Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?
Sample Response
Generally speaking that older generation over sixty-five years old can do certain activities and can contribute to a great extent. I am quite sure that they could participate in some activities not only in the formal range but also in the informal area. I will outline two ways in which people can get benefits of this interest.
Becoming involved in family’s special occasions is one of the ways in which the elderly can contribute. The woman older relatives could share the recipes of traditional meals and the men could share their opinions and interests in traditional games that they used to play in the past. Hence, the younger relatives will be happier because they might feel more complete. The marriage couple could get some tips on how to build a happy family from them. Gathering with whole family members can increase happiness.
Another way is the elderly can participate in the school. For instance, the school can contact local retired people for sharing their experience to pupils. I am quite sure that the children will be fascinated by the older people’s story about the circumstances in the past. They could give information about the vital links between previous live and present time. On the other hand, children can ask their grandparents for replacing their parents, due to families now more mobile, on career days.
Some professions like teaching, research, writing, mentoring requires experience and the older people can contribute in these professions. For instance, an old professor can be a great resource for the research department in a college or university.
In short, the older generation can bring some benefits to society. As our life expectancy improves, the need for the older generation's contribution also should be increased. Making elderly more active in society not only bring positive impact for them, but also for the young generation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct collocation Original: get benefits of Suggested revision: benefit from Why it matters: The verb phrase is “benefit from,” not “get benefits of,” in this structure.
- 2. Use natural word order Original: family’s special occasions Suggested revision: special family occasions Why it matters: This word order is the natural way to describe important events involving the family.
- 3. Correct the noun phrase Original: The woman older relatives Suggested revision: Older female relatives Why it matters: “Woman” cannot modify the plural noun phrase in this position.
- 4. Use a concise collocation Original: the recipes of traditional meals Suggested revision: traditional recipes Why it matters: This is the natural and concise expression for recipes passed down through a family.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: used to play in the past Suggested revision: played in the past Why it matters: “Used to” already refers to a past habit, so combining it with “in the past” is repetitive.
- 6. Align the modal verbs Original: will be happier because they might feel Suggested revision: may be happier because they may feel Why it matters: Using matching modal certainty creates a consistent cause-and-effect claim.
- 7. Choose the correct phrase Original: The marriage couple Suggested revision: A married couple Why it matters: “Marriage couple” is not a standard English noun phrase.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: from them Suggested revision: from their older relatives Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes uncertainty about who would provide the advice.
- 9. Correct the family phrase Original: whole Suggested revision: all Why it matters: “All” is needed to refer to every member of the family.
- 10. Use the infinitive Original: for sharing Suggested revision: to share Why it matters: An infinitive correctly expresses the purpose of contacting retired people.
- 11. Correct number and preposition Original: their experience to pupils Suggested revision: their experiences with pupils Why it matters: People share experiences “with” others, and the plural suits contributions from several retirees.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: the older people’s story Suggested revision: older people’s stories Why it matters: Multiple older people would be expected to share multiple accounts.
Suggested Rewrites
- get benefits of benefit from
- family’s special occasions special family occasions
- The woman older relatives Older female relatives
- the recipes of traditional meals traditional recipes
- used to play in the past played in the past
- will be happier because they might feel may be happier because they may feel
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay offers several relevant ways older people can benefit families, schools, and experience-based professions, and its paragraph sequence is easy to recognise. Its main limitation is that explanations are sometimes brief or unclear, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each social benefit through a clear cause-and-effect explanation written in simpler, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question with several relevant contributions, but some benefits are only briefly or vaguely explained.
For each contribution, explain specifically how society gains and support that link with one focused example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in recognisable thematic paragraphs with generally clear progression, although some transitions are mechanical or inaccurate.
Use topic sentences that name each social benefit and remove contrast markers where no genuine contrast follows.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce clarity and naturalness.
Use precise phrases such as older female relatives, married couples, past and present, and benefit from.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Build shorter complete sentences and check subject-verb agreement before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?
Your response
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