There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones?
Sample Response
Mobile phone using has become a very common phenomenon and people mostly depend on this cell phone for communication. The cell phone is probably the most accepted and widely used communication device than any other communication device of the past time. Though cell phone causes many healths related problem as well as social and other problems but I can't agree with the idea that it outweighs the benefits.
I believe people, from all levels of the society, never accept a technology that is not hugely beneficial. There are many communication Medias but none is as efficient and as live as a mobile phone. Moreover, the recent technological advancement has made the cell phone something more than a talking device. With a cell phone we can use the Internet, can play games, can store our memory by taking pictures and videos and can instantly share those memories with friends and relatives. And using those technologies cost us a very little in term of cell phone and network providers cost. We can talk to our friends and family members as much as we want because of the low cost of these cell phones and I guess that has increased our social affairs. Finally, the cell phone communications have helped to raise many small and medium level businesses in all over the world and have engaged a large portion of the population to be employed.
Though I agree that, there are lots of adverse effects of using the cell phones. Drivers using cell phones while driving is a common cause of road accidents and overuse of cell phones can cause many diseases, from severe headaches to incurable cancers. The easy access to cell phones has violated our privacy and helped the criminals to be more organised.
But I believe that those negative effects can be overcome if all of we become a little more cautious and be aware of the negative issues of overuse of cell phone using. Since we can't stop using the cell phone and find and alternative and it is easily possible to reduce the negative effects of cell phone using, I strongly opine that cell phone is a very useful device to all of us in spite of its some remediable problems.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the noun form Original: using Suggested revision: use Why it matters: “Use” is the correct noun for the general activity.
- 2. Use a general plural Original: depend on this cell phone Suggested revision: depend on mobile phones Why it matters: The general claim about people requires the plural noun rather than a single demonstrative phone.
- 3. Remove the article Original: all levels of the society Suggested revision: all levels of society Why it matters: “Society” is used without “the” when it refers generally to the social system.
- 4. Use the correct term Original: communication Medias Suggested revision: forms of communication Why it matters: “Media” is already plural, and “forms of communication” fits the intended meaning more naturally.
- 5. Choose precise wording Original: live Suggested revision: immediate Why it matters: “Immediate” describes rapid interactive communication more accurately than “live.”
- 6. Use precise wording Original: a talking device Suggested revision: a voice-communication device Why it matters: The revised phrase states the original function of a phone more precisely.
- 7. Remove the article Original: cost us a very little Suggested revision: cost us very little Why it matters: The uncountable quantity expression “very little” does not take “a.”
- 8. Use the plural phrase Original: term Suggested revision: terms Why it matters: The fixed expression is “in terms of.”
- 9. Use formal wording Original: I guess that Suggested revision: this affordability Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase replaces an informal personal aside and clarifies the cause.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: increased our social affairs Suggested revision: strengthened our social connections Why it matters: “Strengthen social connections” naturally describes improved contact with friends and family.
- 11. Fix number agreement Original: the cell phone communications have Suggested revision: mobile phone communication has Why it matters: “Communication” is uncountable in this general sense and takes a singular verb.
- 12. Use the standard term Original: medium level businesses Suggested revision: medium-sized businesses Why it matters: The conventional business-size term is “medium-sized.”
Suggested Rewrites
- using use
- depend on this cell phone depend on mobile phones
- all levels of the society all levels of society
- communication Medias forms of communication
- live immediate
- a talking device a voice-communication device
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, sustained judgment that mobile phones’ communication, convenience and economic benefits outweigh manageable harms. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage of the first question: medical and social problems are identified, but no distinct technical problem is explained, and several health claims are unsupported. Prioritise adding a specific technical drawback and comparing the severity of each problem with the benefits using credible reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant benefits and harms are discussed, but technical problems are omitted and some negative claims lack credible support.
Add and develop a technical issue such as unreliable connectivity, battery limitations, or data-security vulnerabilities, then weigh it explicitly against a benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four paragraphs create a generally logical progression from position to benefits, harms, and conclusion, although repetition and awkward contrast markers weaken flow.
Use precise topic sentences for benefits and the three problem categories, and avoid beginning incomplete clauses with “Though” or relying repeatedly on “But.”
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for communication, health, privacy, and business, but frequent inaccurate forms and collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as “mobile-phone use,” “health-related problems,” “communication media,” “affordable services,” and “small and medium-sized businesses.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, clause linking, and word forms remain noticeable.
Correct paired conjunctions and agreement, especially “although...,” rather than “though... but,” and “drivers using phones are a common cause.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.