Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the rights to choose not to immunise their children?
Sample Response
In spite of the fact that parents can make their decisions in terms of immunising or not immunising their children from deadly diseases, they have to feel a responsibility to their children. From my point of view, it must not be optional and all children have to be vaccinated.
We all know that children who are less than 6 or 7 age are vulnerable to diseases and should have fatal results or big problems in their forthcoming future life if they are not protected from heinous diseases. Though these childhood illnesses might seem very simple, parents must pay attention to their children who are at these ages. By the way, it must not be voluntary for parents to decide what they must do. It is also the future of the country and the nation in terms of having a strong nation. Namely, children comprise the basis of education in the country, so children have a bulk and vital role in the country in terms of education and future. For this reason, governments have to make something special for that, such as legislations. These sorts of regulations will make parents feel responsible for their children.
Children, who suffer from deadly diseases and get affected by that in future, actually start hating their parents. Think about how sad it would be when a child suffers from physical disability only because his parents decided not to vaccinate him in his childhood? That is something we never want to happen to our nation. Actually, there are also some families who want to immunise their children but haven't got sufficient budget to spend for that. In that way, governments have to undertake immunising such children and assign subsidies for those of children. People haven't got the rights not to vaccinate their children. This is not an option, this is a must. Because it is inhumane for both children and parents who might become the victim of deadly diseases.
To sum up, parents must be responsible for their children and they mustn't choose to immunise or not immunise, that should be a must for parents.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: make their decisions Suggested revision: make decisions Why it matters: The shorter collocation is more natural and precise here.
- 2. Clarify the choice Original: in terms of immunising or not immunising Suggested revision: about whether to immunise Why it matters: This wording expresses the choice more directly and naturally.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: from Suggested revision: against Why it matters: People are immunised against diseases, not immunised from them.
- 4. Use correct collocation Original: feel a responsibility Suggested revision: take responsibility Why it matters: The standard collocation for accepting an obligation is take responsibility.
- 5. Fix age expression Original: less than 6 or 7 age Suggested revision: under six or seven years old Why it matters: English expresses this age range with years old rather than age.
- 6. Clarify the consequence Original: should have fatal results Suggested revision: could suffer fatal consequences Why it matters: Diseases have consequences, while children suffer those consequences.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: forthcoming future life Suggested revision: future lives Why it matters: Forthcoming and future duplicate the same meaning, and lives should agree with children.
- 8. Choose suitable adjective Original: heinous Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Heinous normally describes morally wicked acts rather than illnesses.
- 9. Streamline age reference Original: who are at these ages Suggested revision: at this age Why it matters: The relative clause is unnecessary and this age refers clearly to the stated range.
- 10. Use formal transition Original: By the way Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: By the way signals an aside, whereas this sentence continues the main argument.
- 11. Avoid repeated meaning Original: the country and the nation Suggested revision: the country's future Why it matters: Country and nation are redundant here, and the revision states the intended relationship clearly.
- 12. Fix word combination Original: a bulk and vital role Suggested revision: a vital role Why it matters: Bulk cannot naturally modify role in this expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- make their decisions make decisions
- in terms of immunising or not immunising about whether to immunise
- from against
- feel a responsibility take responsibility
- less than 6 or 7 age under six or seven years old
- should have fatal results could suffer fatal consequences
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response takes a clear, consistent position and offers several relevant reasons, including children's welfare, national interests, and government support for families who cannot afford vaccination. Its main limitation is that several points are repetitive or asserted rather than convincingly explained, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing two well-supported arguments with accurate collocations and cleaner sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons, though some claims remain repetitive, generalised, or insufficiently explained.
Develop fewer main ideas more fully by explaining the causal link between compulsory vaccination and each claimed benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable progression with appropriate paragraphing, but connections within and between ideas are sometimes mechanical or repetitive.
Give each body paragraph one central argument and use referencing and logical sequencing instead of repeatedly restating the position.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows some range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices such as descriptions of diseases, consequences, and subsidies weaken precision.
Use familiar topic-specific collocations accurately and check that each chosen word conveys the intended meaning naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument, although recurring errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Revise sentence boundaries and noun phrases, paying particular attention to articles, prepositions, and grammatically complete clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should parents be obliged to immunise their children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the rights to choose not to immunise their children?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.