Nowadays more people get married to someone of a different culture than they ever did. Why is this happening? Discuss both benefits and demerits of this trend.
Sample Response
In today's globalised world, intercultural marriages are becoming increasingly common. This trend is due to different factors, including increased travel and migration, improved communication technology, and greater cultural acceptance. This trend has both advantages and disadvantages that this essay will outline.
With the advancement of transportation and communication technologies, nowadays, people from different cultures can meet and interact with each other easily. In addition, migration patterns have also contributed to the increase in intercultural marriages. For instance, individuals who move to a foreign country for work or study are likely to interact with people from different cultures and may develop romantic relationships with them. Moreover, there is a growing cultural acceptance of intercultural marriages, with many societies becoming more open-minded and accepting of diversity. This shift in attitudes towards cultural differences has made it easier for people from different backgrounds to form relationships and marry.
Marrying someone from a different culture can bring a range of benefits. One advantage is the opportunity for cross-cultural learning and exchange. By being exposed to new customs and ways of life, individuals in intercultural relationships can gain a deeper understanding and appreciation of different cultures, which can lead to greater tolerance and empathy. Moreover, such marriages can foster a sense of cultural fusion and diversity, which can be enriching for both partners and their families.
However, there are some potential challenges and drawbacks to marriages within different cultures. One issue is the potential for cultural misunderstandings and communication breakdowns. Cultural differences can cause conflicts in the relationship, particularly when it comes to beliefs, values, and customs. For example, differences in religious beliefs or practices can be a source of tension, especially if the couple has different expectations regarding marriage, child-rearing, or lifestyle choices.
In conclusion, the trend of crosscultural marriages is becoming more common in today's society due to increased globalization, technological development and cultural acceptance. While there are potential drawbacks and challenges, it also has many benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Choose precise wording Original: different Suggested revision: several Why it matters: 'Several factors' is more precise and natural when introducing a list of causes.
- 2. Improve parallel wording Original: improved communication technology Suggested revision: advances in communication technology Why it matters: The revision forms a clearer noun phrase alongside the other listed causes.
- 3. Remove redundant linker Original: In addition, migration patterns have also contributed Suggested revision: In addition, migration patterns have contributed Why it matters: 'In addition' already marks the extra point, so 'also' is redundant here.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: a growing cultural acceptance Suggested revision: increasing cultural acceptance Why it matters: 'Increasing acceptance' is the more natural collocation for a change in attitudes.
- 5. Avoid redundant wording Original: more open-minded and accepting of diversity Suggested revision: more open-minded about diversity Why it matters: The revision removes overlapping descriptions while preserving the intended meaning.
- 6. Clarify the benefit Original: a sense of cultural fusion and diversity Suggested revision: cultural exchange and diversity Why it matters: The replacement states the two benefits more directly and avoids the vague phrase 'a sense of'.
- 7. Correct the relationship Original: marriages within different cultures Suggested revision: marriages between people from different cultures Why it matters: The original prepositional phrase does not clearly describe partners from different cultures.
- 8. Use natural wording Original: technological development Suggested revision: advances in technology Why it matters: The plural phrase more naturally refers to the multiple changes that enable intercultural contact.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: This trend has both advantages and disadvantages that this essay will outline. Suggested revision: This essay will outline both the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the sentence a clearer structure and avoids attaching the relative clause awkwardly to 'disadvantages'.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: With the advancement of transportation and communication technologies, nowadays, people from different cultures can meet and interact with each other easily. Suggested revision: Nowadays, advances in transportation and communication technologies allow people from different cultures to meet and interact easily. Why it matters: The revision places the time marker naturally and removes the cumbersome introductory structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- different several
- improved communication technology advances in communication technology
- In addition, migration patterns have also contributed In addition, migration patterns have contributed
- a growing cultural acceptance increasing cultural acceptance
- more open-minded and accepting of diversity more open-minded about diversity
- a sense of cultural fusion and diversity cultural exchange and diversity
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a comprehensive, well-organised treatment of the causes, benefits, and drawbacks of intercultural marriage, with relevant explanations and a consistently clear progression. Its main limitation is a small amount of repetition and a few imprecise expressions near the end. The best improvement would be to sharpen the conclusion into a more precise synthesis and vary repeated references to cultures, differences, and marriages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are directly addressed with relevant, well-developed explanations of causes, advantages, and disadvantages.
Make the conclusion more evaluative by synthesising the relative significance of the benefits and drawbacks rather than merely restating them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced into focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring progression.
Reduce minor repetition between topic sentences and supporting sentences to make the progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise across the topic, with only occasional awkwardness such as "marriages within different cultures" and the spelling "crosscultural".
Polish occasional collocations and compound-word forms while varying repeated topic vocabulary where natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, with only rare minor lapses in reference and punctuation.
Check pronoun reference in the conclusion so singular and plural ideas remain consistently matched.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays more people get married to someone of a different culture than they ever did. Why is this happening? Discuss both benefits and demerits of this trend.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.