In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry?
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
It has become a debatable issue in Indonesia—whetherIndonesia- whether more landlands should be converted into real estate and commercial areas or whether the government should preserveor should the government preserve and maintain the natural areas. The following essay will discuss both views, but in my opinion, we shouldcould expand new residential areas, but itresidential areas but it should be carefully planned and properly implementedaccurately measured and properly executed.
For a number of reasons, the government of Indonesia should conserve some of itsits' natural areas. Firstly, these green areas produceare producing oxygen which is an important part of human respirationthe human respiration. As the number of trees and plants isare decreasing, it might have a negative effect on the air quality. Secondly, the existence of the green areas can prevent some natural disasters such as floodsflood and erosion. One example would be the annual flood disasterOne of the examples would the annual flood disaster in Jakarta, which was caused by the conversion of mangroveMangrove forests in the suburb of Kapuk into residential areas.
On the other hand, Indonesia has experienced significant growtha significant growth in termsterm of its population. The density level and congestion issue become a major issue in some townsfor some the towns and cities in the country. As a consequence, the demand for new housing, commercial and industrial areas has increased rapidlyareas increased rapidly in the past few years. Therefore, it is understandable that the government is converting some natural landsome the natural lands into residential areas.
In conclusion, it is true that the government of Indonesia should preserve some of the natural areas, but due to the significant growth of the population, they should expand some residential and industrial land as well. FromIn my point of view, I do agree that the government should expand housing and commercial areas in the future, but they should implement this policy properlyexecute it in the proper way. It should be expanded proportionately and with cautious measurement, to ensure that the portion of natural and residential areas have a balance.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, balanced position and supports conservation with relevant Indonesian examples, while maintaining a logical paragraph structure. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in grammar and collocation, alongside somewhat thinner development of the case for construction. The highest-priority improvement is to control articles, agreement, and noun forms while explaining more precisely how measured development would balance environmental and housing needs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both land-use needs, maintains a clear qualified preference for development, and supports conservation with a specific example.
Develop the housing and industry argument as fully as the conservation case, especially how and where expansion should occur.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates clear progression, although linking is sometimes mechanical and ideas are occasionally repeated.
Use more varied internal transitions and make each conclusion sentence advance the argument instead of restating the same balance.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate topic-specific range, but frequent collocation and word-form problems reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as cautious measurement with natural land-use collocations and check singular, plural, and possessive forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument clearly, but article, agreement, and clause-construction errors recur.
Prioritize accurate articles and subject-verb agreement, then proofread complex sentences for missing words and faulty clause patterns.