Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Today, individuals believe that consumption of junk food has resulted in several negative health issues. With this increase, many people opine that educating the public could resolve the issue easily, while others are against this notion. The subsequent essay will present both arguments regarding this situation and elaborate the respective meanings.
Educating people about healthier fat options and diets is a must in today’s time as these would involve learning about the pros and cons of fast food. This would make an individual become aware of the health problem that follows the consumption of this food such as being overweight. For example, with the fast-paced development of society, the population is getting busy and thus it has become more convenient to buy takeaway food. Due to this, people are being affected in terms of harmful fats which causes many health problems.
However, education can help in effectively mitigating the problem. The fast food industry has to be reduced in the amount of produce it offers. Gradually, the consumption of junk food would be reduced as they become aware of the consequences. Besides, people can also participate in various outdoor activities which can rejuvenate them. As a result, they can not only focus on their physical health but also mental health. In addition to that, the government should also increase the taxes on fast food which will compel individuals to cook more at home, eat healthier.
To conclude, the consumption of fast foods in the global market is very high due to their easy accessibility and quick preparation service. To curb this issue, one should be made aware of the advantages and disadvantages of such food items along with imposing high taxes on them by the government.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: that consumption of junk food Suggested revision: that the consumption of junk food Why it matters: The specific process being discussed requires the definite article “the”.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: With this increase Suggested revision: Given this growing problem Why it matters: No clear increasing quantity precedes “this increase,” so the reference is unclear.
- 3. Use natural verb Original: opine Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: “Believe” is more natural and direct in this context.
- 4. State disagreement directly Original: against this notion Suggested revision: of the opposite view Why it matters: This phrase expresses the contrasting position more formally and precisely.
- 5. Use correct reference Original: subsequent Suggested revision: following Why it matters: “Following” refers to text that comes next, while “subsequent” is awkward for self-reference here.
- 6. Clarify essay purpose Original: elaborate the respective meanings Suggested revision: explain the reasoning behind each view Why it matters: Arguments have reasoning to explain rather than separate “meanings” to elaborate.
- 7. Use natural subject Original: the population is getting busy Suggested revision: people are becoming busier Why it matters: “People are becoming busier” naturally describes increasing demands on individuals’ time.
- 8. Show result clearly Original: Due to this Suggested revision: As a result Why it matters: This connector more clearly marks the stated consequence of greater takeaway consumption.
- 9. Clarify the effect Original: being affected in terms of harmful fats Suggested revision: being exposed to harmful fats Why it matters: “Exposed to” directly expresses contact with the harmful fats being discussed.
- 10. Match plural subject Original: causes Suggested revision: cause Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the plural noun “fats,” so it requires “cause”.
- 11. Streamline verb pattern Original: help in effectively mitigating Suggested revision: help to mitigate Why it matters: The infinitive pattern is clearer and avoids unnecessary wording.
- 12. Fix unclear pronoun Original: they Suggested revision: people Why it matters: “They” appears to refer grammatically to junk-food consumption rather than to people.
Suggested Rewrites
- that consumption of junk food that the consumption of junk food
- With this increase Given this growing problem
- opine believe
- against this notion of the opposite view
- subsequent following
- elaborate the respective meanings explain the reasoning behind each view
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is organised into clear paragraphs and offers several relevant measures for reducing junk-food consumption. Its central limitation is task coverage: it promises both views but never explains why education might fail, and its own opinion emerges only indirectly. Add a distinct, developed paragraph for the opposing view, state a clear position in the introduction, and use more precise language to connect each example to that position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops the case for education and other interventions but does not discuss the required view that education will not work.
Explain the opposing view in a separate paragraph and state a clear personal judgement that weighs both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic progression are clear, but the third paragraph's contrasting link is misleading because it continues supporting education.
Give each paragraph one distinct argumentative purpose and use transitions that accurately represent the relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range of topic vocabulary, though frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices weaken clarity.
Use more natural phrases for food consumption, health consequences, industry supply, and public behaviour.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed with generally clear meaning, but agreement, reference, and sentence-structure errors occur regularly.
Check subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference, and parallel verb structures, especially in longer cause-and-effect sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.