Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Many scientists believe that genetic characteristics have more influence on the human’s personality than some experiences in life. Although genetics has some effect on our characters, I believe that the influence of life experience is more significant, and the following essay will discuss this in details. On the one hand, it is true that everyone is unique, as they are born with different characteristics. While some people are born with an easy going character, others might be born with a melancholic one. People could not choose their genetic characters, and these characters will develop more as they get adults. Therefore many experts believe that genetic characters have a significant effect on a person’s identity. On the other hand, other people believe that experiences in life have more influence in our life than genetic characters. Communities, family condition, education and work experiences have a deeper effect on a person’s character. For example, a person might be born as a sanguine person, but raise in a broken home family. As a consequence, he could become a pessimistic person when he grew up. Another example is that a man might be a positive person, but as he spent so much time with negative friends, he could become as just one them. In conclusion, I agree that genetic characters have some influence on a person’s personality, but I think that life experiences are giving more significant influence to our personality. Therefore it is important for us to be selective in choosing the place to live, workplace and friends.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the incorrect article Original: the human’s personality Suggested revision: human personality Why it matters: Human personality is used generically here and does not take the definite article or possessive form.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: some experiences in life Suggested revision: life experiences Why it matters: Life experiences conveys the same idea more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Match subject and verb Original: genetics has Suggested revision: genetic factors have Why it matters: The plural phrase genetic factors requires the plural verb have.
- 4. Use the intended noun Original: our characters Suggested revision: our personalities Why it matters: Personalities is the natural term for the individual traits discussed in the essay.
- 5. Use the plural form Original: life experience is Suggested revision: life experiences are Why it matters: The general category is naturally plural here and therefore requires are.
- 6. Correct the fixed phrase Original: in details Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: The fixed expression in detail uses the singular noun.
- 7. Use present-time modality Original: People could not choose Suggested revision: People cannot choose Why it matters: Cannot is needed for a general present fact rather than a past or hypothetical situation.
- 8. Use precise terminology Original: their genetic characters Suggested revision: their inherited characteristics Why it matters: Inherited characteristics expresses the genetic meaning more accurately than genetic characters.
- 9. Clarify trait development Original: these characters will develop more Suggested revision: these traits may become more pronounced Why it matters: The revision states the intended change in personality traits more naturally and precisely.
- 10. Correct the verb phrase Original: get adults Suggested revision: become adults Why it matters: Become adults is the standard expression for reaching adulthood.
- 11. Punctuate the linker Original: Therefore many Suggested revision: Therefore, many Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory linking adverb Therefore.
- 12. Correct the influence phrase Original: experiences in life have more influence in our life Suggested revision: life experiences have more influence on us Why it matters: Influence takes the preposition on, and the revision avoids repeating life.
Suggested Rewrites
- the human’s personality human personality
- some experiences in life life experiences
- genetics has genetic factors have
- our characters our personalities
- life experience is life experiences are
- in details in detail
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear answer and supports the greater influence of experience with relevant contrasts and examples. Its main weakness is presentation and language control: the entire essay is unparagraphised, while recurring grammar and collocation errors make several points awkward despite generally clear meaning. The most useful improvement is to separate the argument into logical paragraphs and revise inaccurate verb patterns and word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both inherited traits and life experience are discussed with relevant supporting examples.
Develop the genetics argument more fully and explain more precisely why the experience examples prove it is the stronger influence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical overall sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks significantly weakens organisation and readability.
Separate the introduction, the two contrasting arguments, and the conclusion into distinct, purpose-led paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common personality terms, though recurrent collocation and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Learn accurate combinations such as influence on, raised in, become like them, and as they grow older.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the main meaning, but errors in verb forms, prepositions, and clause construction recur.
Review participle and tense choices in example sentences, especially forms such as raised, grew, and has spent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.