Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
Musculoskeletal disordersMuscle and skeleton diseases are prevalent among office workers. According to orthopaedic specialistsAccording to orthopedicians, causesreasons of these disorders include poor posture, lack of movementwrong posture, lacking movement or repeated movements. As an office worker myself who sufferssuffer from severe muscle pain, I fullytotally agree with the doctors and in this essay, I will examine the reasons and suggest some measures to addressfight them. First and foremost, the main reason for these disorders is poor posturethe wrong posture. Office workers spend most of their timetimes looking at computer screenslooking at the computer screen with their hands resting on the keyboardtheir hand sticking on the keyboard and leaning forwardsonwards. Sitting in such a positionSitting in such position can cause the cartilage between two vertebrae to shiftcause the cartilage between two vertebras shift and this condition is known as a very painful disease that can even lead to paralysis from a herniated discparalyzation - a hernia. However, this problem can easily be avoided by adopting proper sitting techniques that can be found on the internet and learned from an orthopedician. Secondly, lack of movement and repetitive motionslacking movement and repeated movements can also contribute tobe accountable for these diseases. Force applied on same bones at same angles or same bones rubbing each other frequently due to same repeated actions can have an abrasive impact on cartilages and this condition is known as calcification. To combat this disease, office workers should walkstroll around regularly, stretch their muscles and jointsbones and refrain from repeated movements. My personal conclusion is that muscle and skeleton disorders are inevitable for all office workers who are not aware of proper sitting and overdo some movements. However, measures to combat these problems are communicateddivulged to the public by orthopedicians and they should be carried out by everyone.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay takes a clear position and develops relevant links between sedentary office work, posture, repetitive movement, and musculoskeletal problems, while suggesting practical preventive measures. Its strongest feature is the concrete workplace focus; the main limitation is that several medical explanations and terms are inaccurate or overstated, and the response lacks paragraphing. The priority is to use reliable health evidence, distinguish sedentary behaviour from posture or repetition, and organize the argument into focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant causes and solutions are developed, but medical claims about hernias, paralysis, calcification, and inevitability are inaccurate or insufficiently supported.
Explain the health effects conservatively with reliable evidence and focus directly on how prolonged sitting contributes to musculoskeletal and metabolic problems.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses from posture to repetitive movement and prevention, but presenting the full essay as one paragraph weakens the organization of distinct ideas.
Use separate introduction, posture, inactivity and repetition, and conclusion paragraphs, with solutions integrated into the relevant body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant medical and workplace vocabulary is used, but frequent inaccurate terms and collocations reduce precision and credibility.
Use “musculoskeletal disorders,” “orthopaedic specialists,” “lack of movement,” “poor posture,” “spinal discs,” and “repetitive strain” accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, plurals, verb patterns, and complex clause construction reduce control.
Check forms such as “an office worker who suffers,” “most of their time,” “can cause a disc to shift,” and “repeated movement contributes.”