In some countries, older people are choosing to live in retirement communities with other older people rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?
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Sample Response
In some countries, older people tend to live with other older people in the same communities rather than living with their children. In my view, while it is a good way for their children, there are many risks.
One major benefit of this is that their children can gain more privacy and avoid a lot of arguments with their parents in certain situations. As their children grow up, regardless of gender,especially girls, they need more space and privacy. Besides, due to the substantialsubstential generation gap, different opinions between parents and children always make arguments inevitable. For instance, in Easteast Asian countries such as Japan and China, there are more and more older people living alone because their children are facing heavy pressure and they want to relieve some pressure for their children.
However, a key negative factor about this is safe problems. There are many reported accidents in the world about older people living alone. Although they usually live in communities where many other older people also livewhere a lot of other older people live there too, there are still many risks in their apartments such as gas leaksleaking and fire. Generally, elderly residents may lackold people lack adequate safety awareness so those are very dangerous for them. For example, recently, ChineseChina's news media reported an elderlyolderly person who died in his apartmenthis little apartment because of the mishandlingmishanding of the gas valve, and due to there were no other people in his room, he was found after five days.after five days! As a result, safe problems should not be ignored.
In conclusion, governments should pay more attention topay their attention more to the living conditions and welfare of senior citizensold people's living problems. Authorities shouldThey are supposed to construct more facilities and introduce relevant laws to protect old people.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses the prompt by evaluating both the benefits and safety risks of elderly citizens residing in retirement communities rather than with their adult children. The main limitation is that grammatical errors and informal word choices frequently obscure full precision, and the conclusion introduces new solutions instead of summarizing the overall opinion. Focusing on structural sentence accuracy and concluding with a clear summary of main points will significantly raise the quality.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay presents a clear position on both positive and negative aspects, supported by examples, but the conclusion shifts focus toward government actions rather than evaluating the main topic.
Ensure the conclusion directly summarizes your evaluation of whether the trend is overall positive or negative rather than giving unexpected recommendations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into dedicated paragraphs for benefits and drawbacks, maintaining a clear overall progression.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect sentences smoothly and avoid overusing basic transitions.
Lexical Resource
An adequate vocabulary range is demonstrated, though noticeable word formation and spelling errors occur.
Review common word forms and collocations, replacing inaccurate phrases such as 'safe problems' with precise terms like 'safety concerns'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent grammatical errors and awkward clause constructions persist.
Practice complex sentence structures to ensure conjunctions like 'due to' are followed by noun phrases rather than full clauses.