In some countries, using the internet in school is getting popular. Is it positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is an irresistible fact that over the past few decades the world has witnessed the rapid strides in technology, especially in the field of education, as it has been seen that utilisation of internet has expanded among the schools in many countries. In my opinion, it has both positive and negative developments and effects. While spotlighting the positive development, I can say that it is highly imperative for today's pupils that they know about the new technology in this competitive epoch. So, to allow the internet in school can play a key role in the development of a student. By knowing the advantages of the internet, the young students can comprehend any concept of study which is not understood by them in classrooms. For verification, it is illustrated that the students who are well recognised with internet usage in school time, do not usually face the inconvenience in further life. On the contrary, in spite of the internet being such helpful in school, its drawbacks cannot be overlooked. It is likely that the pupils can be overdependent on the internet. It can swallow the direct interaction between students and teacher. For instance, there are many websites on the internet with which students can attend any lecture of his class through the internet while sitting at home. So he or she probably make it a habit and as to he or she can give preference to the online methods of study. Furthermore, there is surety that every student would use this technology in a positive way. So far I have written to be concluded that it is in the hand of the school department to make the positive development of usage of internet in school. They should allow the students to use the internet to such an extent that it cannot impact the practical knowledge and interaction of the students with teacher.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Overstated phrase Original: an irresistible fact Suggested revision: widely accepted Why it matters: This sounds memorised and too dramatic for an IELTS essay opening.
- 2. Missing article Original: utilisation of internet Suggested revision: use of the internet Why it matters: This is the natural collocation and needs the article before internet.
- 3. Unnatural range Original: among the schools Suggested revision: in schools Why it matters: The essay is discussing school settings generally, not movement among schools.
- 4. Unclear position Original: positive and negative developments Suggested revision: both positive and negative effects, but overall it is positive if supervised Why it matters: The task asks whether it is positive or negative, so your position must be more decisive.
- 5. Awkward transition Original: spotlighting the positive development Suggested revision: One positive aspect is that Why it matters: Use a simple signpost instead of an unnatural phrase.
- 6. Verb form Original: that they know about Suggested revision: to know about Why it matters: After imperative for today's pupils, the infinitive is smoother.
- 7. Over-specific article Original: the young students Suggested revision: young students Why it matters: No article is needed when referring to students generally.
- 8. Wrong collocation Original: well recognised with internet usage Suggested revision: familiar with using the internet Why it matters: People are familiar with a tool; recognised with is not idiomatic here.
- 9. Wrong verb Original: It can swallow Suggested revision: It can reduce Why it matters: Swallow does not naturally describe loss of interaction in this context.
- 10. Plural noun Original: students and teacher Suggested revision: students and teachers Why it matters: You are referring to teachers in general, so use the plural.
- 11. Pronoun agreement Original: students can attend any lecture of his class Suggested revision: students can attend any lecture for their class Why it matters: The plural noun students needs their, not his.
- 12. Sentence link Original: So he or she probably make it a habit Suggested revision: As a result, they may make it a habit Why it matters: Use a clearer consequence linker and correct subject-verb agreement.
Suggested Rewrites
- an irresistible fact widely accepted
- utilisation of internet use of the internet
- among the schools in schools
- positive and negative developments both positive and negative effects, but overall it is positive if supervised
- spotlighting the positive development One positive aspect is that
- that they know about to know about
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both benefits and drawbacks of internet use in schools and gives a position, but the view is not sharply framed as positive, negative, or balanced until the end.
State your judgement clearly in the introduction, then make each body paragraph prove one part of that judgement with a specific school-based example.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic progression from advantages to disadvantages to conclusion, but paragraphing is absent and some links are mechanical or unclear.
Use separate paragraphs and topic sentences: one for educational benefits, one for risks, and one conclusion with your final position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but several word choices are unnatural or imprecise, which weakens academic tone.
Replace memorised phrases with direct academic wording, such as internet access, classroom learning, supervision, and overdependence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is mostly clear, but article use, subject-verb agreement, and sentence control errors occur regularly.
Revise long sentences into shorter clauses and check each noun phrase for articles and plural forms.