The cost of international travel is decreasing, and so the trend of international tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trend of tourism for countries?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
It is true that the cost of travelling overseas has become cheaper these days and it has boosted the tourism industry in many countries. The growth in the tourism sector has its own benefits and drawbacks and the following essay will discuss them in detail.
For a number of reasons, the development of the tourism industry brings a lot of benefits for many nations. Firstly, it creates a lot of job opportunities for the local people. As many hotels and restaurants are built along with the tourist attraction places, they absorb many local employments and reduce the unemployment rate. Secondly, the development will also increase the country's income. As the number of tourists from overseas increases, they spend some money in hotels and restaurants and these transactions are subjected to tax.
On the other hand, the growth of this industry also brings some negative effects to the country. As more tourists are coming to the country, more tourist attraction places are then built. Many of these places are made in nature conservation areas, whereas some wild animals would lose their natural habitat and bring negative impact to the ecosystem as well. And then some tourists also bring negative behaviours that affect the local culture. For example, in some Asian countries, people might not drink alcoholic beverages. However, as many westerners come to these countries and bring some liquor, many the local people are introduced to the beverage and started to drink alcohol as well.
In conclusion, it is true the growing trend of the tourism industry has a lot of benefits for many countries. However, it should be noted that it also brings some negative effects to these countries. I personally believe that it is the government task to make some clear regulations for the tourism sectors, therefore all the positive sides of the industry outweighed the drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct cost collocation Original: cost of travelling overseas has become cheaper Suggested revision: cost of travelling overseas has fallen Why it matters: A cost falls rather than becomes cheaper.
- 2. Separate independent clauses Original: drawbacks and the following Suggested revision: drawbacks, and the following Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
- 3. Use natural preposition Original: benefits for many nations Suggested revision: benefits to many nations Why it matters: Benefits are more naturally described as being brought to a country.
- 4. Use concise noun Original: the tourist attraction places Suggested revision: tourist attractions Why it matters: Tourist attractions is the standard term for places that visitors come to see.
- 5. Correct employment phrase Original: absorb many local employments Suggested revision: employ many local people Why it matters: Employment is not a countable noun for individual workers, and businesses employ people rather than absorb employments.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: Secondly, the development Suggested revision: Secondly, this development Why it matters: This makes the reference back to tourism development explicit.
- 7. Correct fixed expression Original: are subjected to tax Suggested revision: are subject to tax Why it matters: Subject to tax is the correct adjectival construction here.
- 8. Correct effect preposition Original: negative effects to the country Suggested revision: negative effects on the country Why it matters: Effect takes the preposition on when naming what is affected.
- 9. Use general present Original: are coming to the country Suggested revision: come to the country Why it matters: The simple present is more suitable for this general trend.
- 10. Use standard term Original: more tourist attraction places are then built Suggested revision: more tourist attractions are built Why it matters: Tourist attractions is the standard noun phrase, and then is unnecessary.
- 11. Choose correct verb Original: Many of these places are made Suggested revision: Many of these places are built Why it matters: Places and attractions are built rather than made in an area.
- 12. Show cause and effect Original: whereas Suggested revision: so Why it matters: The clauses express a consequence rather than a contrast.
Suggested Rewrites
- cost of travelling overseas has become cheaper cost of travelling overseas has fallen
- drawbacks and the following drawbacks, and the following
- benefits for many nations benefits to many nations
- the tourist attraction places tourist attractions
- absorb many local employments employ many local people
- Secondly, the development Secondly, this development
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its direct, balanced treatment of tourism's economic benefits and environmental and cultural drawbacks, with relevant explanations and an illustrative example. Its main limitation is recurring awkward language and grammatical error, especially in collocations, articles and sentence connections, although meaning remains clear. The highest-priority improvement is to express the same well-organised ideas with more natural vocabulary and consistently accurate complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are directly addressed, developed through relevant causal explanation, and supported with a clear example.
Make the evaluation more precise by qualifying broad cultural claims and tying the final recommendation more explicitly to the drawbacks discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into clear stages, with generally effective progression despite some mechanical or inaccurate connectors.
Replace formulaic sequencing and misused links such as whereas with conjunctions that state the intended cause, contrast or result exactly.
Lexical Resource
The response uses sufficient topic vocabulary and some variation, but recurrent unnatural collocations and word-form choices limit precision.
Use established expressions such as tourist attractions, local employment, tax revenue and environmental harm, and check countable nouns carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are mixed effectively enough for clear communication, though article, agreement, tense and clause-linking errors recur.
Proofread each complex sentence for complete clause structure, consistent tense and accurate articles before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The cost of international travel is decreasing, and so the trend of international tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trend of tourism for countries?
Your response
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