: In general, the majority Why it matters: The introductory phrase should be separated from the main clause with a comma.
- 8. Remove unnecessary comma Original: political influences, and Suggested revision: political influences and Why it matters: A comma should not separate two noun phrases joined by and in this construction.
- 9. State trend directly Original: seems to increase Suggested revision: is increasing Why it matters: The direct progressive form expresses the ongoing trend more precisely.
- 10. Specify the medium Original: due to the nature of the media Suggested revision: because of the nature of news media Why it matters: Naming news media makes the reference more precise in the context of the argument.
- 11. Fix clause boundary Original: negative, hence Suggested revision: negative; hence, Why it matters: A semicolon separates the independent ideas, and a comma follows the conjunctive adverb.
- 12. Separate conditional clauses Original: ‘if it bleeds it leads’ Suggested revision: ‘if it bleeds, it leads’ Why it matters: A comma should separate the conditional clause from the main clause in the quoted expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- so much so to the point of to the point of
- into the classrooms into classrooms
- substituting replacing
- correct objective
- FOX NEWS Fox News
- a new subject it a new subject, it
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and supports it with two relevant, logically developed reasons, using a broad range of language and complex structures with strong control. Its main weakness is occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing, especially in the brief concession, which reduces clarity and polish. The highest-priority improvement is to develop that opposing perspective more coherently and express it through more natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear opposition to teaching international news and develops two relevant reasons with explanations and examples.
Develop the brief acknowledgement of the opposing view so that it contributes a clear, well-supported point rather than an isolated assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with effective sequencing and generally natural use of cohesive devices.
Integrate the concession into a developed paragraph or link it directly to the conclusion to avoid disrupting the otherwise clear progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, with effective expressions such as “information diet” and “partisan news channel,” though several collocations are awkward.
Replace unnatural phrases such as “an exposure to international standards” and “a deterrent in a positive growth” with clearer, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used with strong overall control, and the few punctuation or construction problems do not impede meaning.
Refine comma use after introductory phrases and recast awkward structures such as “to those of an impressionable age” for greater grammatical precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.