Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
Scientific findings have indicated that the excessive consumption of fast food is causing people's health to deteriorateleading the health of people to deterioration. According to some people, this unhealthy practice can be stopped through education; however, otherssome others have little faith in this solution. As the supporters of each view have their own justifications, whether education is effective will be examined in this essayremains to be seen in this essay.
On the one hand, raising people's awareness ofraising the awareness of people towards the dangers of unhealthy food can certainly yield some promising outcomes. Firstly, many fast food products provide very little or no information on the their nutritional contentnutritional content in them, preventing consumers from knowingdeterring the consumers from knowing how much fat, sodium, or cholesterol they consumethe amount of fat, sodium or cholesterol which they take in. By being informed of how much of these harmful substances are contained in their favourite hamburgers or chips, as well as being shown the likely consequences of over-eating these foods, consumers can be more cautious the next time they choose their food. Secondly, education inat schools can help to form healthy eating habits for children and parents. For instance, schools can hold some extracurricular activities such as growing and selling vegetables with the participationattendance of both students and parents, in order to promote the benefits of healthy diets and warn against the potential risks of junk food.
On the other hand, some people doubt the effectiveness of education for certain reasons. To begin with, despite being aware of the negative effects of fast food, many people who are too busy persist in eating it because it is convenient and saves timedue to its convenience and time-saving. In this case, education hardly makes a difference as they have made a choice. In addition, compared with the wide range and availability of fast food stores and menus, healthy food options are severely limitedhealthy food is seriously limited. Furthermore, healthy food is commonly inferior to fast food in terms of taste and priceprices as a matter of fact. As a result, however convincing education is, it is almost impossible for people to change their eating habits without a ready alternative to their unhealthy food choices.
In conclusion, people have different opinions about whether to support education so as to reduce people’s consumption of fast food. In my opinion, education can be a viable measure with careful consideration of other impediments.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a balanced, well-developed discussion, using relevant explanations and an effective example to show why education can help and why it may be insufficient alone. The main limitation is that the writer's own position is withheld until the conclusion and remains somewhat cautiously expressed. State the qualified opinion clearly in the introduction and use it to frame the comparison throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth with relevant support, and a qualified opinion is ultimately clear, though introduced late.
Present the qualified position in the introduction and reinforce it when weighing the two perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear progression of focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices managed effectively.
Link the final judgement more explicitly to the specific limitations developed in the opposing-view paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad academic vocabulary effectively, despite several awkward or imprecise collocations.
Refine phrases such as leading health to deterioration, attendance of parents, and inferior in prices into more natural combinations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and generally accurate, with only occasional non-impeding slips or awkward constructions.
Edit dense sentences for cleaner clause relationships and more natural comparative and concessive structures.