Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?
Sample Response
In terms of local people’s attendance, museums and historical places have always paled in comparison with other recreational centres. This essay will present some reasons why this has occurred and put forward some solutions to resurrect the interest of local people in visiting these places.
The small and dwindling number of local visitors to museums can firstly be attributable to the low frequency with which activities are held. In other words, the renewals of existing exhibits or the organization of new programs and events are few and far between. For this reason, little interest is aroused in those who had once been to the museum or places of historical significance. Furthermore, museums and historical sites do not come cheap. In fact, to get admission to these places, visitors are often required to pay a substantial amount of money, which can be worth a day’s salary.
In order to drum up more interest of local people in coming to museums, a number of ways can be employed. What can be done first of all is to organise activities which incorporate art performances with appropriate content. This not only encourages the attendance of local people but also represents a great opportunity to educate them about the history of their places of origin. In addition, the authorities can also lower the admission fee or offer discounts to local inhabitants.
To conclude, many reasons can be given as to why local people lose their enthusiasm for museums and places of historical importance. However, the revival of these places is within our grasp should proper actions be taken.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise opening Original: In terms of local people’s attendance Suggested revision: Regarding local attendance Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same focus more naturally.
- 2. Use consistent term Original: places Suggested revision: sites Why it matters: ‘Historical sites’ is the more precise term and matches the task wording.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: resurrect Suggested revision: revive Why it matters: ‘Revive interest’ is the conventional collocation in this context.
- 4. Correct passive form Original: can firstly be attributable to Suggested revision: can first be attributed to Why it matters: The passive construction requires the past participle ‘attributed’.
- 5. Clarify exhibit changes Original: the renewals of existing exhibits Suggested revision: updates to existing exhibits Why it matters: ‘Renewals of exhibits’ is not a natural expression for changing museum displays.
- 6. Use present perfect Original: those who had once been to the museum Suggested revision: those who have already been to the museum Why it matters: The present perfect suits past visits that remain relevant to current interest.
- 7. Use direct wording Original: to get admission to these places Suggested revision: to enter these places Why it matters: The direct verb avoids the wordy phrase ‘get admission’.
- 8. Clarify cost comparison Original: which can be worth a day’s salary Suggested revision: equivalent to a day’s salary Why it matters: ‘Equivalent to’ states the comparison between the fee and a salary more precisely.
- 9. Fix preposition pattern Original: interest of local people in coming to museums Suggested revision: interest among local people in visiting museums Why it matters: ‘Interest among people in visiting’ is the natural grammatical pattern.
- 10. Use precise action Original: a number of ways can be employed Suggested revision: several measures can be taken Why it matters: Measures are ‘taken’, while ‘ways can be employed’ is less natural and precise.
- 11. Clarify performance description Original: activities which incorporate art performances with appropriate content Suggested revision: activities that incorporate relevant artistic performances Why it matters: The revision states more concisely that the performances should suit the historical setting.
- 12. Remove repeated addition Original: can also lower Suggested revision: can lower Why it matters: ‘In addition’ already signals another measure, so ‘also’ is redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- In terms of local people’s attendance Regarding local attendance
- places sites
- resurrect revive
- can firstly be attributable to can first be attributed to
- the renewals of existing exhibits updates to existing exhibits
- those who had once been to the museum those who have already been to the museum
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, logically organised treatment of both the causes of low local attendance and workable ways to increase it. Its main limitation is that some supporting claims remain fairly general, while a few ambitious expressions are less natural than the otherwise strong language. The best improvement would be to develop one solution with a more specific explanation of how it would change local behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with relevant, well-developed reasons and practical solutions supported by clear explanation.
Deepen one proposed measure with a more specific account of how it would motivate repeat local visits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly through causes and solutions, with focused paragraphs and effective cohesive links.
Make the link between each identified barrier and its corresponding solution even more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and precise overall, although a few expressions such as renewals of existing exhibits and interest of local people are slightly awkward.
Refine occasional collocations while retaining the effective range of topic-specific and idiomatic language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Polish small tense and phrasing choices through a final edit to make grammatical control more consistently natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.