Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Companies tend to hire people for the completion of tasks of various kindsnatures. Some tasks demand only short-time commitment and others continuecontinues in thea long run. Some people argue that people will work with strong motivationlofty ambitions, high dedication and a great commitment if they are hired for lifefor their lifetime. However, others claim that it is unfair for those people who are studying in different educational institutions and hoping a bright future ahead, I believe that a job for the entire life is not a pragmatic approach and creates many problems in a society. It is often seen that businesses thrive by applying innovative ideas and modern technologies. These are two areas where students have been taught in depthdeeply to cope withcope up with challenges in their future. Therefore, it is mandatory for businesses to hiretake fresh graduates and dismiss employeesdiscard people in a company who laglack behind in skills and knowledge. Furthermore, the unemployment rate will dramatically increase in the absence of jobs in the market. Because all jobs are occupied for lifelives and there are fewer chancesthere are less likely to have chances of vacanciesvacant places. However, there is no doubt that employees’ performancepeople performances are extraordinary if they have strong senseconfined feeling of job security. They would like to work hard to achieve maximum benefit to the companymaximum benefits for a company. Thus, their efforts will be reflected in increasedreflect in increased productivity and profit marginsmargin of the business. To sum up, I would like to say that hiring employees for lifefor the lifetime is not a practical strategy forin a business. Companies use people for the sake of their own benefits and reward them until there is a need for that skill in the company. Moreover, unemployment, frustration and tension are few factors which could greatly influence youngsters if businesses adopt this policy.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with relevant points about innovation, unemployment, and job security, while showing a reasonably broad vocabulary. Its effectiveness is reduced by presenting the entire argument as one paragraph, by some overgeneralised claims, and by frequent awkward or inaccurate language. Prioritise dividing the argument into purposeful paragraphs and explaining each main claim more precisely with controlled complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant arguments are developed, though some claims about replacing workers and unemployment are overgeneralised or insufficiently justified.
Support each central claim with a more measured explanation of how lifetime employment would produce the stated consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence and uses cohesive markers, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens organisation and some links are mechanical.
Separate the introduction, opposing considerations, main reasons, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one controlling idea each.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably wide range of topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and word-form choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations with natural academic phrasing, especially when discussing skills, job security, vacancies, and long-term employment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is an attempt to use varied complex structures, but frequent agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors limit control.
Edit complex sentences for complete clause boundaries and accurate agreement before adding further grammatical variety.