Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Some people claim that attending a live performanceattending a performance live is more enjoyablegives more delight and pleasure than watching the same eventevents on screen. In my opinion, I somewhat disagree with this conviction because each situation is more enjoyable than one another to different kinds of audiences.
On the one hand, going to live performances is more enjoyable forto some groups of people. First, sociable peopleaudiences prefer to attend these events to enjoy a feeling of togetherness. During a concert or a sporting eventa sports game, people cancould dance and chant together, which is a stimulating experience for outgoing individuals. Besides, attending live performances gives the audience a chance to have personal interactioninteractions with their favorite artists or athletes. For many people, the difference between interacting with their idols in real life, which is a much more pleasant experience, and through a TV screen is as different as night and day.
On the other hand, watching the same events on television is more enjoyable for people with certain characteristics. First of all, television broadcasts suittelevision broadcast suits those who want full control of their surroundings when they watch a performance. To be more specific, home viewers could adjust the positions of their seat or televisionthe positions of the seat or the television to their liking, whereas at a live event, audience members usually have to remain in fixed seatsa live event usually only allows the audience to stay in a fixed seat. Furthermore, television audiences also face fewer distractionsare also bothered by fewer distractions than live audiences. For example, people who just want to focus on the performance cancould avoid attending live events, where noise coming from excitedexciting fans could easily distract them and spoildisturb their experience.
In conclusion, I reiterate my disagreement with the claim thatthe opinion stating that going to a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. While extroverted people and those who want to meet their favorite artists or athletes would prefer to attend live performances, television broadcasts areTelevision broadcast is preferablemore preferable for those wanting either no distractions or full controleither no distraction or a full control of their surroundings.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response develops a thoughtful, audience-dependent position and supports both viewing options with clear, relevant examples in a logically organized structure. Its main limitation is imprecision in several comparisons and collocations, which occasionally makes the argument sound less natural; the highest-priority improvement is to express the qualified disagreement more precisely and then edit recurring article, agreement, and word-choice errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the claim, presents a qualified disagreement, and develops relevant reasons for both viewing preferences.
State the audience-dependent position more precisely in the introduction and explicitly connect each body paragraph to the degree of disagreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced and clearly paragraphed, with cohesive devices supporting smooth progression.
Vary the internal transitions and tighten a few long comparative sentences to make the flow more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and often apt, but several inaccurate collocations and repeated terms reduce precision.
Correct phrases such as more preferable and exciting fans and vary repeated uses of enjoyable and audience.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures, although recurring article, number, capitalization, and comparison errors remain.
Proofread noun phrases and comparisons carefully, especially television broadcasts, seat position, and full control.