Many countries spend a huge sum of money on supporting art. While some people think that investment in art is necessary, others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
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Sample Response
While art and culture express a country's identityart and culture represent a country, proper healthcare and education systems are two of the most important pillarsfacilities are the two most important pillars of a nation. Thus, peopleThus people often have differing opinions aboutdivided opinions on spending money on the arts, education, and healthcare sectorsthe "art" and "education and healthcare" sectors. This essay will discuss both of these viewsboth these views and present an opinion that the education and healthcare sectors should receive higher priorityget more priority.
People who advocate for spending on art argueopine that art is also a part of our education, tradition and heritage, and it reflects our liveslife. It is an important sector and should therefore receive prioritythus should always get priority to foster creativity and preserve our traditionstradition and culture. They often speak about the Renaissancethe Renaissance era and try to focus on how art helped transform the worldcontributed to the revolution for changing the world. They feel that a large proportion of the budgeta great portion of the budget should always be reserved for the development of art and it should never be treated as secondaryit should never be a secondary priority.
On the contrary, another group of people feel that when a government fails to ensure proper education and healthcare facilities, as is the case in most poor and developing countries, it bears little value towards the development of art. For instance, if a person has only a few dollars and she is ill, she will buy medicinepurchase medicines instead of buying artwork. Similarly, a government should first focus on the education and healthcare sectorsfocus on education and healthcare sectors, and then think about art. If the arts were given priority in the national budgetIf art gets priority in the national budget, people would starve and suffer from a lack of healthcare servicesthe lack of healthcare services and treatment.
In pithy, I personally believe that allocating state money to different sectors in a country should be done prudently to improve citizens' livesthe life of the citizens. And healthcare and education should always be the priority while a portion of the budget could go to art.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly discusses both positions and maintains a consistent preference for education and healthcare, with a logical paragraph structure and relevant supporting ideas. Its main weakness is that several claims are overstated or only briefly justified, and awkward collocations reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a more balanced comparison with realistic consequences and more natural word choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are clearly covered, although some supporting claims are exaggerated or insufficiently qualified.
Develop each side with more realistic evidence and explain why essential services deserve priority without implying that art funding necessarily causes starvation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into clear paragraphs, and its central argument progresses coherently from discussion to conclusion.
Use less formulaic transitions and connect the budget-allocation example more explicitly to the preceding national-policy claim.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows sufficient range for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations and expressions sometimes weaken precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as get more priority, bears little value towards, and In pithy with idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is used with generally good control, despite some punctuation and construction problems.
Review clause linking, article use, and parallel structures so that complex sentences remain consistently well formed.