Damage to the environment is an inevitable consequence of worldwide improvements in the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many hold on to this view that today mankind’s way of life is surrounded by a wide range of advanced facilities and that exerts profound impacts on nature. I am of those individuals who strongly concur with this idea. In this essay, it is going to be assessed some effects resulting from modern lifestyle.
As the main issue which could stem from developing urban life is that the communities increase the utilisation of natural resources ranging from oil and gas to forests and water, to improve social facilities in the mega cities. By the way of illustration, some governments devise the plans to ascend the urban areas by deforestation projects. The second considerable plight is the fact that the technologic equipment cause widespread environmental pollution all around the world, which undoubtedly, the health of human being could be brought about those pollutions. For example, in some big cities of the world, the air pollution caused by automobile's exhaust has been turned to the serious crisis.
As the third stumbling block of the advanced way of life, it could be noticed that people have got used to spending their time working with novel devices ranging from computers to smartphones and also video games. The side effect of such habits could negatively affect the families` relationships. As a result, the member of families, especially the youngsters would feel lonely even if they live together.
In conclusion, by all the reasons mentioned above, it undeniably seems that despite a variety of merits of developed lifestyle, human being suffers the difficulties organised from the modern changes. However, the adequate and integrated management could conduct the mankind to make the earth to a better place to live.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. State agreement naturally Original: I am of those individuals who strongly concur Suggested revision: I am among those who strongly agree Why it matters: The revision uses the natural “among those who agree” structure.
- 2. Fix passive structure Original: In this essay, it is going to be assessed some effects Suggested revision: This essay will assess some effects Why it matters: The original passive construction has no grammatical subject for “assessed.”
- 3. Fix linking phrase Original: By the way of illustration Suggested revision: By way of illustration Why it matters: The fixed expression does not take “the.”
- 4. Use correct expansion verb Original: ascend the urban areas Suggested revision: expand urban areas Why it matters: “Ascend” means move upward and cannot describe increasing the extent of a city.
- 5. Fix means preposition Original: by Suggested revision: through Why it matters: “Through” naturally expresses the means by which the expansion occurs.
- 6. Use clear topic phrase Original: As the third stumbling block of the advanced way of life Suggested revision: A third drawback of the modern way of life Why it matters: The revision removes the unnecessary “As” and uses a more natural description.
- 7. Use concise habit phrase Original: have got used to spending their time working with Suggested revision: have become accustomed to spending time using Why it matters: The revision expresses the established habit more concisely and uses the correct verb for devices.
- 8. Make range parallel Original: computers to smartphones and also video games Suggested revision: computers and smartphones to video games Why it matters: The list should coordinate devices and games consistently within the stated range.
- 9. Use plural effects Original: effect Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: Multiple habits can produce multiple effects, matching the general claim.
- 10. Avoid redundant negativity Original: could negatively affect Suggested revision: could damage Why it matters: “Damage” conveys a negative effect without the redundant adverb.
- 11. Use plural family members Original: the member of families Suggested revision: family members Why it matters: The general statement requires the plural noun phrase “family members.”
- 12. Add article Original: merits of developed lifestyle Suggested revision: benefits of a developed lifestyle Why it matters: The singular countable noun “lifestyle” requires an article, and “benefits” is more natural here.
Suggested Rewrites
- I am of those individuals who strongly concur I am among those who strongly agree
- In this essay, it is going to be assessed some effects This essay will assess some effects
- By the way of illustration By way of illustration
- ascend the urban areas expand urban areas
- by through
- As the third stumbling block of the advanced way of life A third drawback of the modern way of life
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a clear view and gives relevant discussion of resource depletion and pollution, supported by recognisable examples. However, a substantial paragraph about family relationships does not address environmental damage, and the conclusion introduces an insufficiently explained qualification; frequent awkward structures also impair precision. The priority is to keep every main idea directly focused on environmental consequences and develop a consistent position with clearer, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear initial position and develops two relevant environmental effects, but the off-topic third argument and qualified conclusion weaken task coverage.
Replace the discussion of family relationships with a developed environmental consequence and clarify whether damage is truly inevitable despite possible management.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and sequencing are broadly clear, but formulaic linking, cumbersome sentence openings, and the off-topic progression reduce cohesion.
Use direct topic sentences and ensure that every paragraph advances the same environmental line of argument.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms limit clarity and naturalness.
Prefer precise, established phrases for urban development, technological equipment, pollution, and environmental management rather than forcing uncommon wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted throughout, but frequent errors in clause construction, agreement, articles, possession, and passive forms sometimes strain comprehension.
Build complex sentences from accurate independent clauses and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and passive constructions.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Damage to the environment is an inevitable consequence of worldwide improvements in the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.