Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
We are usually made to learn a wide variety of subjects in our school. We practice Math for computational skills and again have to memorise past events as part of world history. Within all this, schools have made provisions for recreational activities such as musical classes. However, not every person finds such musical classes beneficial for a child.
I believe music can be an exemplary form of relaxation in the midst of a competitive school environment. Back during my high school days, I used to feel over-burdened by all the lessons in a day. I used to fervently wait for my ECA classes where we were taught how to play the cello. I still remember how every chord I used to play, removed the chaos from my mind and refreshed me. Moreover, not every student in a class aspires to be a scientist or an engineer. There are always those few, who want to dip their talent in the soothing tunes of music. Otherwise, we would never have had composers like Beethoven or even Myles Kennedy. So, those music classes could be the stepping ground for many a Barba Streisand. Many people might argue that such classes would distract a student from their homework or project work or would take up additional time that could have been better utilised for mainstream subjects. However, I remember our school used to space our music classes in between major lessons with its duration strictly being similar to other classes. Most of my classmates used to comment on how, after our music lessons, they used to feel more invigorated or inspired to tackle their homework. So such a measure by every school could dissipate such misgivings.
Hence, it can be concluded that the time and money spent behind music would benefit a child much more than utilising all their resources only behind mainstream subjects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard term Original: musical Suggested revision: music Why it matters: Music classes is the standard term for lessons in music.
- 2. Remove redundant wording Original: Back during my high school days Suggested revision: During my high school years Why it matters: Back, during, and days overlap in meaning, so the shorter phrase is clearer.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: fervently Suggested revision: eagerly Why it matters: Eagerly wait naturally expresses positive anticipation, whereas fervently is awkward here.
- 4. Remove subject-verb comma Original: play, removed Suggested revision: play removed Why it matters: A comma should not separate the subject clause from its verb.
- 5. Remove restrictive comma Original: those few, who Suggested revision: those few who Why it matters: The relative clause identifies which students are meant, so it should not be separated by a comma.
- 6. Fix talent collocation Original: dip their talent in Suggested revision: develop their talent through Why it matters: Develop talent through music conveys the intended meaning naturally.
- 7. Use correct expression Original: the stepping ground Suggested revision: a starting point Why it matters: Starting point is the natural expression for an initial opportunity to develop.
- 8. Correct name spelling Original: Barba Suggested revision: Barbra Why it matters: The first name is misspelled.
- 9. Use precise scheduling verb Original: space our music classes in between Suggested revision: schedule our music classes between Why it matters: Schedule is the appropriate verb for placing classes within a timetable.
- 10. Fix reference and comparison Original: with its duration strictly being similar to other classes Suggested revision: with the same duration as other classes Why it matters: The original phrase has an unclear singular pronoun and an unnecessarily awkward comparison.
- 11. Fix spending collocation Original: spent behind music Suggested revision: spent on music education Why it matters: Money and time are spent on an activity, not behind it.
- 12. Use correct preposition Original: only behind mainstream subjects Suggested revision: solely to mainstream subjects Why it matters: Resources are devoted to subjects, and solely expresses the intended restriction naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- musical music
- Back during my high school days During my high school years
- fervently eagerly
- play, removed play removed
- those few, who those few who
- dip their talent in develop their talent through
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear, well-supported case for music education, using vivid personal experience, a broader point about musical talent, and a direct answer to the opposing concern about time. The main weakness is occasional over-elaborate or unnatural wording, alongside a body paragraph that carries too many stages. The best improvement is to separate the benefits into focused paragraphs and choose more precise, idiomatic expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is fully clear and the main benefits are relevant, extended, and supported with specific examples and a considered counterargument.
Strengthen the case further by making the link between school provision and long-term musical development more explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically with effective referencing and contrast, although the long central paragraph combines several distinct ideas.
Give relaxation, talent development, and the response to the opposing view their own focused paragraphing or clearly separated stages.
Lexical Resource
A broad and often effective vocabulary conveys ideas vividly, but several over-ornate or inaccurate collocations sound unnatural.
Prefer idiomatic phrases such as develop musical talent, provide a foundation, and money spent on music education.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally well controlled, with occasional punctuation, reference, and structural errors that do not impede meaning.
Edit unnecessary commas and check that pronouns and possessives refer consistently to singular or plural nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that music lesson in schools is very important for the children while others oppose this idea. They say that the time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary and children should focus on more important subjects like science, math and computer rather than wasting time in music lessons. Which point of view do you agree with? Why? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.