Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?
Sample Response
Generally speaking that older generation over sixty-five years old can do certain activities and can contribute to a great extent. I am quite sure that they could participate in some activities not only in the formal range but also in the informal area. I will outline two ways in which people can benefit fromget benefits of this interest.
Becoming involved in special family occasionsfamily’s special occasions is one of the ways in which the elderly can contribute. Older female relativesThe woman older relatives could share traditional recipesthe recipes of traditional meals and the men could share their opinions and interests in traditional games that they played in the pastused to play in the past. Hence, the younger relatives may be happier because they may feelwill be happier because they might feel more complete. A married coupleThe marriage couple could get some tips on how to build a happy family from their older relativesfrom them. Gathering with allwhole family members can increase happiness.
Another way is the elderly can participate in the school. For instance, the school can contact local retired people to sharefor sharing their experiences with pupilstheir experience to pupils. I am quite sure that the children will be fascinated by older people’s storiesthe older people’s story about the circumstances in the past. They could give information about the important links between life in the past and the presentthe vital links between previous live and present time. In additionOn the other hand, children can ask their grandparents to replace their parentsask their grandparents for replacing their parents, because families are now more mobiledue to families now more mobile, on career days.
Some professions like teaching, research, writing, mentoring requirerequires experience and the older people can contribute toin these professions. For instance, an old professor can be a great resource for the research department in a college or university.
In short, the older generation can bring some benefits to society. As our life expectancy improves, the need for the older generation's contribution should also increasealso should be increased. Making elderly more active in society not only bring positive impact for them, but also for the young generation.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay offers several relevant ways older people can benefit families, schools, and experience-based professions, and its paragraph sequence is easy to recognise. Its main limitation is that explanations are sometimes brief or unclear, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each social benefit through a clear cause-and-effect explanation written in simpler, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with several relevant contributions, but some benefits are only briefly or vaguely explained.
For each contribution, explain specifically how society gains and support that link with one focused example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in recognisable thematic paragraphs with generally clear progression, although some transitions are mechanical or inaccurate.
Use topic sentences that name each social benefit and remove contrast markers where no genuine contrast follows.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce clarity and naturalness.
Use precise phrases such as older female relatives, married couples, past and present, and benefit from.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Build shorter complete sentences and check subject-verb agreement before adding complex clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.