In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate online and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive or negative development?
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
It is true that in contemporary life, people in many parts of the world are able to shop, work, and communicateare able to do their shopping, work, and communicate with each other via the internet. While there are clear positive aspects of this trend, there are also negative aspects of having less face-to-face contact with other people.
On the one hand, the internet can be useful in several waysvery handy in many ways. Many people use it to keep in touch with friends and family, using Facebook, Skype, or WhatsApp to send instant messages or to enjoy a quick chat. Many also use the internet for online shopping, thus saving time and petrol on trips to the supermarket as well as hunting around different sites for bargains. However, it is for workin terms of work that the internet offers the most potential benefits. More and more people are working or even studying from home, during hours that suit their schedulesat hours which suit their own schedules. Many hours are saved each week by eliminating the daily commute and the stress of coping with rush-hour trafficcoping with the rush hour.
On the other hand, as social beings, people need personal contact. Firstly, online friendshipsvirtual friendships that are formed online may not be genuine. The media reports many disturbing storiescarries many horror stories of youngsters who have fallen prey to paedophiles, for example. Secondly, online shopping is not appropriate for every itemnot always appropriate, depending on the item. It is best, for instance, to try on clothes before buying, and while a bookworm can find almost any book they wantalmost any book title that they want online, they will certainly miss browsing the shelves of bookstores. Finally, personal interaction with work colleagues can generate ideas and help prevent misunderstandingsgenerate ideas and avoid misunderstandings.
In conclusion, although there are positive aspects of this trend, there are also aspects of face-to-face contact, which it would be a shame to lose.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear organisation and well-developed, specific discussion of benefits and drawbacks across communication, shopping, and work. The main limitation is that it never makes a sufficiently clear overall judgement on whether the development is positive or negative; the highest priority is to state and consistently justify a comparative position, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed with relevant, developed examples, but the response does not give the clear overall positive-or-negative judgement required by the question.
State whether the drawbacks ultimately outweigh the benefits and make the conclusion directly confirm that judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear two-sided structure with logical progression, although the sequencing language is occasionally mechanical.
Use more implicit links between supporting points instead of relying repeatedly on enumerators such as firstly, secondly, and finally.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and generally precise range of vocabulary for online activity, social contact, and working practices.
Replace a few informal or sensational choices, such as very handy and horror stories, with more measured academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of sentence forms is handled with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Revise the conclusion's relative clause so its reference is precise and the final judgement reads more directly.