It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs, dodos, etc.). There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some today argue that humanity should not interfere with the extinction of other species. In my opinion, this was a more legitimate argument in the past, when mankind was not the primary driving force behind this phenomenon.
Throughout history, extinction has been part of natural selection and evolution. Creatures such as the dinosaurs disappeared due to a likely cataclysmic event, but in more recent history, less adaptable species have also gone extinct. Humanity, in these cases, played either no role or one commensurate with the rest of nature. This can be seen as necessary to the work of nature. Certain species develop and prosper, while other ones do not and perish. A modern, compassionate public might view this as inhumane, but the indifferent cruelty in nature has served the historic purpose of maintaining a healthy, thriving, and diverse ecosystem.
However, contemporary human dominance must be accompanied by a larger share of responsibility. Mankind is no longer one animal among many, but the dominant species whose actions affect the majority of other animals. The most pertinent examples of this relate to deforestation and climate change. In order to sustain booming populations, production has stripped bare sections of the earth, decimating natural habitats and plunging thousands of species to the brink of extinction. The causal role of human industry necessitates taking responsibility. Moreover, there are simple steps that could be taken to preserve species and curb the effects of human progress. If countries collectively committed to moderate conservation efforts, then the earth could be restored to a more natural equilibrium.
In conclusion, though humanity was not at fault for past extinctions, the current influence of industry means that we should now take responsibility for biological diversity. Once a species disappears, it will never return.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural subject phrase Original: Some today argue Suggested revision: Some people today argue Why it matters: Adding “people” makes the opening subject sound more natural and precise.
- 2. Concise time phrase Original: in more recent history Suggested revision: in recent history Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same time reference more naturally.
- 3. Clarify the comparison Original: one commensurate with the rest of nature Suggested revision: a role comparable to other natural forces Why it matters: The revision makes the comparison between humanity and natural forces easier to understand.
- 4. Improve the collocation Original: necessary to the work of nature Suggested revision: part of natural processes Why it matters: “Part of natural processes” is a more idiomatic way to describe extinction in nature.
- 5. Use the pronoun Original: other ones Suggested revision: others Why it matters: “Others” is the natural pronoun for contrasting the remaining species.
- 6. Tighten the phrasing Original: indifferent cruelty in nature Suggested revision: nature’s indifference Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended idea more concisely and avoids a heavy noun phrase.
- 7. Choose the precise adjective Original: historic purpose Suggested revision: historical role Why it matters: “Historical role” more precisely describes a function operating over time.
- 8. Use a direct collocation Original: a larger share of responsibility Suggested revision: greater responsibility Why it matters: “Greater responsibility” is the more direct and conventional collocation here.
- 9. Match the extinction focus Original: the majority of other animals Suggested revision: most other species Why it matters: “Species” maintains the essay’s focus on extinction more precisely than “animals.”
- 10. Avoid positive connotation Original: progress Suggested revision: activity Why it matters: “Human activity” neutrally identifies the cause without implying that its harmful effects are progress.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The causal role of human industry necessitates taking responsibility. Suggested revision: Because human industry contributes to extinction, humanity must take responsibility. Why it matters: The rewrite states the causal relationship with a clear subject and a more natural verb structure.
- 12. Strengthen the final link Suggested revision: Use the final sentence to connect the preceding examples of natural extinction directly to the claim about ecosystem balance. Why it matters: A clearer link would make the paragraph’s progression from examples to its concluding claim easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- Some today argue Some people today argue
- in more recent history in recent history
- one commensurate with the rest of nature a role comparable to other natural forces
- necessary to the work of nature part of natural processes
- other ones others
- indifferent cruelty in nature nature’s indifference
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its mature, clearly sustained position, supported by a persuasive distinction between natural historical extinction and modern human-caused losses. Its main limitation is that some claims about ecological balance and conservation remain broad rather than concretely substantiated. The highest-priority improvement is to add a specific contemporary example showing how a practical conservation measure can counter a demonstrably human-driven extinction threat.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the proposition through a clear, nuanced position and well-developed reasoning about natural and human-driven extinction.
Strengthen the argument further with one precise real-world example of a human-caused threat and an effective conservation response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from historical context to modern responsibility, with clear paragraphing and well-managed cohesive links.
Make the transition from human responsibility to proposed conservation action slightly more explicit to sharpen the final stage of the argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, precise, and natural overall, with effective choices such as ‘commensurate,’ ‘decimating,’ and ‘equilibrium.’
Refine the few less natural expressions, such as ‘the work of nature’ and ‘other ones,’ to achieve consistently idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with strong control of subordination and punctuation.
Continue varying sentence openings and clause patterns while preserving the same high level of grammatical accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs, dodos, etc.). There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.