Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Sample Response
Observing some events in real time in person has very different impact on human nature than watching recorded or broadcasted version. Liking and disliking vary from person to person, some people are delighted to attend events in a live show and others prefer to watch them while sitting in their bedroom. In my opinion, live programs are more recreational, socialising and provide chances to meet favourite actors or heroes and even one can get autographs. Firstly, while attending live events we can enjoy more because of charged audience and an amusing environment. Audience clap, dance, shouts and narrates slogan to warm the pleasant environment. At the end of the event, we can meet the distinguished people and even can take their pictures with you. Secondly, these recreational shows gather multidimensional joys and happiness with them. We schedule the programs with our family and friends and go to some place with food and cameras. Live shows are the source of socialisation, we can meet our friend and even we can make new friends. The phenomenon of silent learning works, we learn few new things without effortful intention to learn that valuable quality. We may save our sweet memories with people around us by taking video shots. On the other hand, to join real-time shows are expensive, we have to spend a reasonable amount of money to join it. Moreover, we have to manage time to execute our attendance. While watching these programs when they are broadcasted it is inexpensive and one can manage his daily routine by working around. In conclusion, we should join live programs to make our self more happy and cheerful but not at the cost of duty and disturbance in daily routine. Before choosing the option of these programs one should consider that expense of tickets should not disturb the monthly budget of the family.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use performance term Original: programs Suggested revision: performances Why it matters: Live performances is the appropriate term for plays, concerts, and sporting events.
- 2. Fix parallel structure Original: more recreational, socialising and provide chances Suggested revision: more entertaining and sociable and provide opportunities Why it matters: The coordinated description needs parallel adjective forms before the verb phrase.
- 3. Name participants precisely Original: favourite actors or heroes Suggested revision: favourite performers or athletes Why it matters: Performers or athletes fits the range of live events more precisely than heroes.
- 4. Fix pronoun and order Original: and even one can get autographs Suggested revision: and attendees may even obtain autographs Why it matters: The revision removes the vague pronoun one and places even naturally.
- 5. Use simple sequencing Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: First is the more concise transition for introducing the initial reason.
- 6. Remove faulty while clause Original: while attending live events we can enjoy more Suggested revision: we can enjoy live events more Why it matters: The original while-clause has no contrasting or simultaneous main action to complete it.
- 7. Add article and clarify Original: because of charged audience Suggested revision: because of an enthusiastic audience Why it matters: The singular count noun needs an article, and enthusiastic conveys the intended energy.
- 8. Use event collocation Original: an amusing environment Suggested revision: a lively atmosphere Why it matters: Lively atmosphere is the natural expression for an energetic live event.
- 9. Fix number and agreement Original: Audience clap, dance, shouts and narrates slogan Suggested revision: Audience members clap, dance, shout, and chant slogans Why it matters: The plural subject requires parallel base verbs, and chant slogans is the natural phrase.
- 10. Use natural effect phrase Original: to warm the pleasant environment Suggested revision: to energize the atmosphere Why it matters: Energize the atmosphere clearly describes the audience's effect on the event.
- 11. Identify event participants Original: the distinguished people Suggested revision: the featured performers Why it matters: Featured performers identifies the notable people at the event more precisely.
- 12. Correct pronoun viewpoint Original: take their pictures with you Suggested revision: take photographs with them Why it matters: Them correctly refers to the performers from the writer's viewpoint.
Suggested Rewrites
- programs performances
- more recreational, socialising and provide chances more entertaining and sociable and provide opportunities
- favourite actors or heroes favourite performers or athletes
- and even one can get autographs and attendees may even obtain autographs
- Firstly First
- while attending live events we can enjoy more we can enjoy live events more
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear preference for live events and its range of relevant reasons, including atmosphere, social contact, meeting performers, and shared memories, while acknowledging cost and time constraints. Its main limitation is weak support and frequent language errors: the prompt requests specific examples, but the discussion remains general and several claims are unclear. The priority is to develop one concrete event example in accurate, concise sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant reasons are offered, but development is uneven and no genuinely specific example supports the comparison.
Use one concert, play, or sporting-event example to demonstrate why the live atmosphere outweighs television's lower cost and convenience.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence from live-event benefits to practical drawbacks and conclusion, but the single paragraph and frequent comma splices weaken flow.
Separate atmosphere, social benefits, and the concession about cost into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of vocabulary, but many unnatural combinations such as "multidimensional joys," "execute our attendance," and "sweet memories" reduce precision.
Use direct expressions such as "shared excitement," "attend the event," "socialise," and "create lasting memories."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, comparison structures, and sentence boundaries reduce accuracy.
Build shorter sentences and check forms such as "a different impact," "the audience claps," "ourselves," and "live events are expensive."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.