Many countries spend a huge sum of money on supporting art. While some people think that investment in art is necessary, others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
While art and culture represent a country, proper healthcare and education facilities are the two most important pillars of a nation. Thus people often have divided opinions on spending money on the "art" and "education and healthcare" sectors. This essay will discuss both these views and present an opinion that the education and healthcare sectors should get more priority.
People who advocate for spending on art opine that art is also a part of our education, tradition and heritage, and it reflects our life. It is an important sector and thus should always get priority to foster creativity and preserve our tradition and culture. They often speak about the Renaissance era and try to focus on how art contributed to the revolution for changing the world. They feel that a great portion of the budget should always be reserved for the development of art and it should never be a secondary priority.
On the contrary, another group of people feel that when a government fails to ensure proper education and healthcare facilities, as is the case in most poor and developing countries, it bears little value towards the development of art. For instance, if a person has only a few dollars and she is ill, she will purchase medicines instead of buying artwork. Similarly, a government should first focus on education and healthcare sectors, and then think about art. If art gets priority in the national budget, people would starve and suffer from the lack of healthcare services and treatment.
In pithy, I personally believe that allocating state money to different sectors in a country should be done prudently to improve the life of the citizens. And healthcare and education should always be the priority while a portion of the budget could go to art.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify representation Original: art and culture represent a country Suggested revision: art and culture express a country's identity Why it matters: The revision states more precisely what art and culture represent.
- 2. Use accurate metaphor Original: facilities are the two most important pillars Suggested revision: systems are two of the most important pillars Why it matters: Healthcare and education are systems, and 'two of the most important' avoids claiming that only two pillars exist.
- 3. Add linking comma Original: Thus people Suggested revision: Thus, people Why it matters: An introductory linking adverb should be followed by a comma.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: divided opinions on Suggested revision: differing opinions about Why it matters: 'Differing opinions about' is the more natural collocation here.
- 5. Remove awkward labels Original: the "art" and "education and healthcare" sectors Suggested revision: the arts, education, and healthcare sectors Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary quotation marks and names the three sectors clearly.
- 6. Add missing preposition Original: both these views Suggested revision: both of these views Why it matters: 'Both of these views' is the standard construction with a demonstrative determiner.
- 7. Fix priority collocation Original: get more priority Suggested revision: receive higher priority Why it matters: 'Receive higher priority' is the natural formal collocation.
- 8. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: 'Argue' is more natural and appropriately formal in this argumentative context.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive 'our' requires 'lives' when referring generally to people's experiences.
- 10. Improve formal phrasing Original: thus should always get priority Suggested revision: should therefore receive priority Why it matters: The revision uses a more natural formal collocation and positions the linker smoothly.
- 11. Use plural tradition Original: tradition Suggested revision: traditions Why it matters: The plural better reflects the range of traditions belonging to a society.
- 12. Remove redundancy Original: the Renaissance era Suggested revision: the Renaissance Why it matters: 'Renaissance' already names the historical period, so 'era' is redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- art and culture represent a country art and culture express a country's identity
- facilities are the two most important pillars systems are two of the most important pillars
- Thus people Thus, people
- divided opinions on differing opinions about
- the "art" and "education and healthcare" sectors the arts, education, and healthcare sectors
- both these views both of these views
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly discusses both positions and maintains a consistent preference for education and healthcare, with a logical paragraph structure and relevant supporting ideas. Its main weakness is that several claims are overstated or only briefly justified, and awkward collocations reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a more balanced comparison with realistic consequences and more natural word choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are clearly covered, although some supporting claims are exaggerated or insufficiently qualified.
Develop each side with more realistic evidence and explain why essential services deserve priority without implying that art funding necessarily causes starvation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into clear paragraphs, and its central argument progresses coherently from discussion to conclusion.
Use less formulaic transitions and connect the budget-allocation example more explicitly to the preceding national-policy claim.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows sufficient range for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations and expressions sometimes weaken precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as get more priority, bears little value towards, and In pithy with idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is used with generally good control, despite some punctuation and construction problems.
Review clause linking, article use, and parallel structures so that complex sentences remain consistently well formed.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many countries spend a huge sum of money on supporting art. While some people think that investment in art is necessary, others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.