There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones?
Sample Response
It is believed that the existence of cellular phone technology has created social, medical and technical problems for individuals and societies. I personally disagree with the thought, if people think that there are more disadvantages than the advantages of cell phones and the following essay will discuss this issue in details.
To begin with, it is true that the development of mobile phone technology has created some problems for human kinds. Firstly, many people believe that the wireless phone technology has made people become more individualistic. In the most common case, many families are having communication problems these days, due to each member of the family are busy with their devices. Secondly, it has been reported that the wireless technology has some negative effects on our health. Many scientists believe that the technology has become one of the contributors to human's brain damage and trigger brain cancer as well. Thirdly, it has been reported that some people have been injured due the technical problems of the phone itself. There have been cases where the battery of the phone had exploded when it was used to make phone calls, and it caused serious injuries to the user. Despite all the social, medical and technical problems of mobile phones, I do believe that the existence of the device brings a lot of benefits for human beings. Mobile phones can be used to connect to a specific person, though the person might be travelling to other places. And then, with the various function of mobile phone technology nowadays, it can be used to send and received important emails. Besides that, with the chatting application that could be installed on the phones, it has made distance communication become cheaper. And last but not the least, the phone can also be used as a navigation system to find a new area or new address. In conclusion, it is true that handheld phone technology has caused some problems for mankind, but I disagree with the opinion that the problem of these phones outweighs the benefits. I do believe that mobile phone has assisted the human being in various ways and it is the irresponsible act of humans themselves that has caused the problem.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the uncountable noun Original: problems for human kinds Suggested revision: problems for humankind Why it matters: “Humankind” is an uncountable collective noun written as one word.
- 2. Remove the redundant verb Original: has made people become Suggested revision: has made people Why it matters: The causative construction “make someone” takes the adjective directly without “become.”
- 3. Remove the article Original: the wireless technology has some Suggested revision: wireless technology has some Why it matters: “Wireless technology” is used generally here and does not take the definite article.
- 4. Clarify the health effect Original: contributors to human's brain damage Suggested revision: contributors to brain damage in humans Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the natural construction for a condition affecting people.
- 5. Fix agreement and modality Original: and trigger brain cancer Suggested revision: and may trigger brain cancer Why it matters: The singular subject requires an agreeing verb, while “may” accurately preserves the claim as a possibility.
- 6. Add the missing preposition Original: the Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The fixed causal phrase is “due to,” and the general plural needs no article.
- 7. Fix the benefit preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Something provides or brings benefits “to” the people who receive them.
- 8. Use a direct verb Original: connect to a specific person Suggested revision: contact a specific person Why it matters: “Contact” directly expresses reaching another person by phone.
- 9. Use a formal transition Original: And then Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: “Furthermore” links the next benefit formally and avoids beginning with an unnecessary conjunction.
- 10. Use the plural noun Original: function Suggested revision: functions Why it matters: “Various” requires the plural countable noun “functions.”
- 11. Use parallel verb forms Original: received Suggested revision: receive Why it matters: The two verbs governed by “to” must both use the base form.
- 12. Use a natural linker Original: Besides that Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: “In addition” is the natural formal transition for adding another benefit.
Suggested Rewrites
- problems for human kinds problems for humankind
- has made people become has made people
- the wireless technology has some wireless technology has some
- contributors to human's brain damage contributors to brain damage in humans
- and trigger brain cancer and may trigger brain cancer
- the to
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both questions directly, maintains a clear position, and supports it with a relevant range of social, medical, technical, and practical points. Its main limitation is that these points are mostly listed rather than fully analysed, while the single overloaded body paragraph weakens presentation. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the problems and benefits into distinct paragraphs and develop the comparison between them more explicitly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and all parts of the task are addressed with relevant supporting points, though development is sometimes general.
Explain more precisely why the stated benefits outweigh the problems instead of relying mainly on separate lists.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has clear overall progression, but mechanical sequencing and one very long body paragraph weaken the organisation.
Separate the problems, benefits, and final judgement into logically focused paragraphs with smoother transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, although several word forms and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Improve precision in phrases such as references to humanity, communication, and technological effects, and check word forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the ideas clearly, but agreement, articles, clauses, and verb forms contain recurring errors.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and accurate verb patterns, especially in longer sentences with subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.