Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
According to some pundits, the means through which sporting or entertainment events can be watched greatly affects one's enjoyment. Specifically, these people contend that witnessing these activities in person provides more satisfaction compared to viewing them on television. I mostly agree with them, even though the other option deserves some consideration.
On the one hand, watching televised broadcasts has its own advantages. Firstly, the viewing experience of sporting events can be vastly enhanced. Professional camera work lets the audience watch instant replays, while commentary delivers analysis of a certain play. This, as a result, enriches their comprehension of a match in progress. Besides that, televised broadcasts offer immense convenience, as people can witness the spectacle without having to jostle with crowds. Watching a concert from the comfort of one’s home, for instance, is pleasurable, as the audience may view close-up shots while sipping their favorite beverage, far removed from the discomfort of bumping into random people.
However, live performances can outshine television broadcasts. What a live event lacks in comfort, it makes up for with a multitude of sensory inputs. In a concert, for example, not only does the audience enjoy the music, but they also bask in the ambience, the crowd’s vibrancy, and the aura of the performer. This combination provides what many describe as a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Live spectators of a sporting performance, meanwhile, can be eyewitnesses to the true physicality and skill being displayed, thereby enhancing their sense of appreciation for the participating athletes. As the late novelist David Foster Wallace once remarked, watching a live tennis match is unlike seeing it on television, as the camera angles from a broadcast belie the speed of a ball on the court, the only factor to attest the mastery and brilliance of the players who have to hit it.
In conclusion, although both live and televised events are enjoyable, I believe the former option provides a richer, deeper and more exhilarating experience. However, that does not mean witnessing a performance in person is the only way to derive satisfaction from it, as the choice is ultimately down to individual preference or financial constraints.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct phrasing Original: the means through which sporting or entertainment events can be watched Suggested revision: the way people watch sporting or entertainment events Why it matters: The revision expresses the idea more directly and naturally.
- 2. Fix comparison form Original: provides more satisfaction compared to Suggested revision: provides more satisfaction than Why it matters: Use than, rather than compared to, after a comparative expression.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: I mostly agree with them Suggested revision: I mostly agree with this view Why it matters: This view refers more precisely to the proposition rather than to the people holding it.
- 4. Name the option Original: the other option Suggested revision: televised viewing Why it matters: Naming the alternative makes the contrast more precise.
- 5. Match the sequence Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: First fits better because the paragraph does not introduce a corresponding Secondly.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: analysis of a certain play Suggested revision: analysis of key moments Why it matters: Key moments is more natural and specific in the context of sports commentary.
- 7. Remove redundant linker Original: This, as a result, Suggested revision: This Why it matters: The causal relationship is already clear, so the inserted linker interrupts the sentence unnecessarily.
- 8. Use formal transition Original: Besides that Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: In addition is a more suitable transition for formal academic prose.
- 9. Choose natural wording Original: witness the spectacle Suggested revision: watch the event Why it matters: Watch the event is more precise and less inflated in this context.
- 10. Make wording concise Original: far removed from the discomfort of bumping into random people Suggested revision: without the discomfort of a crowded venue Why it matters: The revision preserves the contrast while avoiding an awkward and overly personal phrase.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: with a multitude of sensory inputs Suggested revision: through a wider range of sensory experiences Why it matters: Sensory experiences is more natural than the technical-sounding sensory inputs here.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: As the late novelist David Foster Wallace once remarked, watching a live tennis match is unlike seeing it on television, as the camera angles from a broadcast belie the speed of a ball on the court, the only factor to attest the mastery and brilliance of the players who have to hit it. Suggested revision: As the late novelist David Foster Wallace once remarked, watching a live tennis match differs from seeing it on television because broadcast camera angles can disguise the ball's speed on the court, which attests to the players' mastery and brilliance. Why it matters: The original final modifier attaches unclearly and makes the relationship between the ball's speed and the players' skill difficult to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- the means through which sporting or entertainment events can be watched the way people watch sporting or entertainment events
- provides more satisfaction compared to provides more satisfaction than
- I mostly agree with them I mostly agree with this view
- the other option televised viewing
- Firstly First
- analysis of a certain play analysis of key moments
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response sustains a clear, nuanced position and develops both viewing modes with vivid, highly relevant examples, while its strongest work lies in the detailed explanation of live events' sensory impact. A few claims become unnecessarily elaborate or imprecise, particularly the tennis example and the final qualification. Prioritise tighter reasoning and more economical phrasing so every example directly strengthens the central comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both sides are fully developed with relevant explanation and specific examples.
Make the tennis evidence more concise and explicitly connect its technical detail to greater enjoyment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and effectively.
Tighten a few long explanatory sequences so the central comparison remains immediately prominent.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with strong control of language for sensory experience and spectatorship.
Replace occasional over-elaborate or slightly strained phrases with simpler, more exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Refine the longest sentences to prevent heavily embedded clauses from weakening precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.