More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? Use relevant examples to support your view.
Sample Response
In this highly competitive world, people have been spending a significant amount of time at their workplaces. It is true that most of the working people do not have social and family lives due to their hectic life. In this essay, I would like to discuss various aspects of the topic and try to reach a conclusion according to my perspective.
To commence with, in this globalised world, most of the companies and their workers have to face an international competition in the market which makes their work harder and tougher. To make it clear, it is evident that most of the international firms are technologically and ideally advanced so it has become necessary to work overtime with dedications to compete with those companies.
Furthermore, nowadays, daily expenses of a family has been rising day-by-day, such as the money spent on groceries, petroleum and so on. In this context, it is hard for a man to run a family with a single job or regular working hours so they are forced to work more. More importantly, unemployment has resulted in minimising wages of most of the works. To exemplify, in India, a nurse's monthly salary is 100 dollar, it is impossible for them to live with this small amount and that’s why the nurse needs to work extra hours and even in days off to earn a bit more.
On the other hand, the platform of family life is interaction, socialisation and communication. When family members do not have enough time to interact each other, there will form a communication gap among them and that ultimately affect family relation. Moreover, as most of the people in a society over work and when they do not have sufficient time for interaction and exchange of ideas. It is evident that, unless the co-operation of society, there will not be an effective development in society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrasing Original: do not have social and family lives Suggested revision: have little time for social and family life Why it matters: This expresses the idea more naturally.
- 2. Plural/general noun Original: due to their hectic life Suggested revision: because of their hectic lifestyles Why it matters: Use plural "lifestyles" when referring to working people generally.
- 3. Direct thesis Original: try to reach a conclusion Suggested revision: explain the main causes and effects Why it matters: Avoid formulaic wording and state the essay purpose directly.
- 4. Concise subject Original: most of the companies and their workers have to face Suggested revision: most companies and their workers face Why it matters: This is more concise and grammatical.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: technologically and ideally advanced Suggested revision: technologically advanced and innovative Why it matters: "Ideally advanced" is not a natural phrase.
- 6. Uncountable noun Original: work overtime with dedications Suggested revision: work overtime with dedication Why it matters: "Dedication" is uncountable here.
- 7. Subject-verb agreement Original: daily expenses of a family has been rising Suggested revision: daily family expenses have been rising Why it matters: The plural subject needs "have".
- 8. Everyday word Original: petroleum Suggested revision: fuel Why it matters: "Fuel" is more natural for household expenses.
- 9. Wrong noun Original: most of the works Suggested revision: most workers Why it matters: The sentence refers to people, not jobs or works.
- 10. Plural noun Original: 100 dollar Suggested revision: 100 dollars Why it matters: Use the plural after a number greater than one.
- 11. Preposition Original: even in days off Suggested revision: even on days off Why it matters: Use "on" with "days off".
- 12. Unnatural metaphor Original: platform of family life Suggested revision: foundation of family life Why it matters: "Foundation" is the standard metaphor.
Suggested Rewrites
- do not have social and family lives have little time for social and family life
- due to their hectic life because of their hectic lifestyles
- try to reach a conclusion explain the main causes and effects
- most of the companies and their workers have to face most companies and their workers face
- technologically and ideally advanced technologically advanced and innovative
- work overtime with dedications work overtime with dedication
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses causes and some effects on family and society, but it does not include a conclusion and the effects section is less developed than the causes. Examples are relevant but need clearer explanation.
Add a final paragraph that directly answers both questions and develop the social effects with one concrete example, such as weaker community trust or reduced civic participation.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear sequence from introduction to causes to effects, but the essay ends abruptly. Some linking is repetitive and the final paragraph contains sentence fragments and unclear connections.
Use a balanced four-paragraph plan: introduction, causes, family effects, social effects plus conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The candidate uses relevant vocabulary about competition, expenses and communication, but collocation errors are frequent: "hectic life", "work overtime with dedications", "works" and "days off" need correction.
Practise common work-life vocabulary: "long working hours", "cost of living", "work-life balance", "family relationships" and "community development".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors with agreement, articles, plurals and sentence boundaries affect clarity. Complex sentences are attempted but are often not fully controlled.
Shorten sentences and check subject-verb agreement, especially after long introductory phrases and plural subjects.