School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
Music makes mind pleasant, music makes a person’s mind rejuvenated relieved and de-stressed. Inculcating music from childhood days develops a good impact on one's mindset as the child grows, so it is good that music is made a part of schooling subject in school. If we consider the benefits of listening and practising music, it is surprising to note that music rejuvenates and refreshes minds of people. Music soothes a soul which in want for some peace, it is also said that music heals and changes attitudes of a person. Apart from the personal benefits, the music changed people’s lives. Many contemporary musicians developed their native music in such a way that we sing and hum to their tunes though it might not be understandable by us. For example, the music series by “The Corrs” especially the feathers made us feel the essence of music. Musicians who opted music as their career developed themselves as Icons and for them the sky is the no limit for their achievements. If music is nurtured from childhood days, their attitudes develop and even their gentleness develops making them as gentlemen and women. Apart from the personal benefits, if the music is learned from the beginning we could see in future many musicians who could do wonders with music. As far as my opinion is concerned music should be a part of subjects and should be taught and practised right from the childhood days, further I completely disagree that money and time spent on music is a waste. Though importance has to be given to the science and computers, a music class does not steal the scientific and computing knowledge out of child’s curriculum and mind Finally, I conclude that spending time and money on music is never a waste, in fact, it helps in aiding children’s mind in absorbing the scientific and computing aspects which are cumbersome.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural possession Original: refreshes minds of people Suggested revision: refreshes people's minds Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise and idiomatic.
- 2. Repair relative clause Original: a soul which in want for some peace Suggested revision: a person who wants some peace Why it matters: The original relative clause lacks a verb and uses the wrong preposition.
- 3. Use natural possession Original: changes attitudes of a person Suggested revision: changes a person's attitude Why it matters: The possessive construction is the natural way to express whose attitude changes.
- 4. Correct tense and article Original: the music changed people’s lives Suggested revision: music has changed people's lives Why it matters: The general noun needs no article, and the present perfect connects past influence to the present.
- 5. Clarify musical tradition Original: developed their native music Suggested revision: developed their native musical traditions Why it matters: Musical traditions states more clearly what the musicians developed.
- 6. Clarify reference Original: though it might not be understandable by us Suggested revision: even when we may not understand it Why it matters: The active clause gives the pronouns a clearer relationship.
- 7. Correct verb pattern Original: opted Suggested revision: chose Why it matters: Choose takes a direct object, whereas opt would require for.
- 8. Use natural expression Original: developed themselves as Icons Suggested revision: became icons Why it matters: Became icons expresses the change of status directly and avoids unnecessary capitalization.
- 9. Correct fixed expression Original: the sky is the no limit for their achievements Suggested revision: the sky is the limit to their achievements Why it matters: The fixed expression is the sky is the limit.
- 10. Clarify pronoun reference Original: their Suggested revision: children's Why it matters: The explicit noun removes the unclear reference of their.
- 11. Use natural predicate Original: their gentleness develops Suggested revision: they become gentler Why it matters: Become gentler is a natural way to describe this personal change.
- 12. Correct complement pattern Original: making them as gentlemen and women Suggested revision: helping them become considerate adults Why it matters: Help takes the bare infinitive become and the revision avoids the faulty as construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- refreshes minds of people refreshes people's minds
- a soul which in want for some peace a person who wants some peace
- changes attitudes of a person changes a person's attitude
- the music changed people’s lives music has changed people's lives
- developed their native music developed their native musical traditions
- though it might not be understandable by us even when we may not understand it
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest aspect is its unequivocal position and sustained effort to explain the personal and educational value of music. Its main limitation is that the discussion is repetitive, loosely organized in one long paragraph, and only briefly addresses the proposed priority for science and technology. The highest-priority improvement is to structure distinct paragraphs that compare curricular priorities and develop each claim with precise, credible support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer clearly disagrees and supplies several relevant benefits of music, but development is repetitive and the competing curricular priority receives limited analysis.
Directly compare music with science and technology, explaining why funding music remains justified rather than repeatedly listing general benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The central position is traceable, but the single long paragraph, repeated ideas, and weak sentence boundaries make progression difficult in places.
Use an introduction, separate body paragraphs for personal and curricular benefits, and a concise conclusion with controlled transitions.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss education and music, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise expressions weaken clarity.
Replace phrases such as 'schooling subject,' 'opted music,' and 'the sky is the no limit' with natural, precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent run-ons, missing punctuation, agreement problems, and malformed relative clauses reduce accuracy.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check clause boundaries, articles, possessives, and subject-verb agreement throughout.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.